I Hate Bill Maher

Complicatedly Named Podcast Haver Tom Harrison is this week's guest, for yet another nonsensical episode of Real Time that is less "cutting edge look at current events" and more "grating conversation with your worst Aunt & Uncle who post way too much".

I'll be honest: this week I'm really struggling to write the description for this episode. I guess I could say "specifically they talk about this, this, and this", but I don't know, who cares? And I don't want to be like "we make some great jokes, such as" because if you've downloaded this you're almost assuredly going to listen to it, so why spoil the jokes? Really I'm just experiencing that thing where I finally bought something I had been thinking about buying for months, waited as the pants got hemmed, then finally brought it home, tied it on, and realized it's not going to solve any of my problems. It's a nice unstructured suit, and the parts can be worn as separates, but but it's also a little hot. I don't know, did I just simply get sucked in by the excellent marketing of those men's heritage clothing brands that seem like they were worn by fur trappers but in actuality they were started in Venice Beach a decade ago (I'm talking about Buck Mason). Also, Los Angeles is about to get hit by it's standard October Surprise (an insane October heatwave) and this one's going to be fucking B-A-D bro.

Tom was a fun guest.

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Okay, well, this one's REAL LATE but you know what? It was worth it, because this week I welcomed returning guest Gita Jackson, who injects more fashion talk into the episode than has ever happened before? This Real Time has annoying guest after annoying guest, from a credulous AI moron, to a center right Dem, to one of modern day's most racist guys. And then there's Bill Maher, who's kind of all three of those!

Got. His. Fucking. Ass.

Plus, hey, you're not going to believe it but this episode also has an insanely nasty and vicious final New Rule. Go figure! Also, Bill Maher talks about how he doesn't care if AI kills us all so many times that I think he might be suicidal. ALSO I got the comic wrong, the computer says "I am alive".

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Oh, did you enjoy your week off from modern day Bill Maher? Well whether or not you did, it's back, so you better be ready for one of the most IN-FUCKIN-SCRUTABLE final New Rules he's ever done. I'm sure I have typed that before, but I swear to GOD bro, I have never meant it more. And you know who can back me up on this? Podcaster and literal teacher of religious history John Brooks. That's right, no yahoo comedian this week. AN EXPERT (I'm remembering last week I had a labor journalist, so I don't really know how this is different, but this is the angle I decided to take with the episode description, which I always hate writing, so I refuse to come up with a new one.) There's an extremely funny conversation about AI in this episode that includes an all time absurd quote from Bill Maher.

Also this episode is late because my wife is out of town for a wedding, so I am parenting solo this weekend. That's right, if you had a problem with it being late, you were attacking a single father. I bet you feel pretty shitty now, don't you?!

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THIS EPISODE WAS RECORDED WEEKS AGO! I'M SORRY IF IT'S SOMEHOW WILDLY OUT OF DATE!

...but not that sorry.

Oh boy, I was fucking whacked out of my gourd on my recently reupped Ritalin prescription on this one, so it's good the incredibly patient journalist EMMA ARKELL joined the show to listen to me go bleh bleh bleh. It's an off week for Real Time, so we dipped way back into the archives to talk about Real Time season 6 episode, aka THE FIRST EPISODE OF THE WGA STRIKE! Not the strike people reading this are likely to remember, but the one that happened back in 2008 when every writer's room was almost entirely white men. I watched a video of the WGA president at the time addressing strikers and it's insane how white the crowd is.

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Booked at the last minute month continues (wraps up?, most likely) with Ella Dawson returning to talk about an episode of Real Time that features someone she knows from real life... or should I say "Real Life" (you know, like the show I'm always talking about on here.) Look, there was some good stuff to make fun of through the entire episode but the part I really can't stop thinking about happens at the start of one of the New Rules and I'm just not sure if we'll ever know what truly occurred in that moment. Anyway, young people bad.

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"Booked at the Very Last Minute" month continues here at I Hate Bill Maher, with Josh Boerman bailing me out and coming on to talk about Real Time season 24, episode 24. Unfortunately there was no Grinch's wife to keep things fun, and this episode was actually structured seemingly to get worse and worse and worse until we're both extremely pissed off about it. Hey women, don't like workplace sexual harassment? Bill Maher says FUCK. YOU.

Hopefully The episode is not quite so late next week, but God works in mysterious ways.

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Comedian Emily Faye returns, and Bill Maher rewrites the Turner Diaries.

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Man oh man, this guy freakin' sucks at his job!!! Writer/Podcaster/Organizer Jacob Dallas joins me this week to talk about Real Time season 24, episode 22. A limp but tighter than usual monologue is followed by a fake blue collar guy, a disgusting libertarian, and a journalist who Jacob is familiar enough with that he ends up being disappointed with her performance on here. Why's everybody always handling this freakish old pervert with kid gloves? It makes me nuts! Also, there's a classic New Rule bomb so bad he gets pissed at the audience.

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Hey, I really appreciate all the support on Patreon, HOWEVER if you want to support me (or really anybody) on there, don't use the God damned Apple app. I think they're bringing their weird massive fees back in because a court is letting? I don't know, just subscribe through a web browser. That's your best option anyway, because if you join through the app it doesn't automatically add you to the Discord. IT'S FUCKING INFURIATING.

Very early guest Emma Arnold OF THE HAWAII TRIP returns two years later to talk about modern day Maher. She had to spend time with him in 2017, she watched an episode of his show from 2003, and now she's watching another episode of his show from this very day. She also brings some helpful perspective as the mother of three large adult sons because one of the topics on the panel is men... why can't we as a culture help those poor guys out? Like, the loneliness epidemic: is it just for boys? Also, jokes that are technically better than usual but delivered with absolutely no confidence.

Please be aware that there's some echo on Emma's audio track because I'm a stupid piece of shit and literally went "I'm sure it's fine" and now it's making me nuts the entire edit. So, uh, I don't know... deal with it????? Also there's less editing on this episode than usual because I am absurdly behind on almost everything to do with the show.

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It's so crazy to put an exclamation mark at the end of "Bill Maher Talks to Kids" if that exclamation mark is not also followed by a question mark, another exclamation mark, and then a series of skull emojis.

Now, you may be looking at the title and thinking "Wait, didn't Will already talk about 'Talks too Kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!' back when it first came out? And you're correct, I did. But it was early in the podcast, I hadn't keyed in to just how much of this thing was weird and/or reprehensible, and I also was like "A guest. A guest should also experience this. So I had Boonta Vista co-host Lucy Valentine join me to talk about this, essentially her first encounter with Bill Maher ever, and I gotta say... I think she really enjoyed. OR PERHAPS THAT'S A LIE! Who's to say? Her, I guess. I'll be honest; my heart really isn't in writing this episode description at... 11:33pm. HOWEVER that makes it thematically appropriate because Bill Maher put in zero effort here, and ends up generating no conversation of substance over three different pairs of kids. I guess during the second one he briefly turns into Lou Dobbs, but other than that it's all "How old are you?" "What grade are you in?" "What do you want to be when you grow up?" and perhaps also... "For Hamas"!!!!!!!! This episode is genuinely almost entirely making fun of an old guy who thinks he's being really funny. If you've ever found yourself thinking "I like that podcast but I get upset hearing so much vile shit come out of that man's mouth" and you can stomach two incidents of transphobia, this is the one for you, baby.

I also think I mention Australia too much for the first half of the episode. I don't know why I did that, I think I was kind of nervous to record with someone I didn't know while I'm so physically exhausted (babies HATE to teethe). I probably didn't need to include this in the episode description. Also I was practically eating my mic so the sound is kind of distorted for my liking. I don't know, man, I'm really just ready to go to bed.

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00:00 - Intro/News/Survey

10:11 - 8 YO/16 YO - All bits

31:38 - 10 YO/10 YO - Let's get deep

50:36 - 13 YO/16 YO - Happy Medium(?)

1:03:37 - Exit

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