KEITH BUCKLEY, author and lead singer of Every Time I Die joins us for 2016's Dater's Handbook and: Giambis ... REO Speedwagon ... They shoot Go-Go's, don't they? ... Rick Derringer, BOC and Nas memories ... The Duchess of Sussex Meghan Markle ... Royal wedding/Hallmark crossover ... Food snitching: UNFORGIVABLE ... Artistic Hallmark ... Mindwarped by Lifetime ... The Duchess does ALL her own stunts ... Meghan Markle is good ... Jarred by emotional realness ... The Expositional Challenge ... Dr. Susie ... Cocktail dresses, winter rain ... G-rated racy ... "Negging" funny-guys ... Pigtail pulling and desire without sex ... Lifetime: Nothing Is Safe ... Nerf tension ... Never get upset ... Spot The Angel: Wedding children, romcom atheism and David Duke's sister ... Eat Your Heart Out: Dinner in Oz, snitches get stitches, Keith would NOT marry the Duchess of Sussex, PASTRIES, authentic Bennigan's, thankless wings ... Good sports! ... Duane Laimbeer redux ... Meet your own Shmoiz ... Allergic and Unaware of It ... 100% subordinate failure rate ... The Devner Broncos ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Christian postal detectives vs. yoga pants ... Overdetermined: Lampshading Uber Alles vs. Handbook formatting vs. Dater's Handbook thinking, Meet 'n' greet bullshit ... "He's A Killer 4" ... Wine Clown George: Too stuffy for middle management, kinda My Fair Lady, still kinda Keith's boy ... The Swagony of Defeat: Free lampshading with Prime ... Hallmark Bechdel Test: No, absolutely not ... Partner Chat: Cocktail dress, toddler party; Canadian brother; a family divide on embracing linear sincerity ... Rating: 5 stars ... Goodbye to Keith ... Leftovers: Real athletico ... Hal-9000's dinner suite ... Chekhov's Chicken Wing ... John Galt and the Affordable Atlas Shrugged ... Kristoffer Polaha's rescuing wryness ... Pants Spumone ... Jive-ass putt-putt ... "George's uptightness" duel ... MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "If U Want It," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • "Don't Fear the Reaper" by Blue Oyster Cult • "In A Gadda Da Vida," by Iron Butterfly • "Take It on the Run," by REO Speedwagon • "Third and Wrong" by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne. • ESPN NFL Primetime Theme #3 • GET KEITH'S NEW BOOK HERE.