Fascism and criticism abound in the bleak first entry of 2018's Countdown to Christmas, CHRISTMAS AT PEMBERLEY MANOR, including: "In Puke of Lost Turds" by Marcel Poops ... Sigmund Freud vs. The Wolfman ... THEME ... Beautiful and handsome ... A bad movie, it's very bad, folks, many people are saying it ... The Expositional Challenge ... A Seth MacFarlane joke of a plot ... The market cynicism of fan-fiction ... Santa Claus in Pride and Prejudice ... Every actor in a tonally different movie ... Names matched up and nothing else ... Jane Austen's Travis ... Jeb's fanboying the 1995 A&E/BBC Pride and Prejudice miniseries ... Chemistry void over the children's party ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: Kristopher Klaus on granddad patrol ... Class-blind, accentless and Yeager-like ... The Right Stuff for Christmas ... Desaturated June in the Upside-Down ... Eat Your Heart Out: Cookies, again; two performances unconnected and side-by-side ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Like a movie a Hallmark character would watch in a Hallmark movie ... BREAK ... Overdetermined: All or nothing, busybody Santa, expository gofer ... Travis: Nazi or CPAC attendee or? ... Crossover: Pride and Prejudice and Pride and Prejudice ... Hallmark Bechdel Test: Absolutely not ... Steven Root's Partner Chat: Michael Rady appreciation; Pemberley Manor, the 2,500 sq. foot house; "Oh, how I long for a ____"; phoning in your fanfic ... BREAK ... A Brief Interlude About Anti-Semitism and Lou Dobbs, including: This is still a game for them; a "ZOG" bomb on Fox News; fan-service for people who love racist implications; ignoring harm to people you can't conceive of as human; Lou Dobbs poisoning your grandma; a world without backtrack or apology; "Fascism! I'm gonna live forever!" ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Elaine Hendrix's fantastic eyebrows ... Holiday cheer on your own time, ladies ... Michael Rady, professional baleful gazer ... Darcy emotionally toying with The Sad Mayor ... Binders are people, my friend ... I am Serious Mayor, this is Serious Festival ... The Hamsterdam of egg nog ... A satisfying moment of Lowndes puttin' on the melisma ... Ah, I see you're reading WESTERN literature ... Pretending you're cold in June ... Pump-thermos coffee ... Tony Shalhoub, listen to this episode ... Lady, it's a porch ... Manufactured quit and three-way quit ... A terrible one-sided phone call ... Mayor Wickham's execution lever ... Rating: 1 ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "2 Become 1," by The Spice Girls • "Reel Ten" by The Plugz • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane