We find the novel coronavirus A NOVEL ROMANCE (2015) and: Leave the long beat in there ... THEME ... Asymptomatic Patreon pitch ... Bill Mitchell's diarrhea conspiracy ... Worst version of a familiar plot ... Very sneaky, sir ... Tommy Bahama-ass chat look ... BREAK ... Cast rundown ... Orphan Black boyfriend ... The Expositional Challenge ... Let's do some addendums ... Jackie Facilitatrix ... A forensic accounting of BadBoy James ... Not Portland, Maine ... A Frankenstein of failed Hallmark screenplays ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: Possibly Jackie, beneficent over-manager ... Almost an Angelfire blog ... Journalismism: A long beat about staff cutbacks; extreme opinions, web hits; August Cools Off; ID your book critic; these idiots would pivot to video; uncomfortably real; Riveting Reads dot Com; Record Building; cutting the arts department last; Journalism 101; we love Burkeman, folks ... Wealthy, retired bathroom cop ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Not All Tony's Are Baloney journalism creep; the Neurotic Hallmark Heroine Literary Agency; commenter drama ... Meet Me in Temecula ... Call me worm ... Overdetermined: BadBoy James exposition dump; Dylan Moran in Shaun of the Dead vibes; Casey Manderson, repeat supporting creep; nothing has happened; bookworm v. batboy; terrifyingly childish love; framed photo already ... BREAK ... Crossover: BadBoy James and Any Given Sunday ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: We think so? ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Almost everybody; Charles S. Dutton's magical minority; Dutton selling placeholder text ... A sports bar that hates sports ... Rating: 2.5, for trying ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Bonefish is waiiiiiting ... Book critic in a sports bar ... Getting centered in Portland, staring at family portraits ... Redeye logistics ... First-class drinking ... Mark Griffiths, Feldman, Haim, McBride, Hardbodies and Hardbodies 2 ... Huggo ... The Whole Hardbody Movement ... Dangerous in first class ... Lincoln Rhyme ... Poor running form ... "Maybe I'm Dwyane Wade" ... Frankfurt Club ... Electric Banana vs. (Hey Now) Niel, Portland Band ... Seems you're a magnet for tragedy ... Merry Christmas! • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "Read It in Books (John Peel Session)," by Echo & The Bunnymen • "The Book I Read," by Talking Heads • "U2 (Special Edit Radio Mix)," by Negativland • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane