In this milestone 100th episode of "I Don't Know How You Do It," host Jessica Fein welcomes writer Ben Morton, whose powerful HuffPost essay about discovering he's intersex through a routine ancestry test captivated readers nationwide. Ben shares the phone call that changed everything and how this revelation provided the missing puzzle piece to questions he'd had his entire life.

Ben's memoir-in-progress, titled "Good Grief," explores the complex emotions that followed his discovery. While finding relief in understanding himself better, he also experienced grief over losing the life he'd been raised to expect. His relationship with faith evolved from fear-based performance to choosing inclusion and grace, focusing on loving others rather than proving himself worthy of salvation.

Ben courageously discusses how this revelation provided a missing puzzle piece to questions he'd had his entire life, while also forcing him to navigate grief, faith, and a shifting political identity. His story challenges are black and white thinking about gender and sexuality, reminding us that human diversity is far more complex and beautiful than many of us are taught. 

Key Takeaways from Ben's Story:

1. Creating non-judgmental spaces allows people to be themselves and fosters empathy.
2. Listening to understand—not to respond—builds meaningful connections.
3. Personal stories move hearts more effectively than facts or statistics.
4. Asking expansive questions ("Can you imagine how that felt?") helps broaden perspective.
5. Authentic self-expression creates cracks in rigid thinking and normalizes diversity.
6. If you struggle to empathize with someone, try to understand what led them to their current beliefs.
7. Trust yourself to know that who you are is not wrong—question institutions or people who make you feel otherwise.

Learn more about Ben:

Website

HuffPost Essay 

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Music credit: Limitless by Bells