or Hammer (The Christopher Lee Tribute Band Goes Back to School)

An all-girl boarding school with a see-through dress code, a headmistress perverting the course of justice, a history teacher who worships the undead and a new member of staff called Dick who's desperate to introduce all the girls to his richard (or something like that)…

That's right, in the best tradition of shows like Panorama and News Night, we look at a fly-on-the-wall documentary about the declining standards in education.

With added blood and tits.