I Don't Know How You Do It

What if the story you’re most afraid to tell is the one that holds the key to healing—not just for you, but for others too?

Allison Lane has built a career helping authors, leaders, and everyday truth-tellers shape their stories and bring their messages into the world. A story strategist and messaging expert with a background in big-brand marketing, she now guides people through the vulnerable, transformative work of telling the truth—on the page and beyond.

But behind her sharp strategic mind and no-fluff approach is a life shaped by experiences that would leave most people asking, “How did you survive that?”

In this episode of I Don’t Know How You Do It, we talk about what it really means to own your voice—from the stories that shimmer in shame to the ones that help others heal. Allison shares her personal journey from surviving a traumatic childhood to building a thriving business helping others share their expertise and write their books.

Whether you're wondering how to tell your story, navigating shame from the past, or dreaming of writing a memoir or launching a message-driven career, this conversation offers wisdom, hope, and clarity.

You'll learn:

• Why shame simmers in secrecy—and what happens when we say it out loud
• What resilience really looks like (hint: it’s not about being tough)
• How to move from surviving to shaping a message that makes an impact
• Why your “obvious” story might be exactly what someone else needs to hear
• The difference between surviving and healing—and how storytelling can be the bridge
• What to do if you want to write a book or tell your story but don’t know where to begin

Learn more about Allison:

Website
LinkedIn
YouTube
Facebook
Instagram 

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"This is my go-to podcast for inspiration and to discover new approaches to embrace the challenges in my life." If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me reach more people -- just like you -- find strategies and insights to do the things that feel undoable. Click here, scroll to the bottom, tap to rate with five stars, and select “Write a Review.” Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

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Sign up for my newsletter and learn more about these remarkable stories at www.jessicafeinstories.com

Order Jessica's memoir, Breath Taking: A Memoir of Family, Dreams, and Broken Genes

Watch Jessica's TedX Talk

Music credit: Limitless by Bells

Most people freeze in the face of grief. Jen Noonan walks toward it.

As a licensed clinical social worker at The Children’s Room, Jen supports children, teens, and families after the death of a parent, sibling, or child. Her work is quiet, courageous, and sacred—the kind of care most people couldn’t imagine doing. But for Jen, this is the work that called her.

In this conversation, we explore what it means to hold space for grief without trying to fix it, how kids experience and express loss differently than adults, and why just being there—especially in the hard moments—can be everything.

We also talk about:

• Why children often lead the way in grief
• The myths that keep adults from showing up
• How to talk to grieving kids in honest, age-appropriate ways
• What it really looks like to “hold space”
• The difference between avoiding grief and being present with it

If you've ever struggled with what to say to someone in grief—or feared saying the wrong thing—this episode offers clarity, compassion, and hope.

Plus: I share a bit about my own work on grief literacy, including my TEDx Talk on how we can become a more grief literate society.

Learn more about The Children's Room at their website or on Instagram

Rate, Review, & Follow on Apple Podcasts

"This is my go-to podcast for inspiration and to discover new approaches to embrace the challenges in my life." If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me reach more people -- just like you -- find strategies and insights to do the things that feel undoable. Click here, scroll to the bottom, tap to rate with five stars, and select “Write a Review.” Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven’t done so already, follow the podcast. Follow now!

Sign up for my newsletter and learn more about these remarkable stories at www.jessicafeinstories.com

Order Jessica's memoir, Breath Taking: A Memoir of Family, Dreams, and Broken Genes

Watch Jessica's TedX Talk

Music credit: Limitless by Bells

Nicola Kraus burst onto the literary scene as co-author of the global sensation The Nanny Diaries. But her story didn’t stop there—and in this episode, she opens up about what came next. From ghostwriting and caregiving to lead parenting and late-in-life bat mitzvah prep, Nicola shares the real-life experiences that shaped her new novel, The Best We Could Hope For.

We talk about:

• What it’s really like to have overnight success—and what comes after
• Caring for her mother over a 14-year cancer journey
• How Gen X is redefining parenting and breaking cycles
• The surprising link between joy and self-discipline
• Managing anxiety, creative work, and caregiving at the same time
• Why reclaiming milestones (like an adult bat mitzvah!) matters

Nicola is funny, sharp, and deeply honest about what it takes to show up—for family, for your work, and for yourself.

Key Takeaways:

• Early success doesn’t guarantee an easy road. Even after a global bestseller, Nicola had to hustle, pivot, and rebuild.
• Caregivers need care too. Whether it's sleep, support, or someone to show up at 5 a.m., help matters—and asking for it is essential.
• Joy requires discipline. It may not just arrive on its own. Make room for it through conscious, embodied effort.
• Break big projects into small, doable steps. Post-its, lists, and visible progress can make even the most overwhelming seasons manageable.
• Energy doesn’t lie. When deciding what to take on, ask yourself: if this disappeared, would I feel relieved or disappointed?
• Name the hard stuff. Denial creates wounds. Acknowledging pain—within families, relationships, or ourselves—is the first step to healing.
• It’s never too late to reclaim a ritual or milestone. Whether it’s a midlife bat mitzvah or something else entirely, meaningful experiences have no expiration date.

Find more about Nicola: 

Instagram

Website

Facebook

Rate, Review, & Follow on Apple Podcasts

"This is my go-to podcast for inspiration and to discover new approaches to embrace the challenges in my life." If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me reach more people -- just like you -- find strategies and insights to do the things that feel undoable. Click here, scroll to the bottom, tap to rate with five stars, and select “Write a Review.” Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven’t done so already, follow the podcast. Follow now!

Sign up for my newsletter and learn more about these remarkable stories at www.jessicafeinstories.com

Order Jessica's memoir, Breath Taking: A Memoir of Family, Dreams, and Broken Genes

Watch Jessica's TedX Talk

Music credit: Limitless by Bells

In this powerful conclusion to our two-part series, we uncover the shocking truth behind Stacy's murder and follow Susan's extraordinary seven-year fight for justice.

After three years of relentless investigation, Susan finally received validation that her sister was murdered by her husband, known only as "Diablo." But this breakthrough was just the beginning of an even longer journey to justice.

The episode reveals the chilling motive behind Stacy's murder, detailing how forensic experts ultimately proved what Susan had known all along. We walk through the grueling legal process that finally led to Diablo's conviction - a full seven years after Stacy's death.

Most powerfully, we witness Susan's transformation from grieving sister to powerful advocate, as she now helps other families navigate the painful limbo of "undetermined death" cases. Her story demonstrates how personal tragedy can become a catalyst for meaningful change.

If you're interested in writing your story and want to learn about one-on-one coaching or Jessica's new writing community, reach out to her directly at www.jessicafeinstories.com. Whether you have a personal experience to share, a Substack to launch, or any story waiting to be told, there are opportunities to learn and grow together.

Learn more about Susan Altman:

News Story

Instagram

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"This is my go-to podcast for inspiration and to discover new approaches to embrace the challenges in my life." If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me reach more people -- just like you -- find strategies and insights to do the things that feel undoable. Click here, scroll to the bottom, tap to rate with five stars, and select “Write a Review.” Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven’t done so already, follow the podcast. Follow now!

Sign up for my newsletter and learn more about these remarkable stories at www.jessicafeinstories.com

Order Jessica's memoir, Breath Taking: A Memoir of Family, Dreams, and Broken Genes

Watch Jessica's TedX Talk

Music credit: Limitless by Bells

In this gripping first installment of a two-part series, we meet Susan Altman, whose extraordinary story of sisterly devotion transformed into a seven-year quest for justice. 

When Susan's sister Stacy was found dead in her bathtub with the shower running, authorities ruled the death "undetermined." But Susan's intuition told her something far more sinister had occurred – her sister's husband had murdered her.

This episode takes listeners through the devastating moment Susan received the call about her sister's death, her immediate suspicion of Stacy's husband (whom she refers to only as "El Diablo"), and the beginning of her relentless pursuit of truth. Despite being told to "move on" and "stop grieving," Susan's unwavering conviction led her to form alliances with detectives, prosecutors, and eventually medical experts who helped validate what she knew in her heart all along.

Susan's journey from a "regular gal" from Indiana to amateur detective showcases the power of sisterly love that reached beyond the grave. Her determination to find justice demonstrates how sometimes the most crucial evidence resides in the heart of someone who refuses to give up.

Coming Next Week

In Part 2, we'll discover the motive behind "El Diablo's" calculated actions and how Susan transformed her personal tragedy into purpose, becoming an advocate for other families trapped in the purgatory of undetermined deaths.

Learn more about Susan:

News Story

Instagram

Rate, Review, & Follow on Apple Podcasts

"This is my go-to podcast for inspiration and to discover new approaches to embrace the challenges in my life." If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me reach more people -- just like you -- find strategies and insights to do the things that feel undoable. Click here, scroll to the bottom, tap to rate with five stars, and select “Write a Review.” Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven’t done so already, follow the podcast. Follow now!

