Idolator founding editor MAURA JOHNSTON joins us for MARIAH CAREY'S feature directorial debut in 2015's A CHRISTMAS MELODY and: Andy Daly in the Hallmark universe ... Camptown Races ... THEME ... Maura's Christmas bona fides ... Mariah Carey and Long Island Christmas ... "All I Want for Christmas Is You" ... Idolator shout-out ... BREAK ... The Expositional Challenge ... Are homeless Santa and janitor Santa the same Santa? ... "Oh Santa!" in the movie ... Mariah Carey's extreme filters ... Manicure closeup ... Mariah's Seagal-esque immobility ... Palanquin-heavy live show ... Mariah's accidental auteur directorial style ... Christmasy live show ... First bad review in high school ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: Over in 44 seconds ... Eat Your Heart Out: Give peas a chance; dead-cat-bouncing gluten-free jokes; Saved by the Bell; Luke Danes reprise again ... Brennan Elliott dragging huge chemistry out of Lacey Chabert ... Mariah Carey 70's auteur ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Chabert's intense high school football rivalry with Summer in the City, Ohio vs. Stars Hollow again ... Actually shot in Ohio ... Mariah's Inland Empire ... BREAK ... Overdetermined: Hoist by the Mean Girl petard; mom makes your clothes; schizophrenic consumerism; twinkling engagement ring from dentist husband; "I'm in charge, remember?"; watching for comeuppance; Long Island bustin' out with sport-parenting; track suits; name sewed on your jeans; Skyline chili; relentless harping music cues; the Santa-song wish reasoning ... Crossover: Carol Kane Glitter-punching on slappers only; "It's the Jets game!" vs. Everlasting with Brennan Elliott; Unreal shout-out ... "Man in Car" in "Life Is a Highway" ... BREAK ... The Swagony of Defeat: Folger's presents: Tubbb! ... Stunod! It is Stacker 2 ... Hallmark Bechdel Test: Probably??? ... The Leftovers: G-rated dance face smack ... Valid Christmas tree market ... Sudden stalker male lead ... Chabert and separate filming micro-climates ... BREAK ... Great Moments in Moppetry Rating: 5, but variable ... Squickily vampy preteen daughter performance ... Dubbed "Oh Santa!" and useless accompanist piano ... Oh, Georgia, you're so popular ... Chabert: Precocious 10-year-old at 30 ... The AAH Group ... Sudden potential body-switching comedy ... They never add the extra plot ... Rating: 3 ... Hello to Kathy Najimy! ... Ego death with Mariah ... Mariah video comps ... Spinal Tap limo driver ... Merry Christmas! ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "If U Want It," from Cyber-Vision, by Drew Fairweather • "My City Was Gone" by The Pretenders • "Bloodbuzz, Ohio" by The National • "Life Is A Highway" by Tom Cochrane • "Georgia" from Music For Sleeping Children • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane • Check out stills from the movie here!