Let's talk about self-forgiveness. 

What started out as a definition of the practice of self-forgiveness quickly evolved (as it does here at the Inside Out Theory) to so many other things. Let's take lying as our example. When you’re trying to break a negative habit, you want to practice healthy self-forgiveness when you observe yourself caught in the act. The act of self-forgiveness is in the middle of what we call 'unnecessary suffering' and 'denial'. Practicing acceptance of what is negates the need to create unnecessary suffering (what it should be instead of what it is). Let's explain this a different way...

Living in the 'is world' is practising acceptance (internal peace).

Living in the 'should world' is practicing denial (internal suffering).

When you’re practicing self-forgiveness in its truest form, you are accepting your actions for what they are ('is world').

This doesn’t mean you have to be ok with it.

This is now where the self-forgiveness practice begins.

Allow yourself to feel the pain that you made that choice (strength). That pain is so much more real than the unnecessary suffering created from living in the 'should world'. It’s fully accepting that you made a choice that you didn’t want to make, and allowing yourself to feel the repercussions of making that choice, the pain from the choice, not from ego (unnecessary suffering) or denial. 

If I were to draw a diagram, straight to the left of self-forgiveness is self-denial, i.e the 'isn’t world' (neither 'is' or 'should world'). Straight to the right is the should world, i.e taking the pain and amplifying it to unnecessary suffering because you feel like you deserve it.

Self-forgiveness sounds like this: "I’m not proud of this choice. I feel the pain from making this choice. I don’t want to feel this way again. I am going to practice self-acceptance and self-compassion, understanding that I’m on a journey to break a habit and that doesn’t happen overnight. If I can fully accept that I chose poorly today, I can choose wisely tomorrow."

If you’re addicted to the suffering of the 'should world', you won’t be able to ever make a different choice. When you practice self-forgiveness, you’re re-teaching yourself how to be self-accountable. If you transition into the 'should world', you’re putting yourself back in self-recovery. Practicing self-reliability comes from practicing self-accountability (wait for it) consistently. 

What do you think?