Sign up for my newsletter and learn more about these remarkable stories at www.jessicafeinstories.com

Order Jessica's memoir, Breath Taking: A Memoir of Family, Dreams, and Broken Genes

Watch Jessica's TedX Talk

Music credit: Limitless by Bells

In this milestone 100th episode of "I Don't Know How You Do It," host Jessica Fein welcomes writer Ben Morton, whose powerful HuffPost essay about discovering he's intersex through a routine ancestry test captivated readers nationwide. Ben shares the phone call that changed everything and how this revelation provided the missing puzzle piece to questions he'd had his entire life.

Ben's memoir-in-progress, titled "Good Grief," explores the complex emotions that followed his discovery. While finding relief in understanding himself better, he also experienced grief over losing the life he'd been raised to expect. His relationship with faith evolved from fear-based performance to choosing inclusion and grace, focusing on loving others rather than proving himself worthy of salvation.

Ben courageously discusses how this revelation provided a missing puzzle piece to questions he'd had his entire life, while also forcing him to navigate grief, faith, and a shifting political identity. His story challenges are black and white thinking about gender and sexuality, reminding us that human diversity is far more complex and beautiful than many of us are taught. 

Key Takeaways from Ben's Story:

1. Creating non-judgmental spaces allows people to be themselves and fosters empathy.
2. Listening to understand—not to respond—builds meaningful connections.
3. Personal stories move hearts more effectively than facts or statistics.
4. Asking expansive questions ("Can you imagine how that felt?") helps broaden perspective.
5. Authentic self-expression creates cracks in rigid thinking and normalizes diversity.
6. If you struggle to empathize with someone, try to understand what led them to their current beliefs.
7. Trust yourself to know that who you are is not wrong—question institutions or people who make you feel otherwise.

Learn more about Ben:

Website

HuffPost Essay 

Rate, Review, & Follow on Apple Podcasts

"This is my go-to podcast for inspiration and to discover new approaches to embrace the challenges in my life." If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me reach more people -- just like you -- find strategies and insights to do the things that feel undoable. Click here, scroll to the bottom, tap to rate with five stars, and select “Write a Review.” Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven’t done so already, follow the podcast. Follow now!

Sign up for my newsletter and learn more about these remarkable stories at www.jessicafeinstories.com

Order Jessica's memoir, Breath Taking: A Memoir of Family, Dreams, and Broken Genes

Watch Jessica's TedX Talk

Music credit: Limitless by Bells

In this powerful episode, we sit down with Lynne Golodner, author of eleven books across multiple genres, who found her voice in midlife.

When Lynn chose Orthodox Judaism in her twenties, she was drawn to its structure and meaning—but years later, a moment of clarity during a camping trip sparked her realization that this path no longer aligned with her authentic self. What began as a spiritual journey evolved into a series of bold reinventions that would ultimately lead her to greater creative freedom and financial success.

Lynne shares the raw, unfiltered reality of navigating divorce during the 2008 recession as a freelance writer with three children—sitting on her stairs, methodically working through worst-case scenarios, and building a strategic plan to support her family. She explains how she transitioned from traditional publishing to self-publishing to protect her "very Jewish author brand," a decision that has allowed her to produce a book a year while staying true to her identity.

With refreshing candor, Lynne breaks down her practical approach to prolific writing. She offers actionable insights on claiming your identity as a writer before you feel "ready," reframing rebellious traits as leadership qualities, and building a sustainable creative practice despite overwhelming circumstances.

This conversation isn't just for authors or those in creative fields. Lynn's insights apply to anyone facing a transition that demands courage, strategic thinking, and the determination to write your own rules despite what conventional wisdom might suggest.

In This Episode, You'll Learn:

• How to face your fears systematically by naming them and working through worst-case scenarios
• Why building dreams incrementally through consistent small steps leads to lasting change
• The power of reframing "negative" traits like rebellion as strengths in your professional life
• How to claim your identity as a writer, artist, or creator before you feel fully "ready"
• The strategic importance of building a body of work over time
• Why you should never dilute what makes you unique, even when it might limit your audience
• How to channel idealism productively, even when it leads you down unexpected paths
• Practical ways to transform your life one small step at a time when facing major transitions

Learn more about Lynne:

Website 

Rate, Review, & Follow on Apple Podcasts

"This is my go-to podcast for inspiration and to discover new approaches to embrace the challenges in my life." If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me reach more people -- just like you -- find strategies and insights to do the things that feel undoable. Click here, scroll to the bottom, tap to rate with five stars, and select “Write a Review.” Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven’t done so already, follow the podcast. Follow now!

Sign up for my newsletter and learn more about these remarkable stories at www.jessicafeinstories.com

Order Jessica's memoir, Breath Taking: A Memoir of Family, Dreams, and Broken Genes

Watch Jessica's TedX Talk

Music credit: Limitless by Bells

In this powerful episode, we sit down with Laura Bratton, author of Harnessing Courage, who transformed her journey of vision loss into a framework for resilience that anyone can apply to life's challenges.

