When you live in a castle on an island with a lot of ex-seventies male pornstars who can't afford car doors for company, a sudden desire to alleviate the boredom by getting a pet turtle doesn't seem that odd.

The fact that all the staff at the local turtle farm wear fishnets and NOTHING else is quite odd (and a bit kinky) and when the mean posh boy from your school days turns up to take all the turtles so that you can't have any, that's very odd.

Still there's only one thing you can do in this situation…challenge him to a swordfight, beat him in a speedboat race, handcuff him to a chair, make a machine that goes BLEEP, impersonate a naval officer, steal a hovercraft and watch the Clangers.

So you didn't get a turtle because some faulty wiring burned down the farm, but at least you got out of the house for a change.