"There are three physical gateways and the three are one. The whole of this domain, the ancient arch, the mirrors. All the gateways are one."

You what? Run that by me again...

Don't expect any more sense than this from anyone else, for this is Warriors' Gate - a tale with dialogue so oblique it makes Samuel Beckett sound like Dan Brown.

It's an odd sort of a place too, wherein suits of armour give history lessons, lion men fail to tip waitresses and everywhere could do with a touch of colour to cheer it up a bit.

The Doctor's flipping, Adric's tossing and Romana's turning away from her TARDIS chums. K9's lost his marbles and Rorvik's losing his rag as his bumbling underlings are set to lose the E-Space/N-Space Crew of the Year competition by some margin.

So will Jim and Martin stagger through the choking fog of befuddlement to reach the sunlit uplands of understanding? Or will what remains of their brains melt in the attempt?

Listen in to find out.