When Laura was diagnosed with a rare retinal disease at age nine, doctors could only tell her she would eventually lose her sight—they couldn't predict when. What began as a routine eye exam quickly spiraled into years of adaptation, learning braille, and discovering how to navigate a world she could no longer see.

Laura shares the raw, unfiltered reality of transitioning to blindness—from the initial denial to the development of her "three Gs" framework: grit, gratitude, and grief. She introduces us to her guide dog Jira, and explains how this extraordinary companion became a transformative force that changed her outlook on the future.

With refreshing candor, Laura breaks down her powerful philosophy that helped her not just survive but thrive despite overwhelming circumstances. She offers actionable insights on self-advocacy, embracing ongoing grief as part of healing, and finding strength in community when your own reserves run dry.

This conversation isn't just for people dealing with vision loss. Laura's insights apply to anyone facing a crisis that demands resilience, advocacy, and the courage to acknowledge grief while still moving forward.

In This Episode, You'll Learn:

• How to break overwhelming challenges into manageable, bite-sized pieces
• Why finding a "gratitude buddy" can transform your perspective
• The power of self-advocacy and asking for what you need
• Why leaning on others' strength isn't weakness—it's essential
• How to embrace grief as an ongoing companion that changes shape throughout your life
• Why your struggles make you more relatable and trustworthy to others
• The importance of balancing grit and gratitude to create a foundation for moving forward
• The difference between being positive and toxic positivity
• Practical ways to harness courage even when facing insurmountable odds
• How to give yourself permission to have bad days without guilt

Learn more about Laura by visiting her website

Rate, Review, & Follow on Apple Podcasts

"This is my go-to podcast for inspiration and to discover new approaches to embrace the challenges in my life." If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me reach more people -- just like you -- find strategies and insights to do the things that feel undoable. Click here, scroll to the bottom, tap to rate with five stars, and select “Write a Review.” Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven’t done so already, follow the podcast. Follow now!

Sign up for my newsletter and learn more about these remarkable stories at www.jessicafeinstories.com

Order Jessica's memoir, Breath Taking: A Memoir of Family, Dreams, and Broken Genes

Watch Jessica's TedX Talk

Music credit: Limitless by Bells

What if there were a roadmap for everything you need to know to take care of yourself and your family when you get a serious diagnosis for your child or someone you love? Now there is. 

In this powerful episode, we sit down with Laura Lang-Ree, author of The Cancer Parents Handbook, who transformed her family's childhood cancer journey into a roadmap for other parents facing medical crises.

When Laura's three-year-old daughter Cecilia said, "It hurts everywhere, mama," no one expected a cancer diagnosis would soon follow. What began as another doctor's visit quickly spiraled into years of treatment, hospital stays, and learning to navigate the complex medical system as her daughter's fiercest advocate.

Laura shares the raw, unfiltered reality of parenting a child through cancer—from the initial shock to the development of practical coping strategies. She introduces us to her daughter's concept of "positude," and explains how this simple idea became their family's rallying cry through the darkest days of treatment.

With refreshing candor, Laura breaks down her no-nonsense "get your shit together" philosophy that helped her family not just survive but find moments of joy despite overwhelming circumstances. She offers actionable advice on creating "hospital parties," managing medical information, and ensuring siblings don't get lost in the chaos.

This conversation isn't just for parents dealing with childhood cancer. Laura's insights apply to anyone facing a crisis that demands resilience, advocacy, and the courage to ask for help when you need it most.

In This Episode, You'll Learn:

• How to actually get your shit together
• How to become your child's best advocate 
• Practical ways to create a "new normal" 
• How to distinguish between what you need to know right now versus what can wait
• Specific ways friends and family can actually help (not just offer) during a medical crisis
• Strategies for protecting siblings when one child requires intensive medical care
• Self-care techniques that work even when you think you don't have time for them
• Ways to reclaim agency and control in situations that feel completely uncontrollable
• How to find "positude" even on your darkest days, without falling into toxic positivity

Learn more about Laura:

Website

Instagram

Rate, Review, & Follow on Apple Podcasts

"This is my go-to podcast for inspiration and to discover new approaches to embrace the challenges in my life." If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me reach more people -- just like you -- find strategies and insights to do the things that feel undoable. Click here, scroll to the bottom, tap to rate with five stars, and select “Write a Review.” Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven’t done so already, follow the podcast. Follow now!

Sign up for my newsletter and learn more about these remarkable stories at www.jessicafeinstories.com

Order Jessica's memoir, Breath Taking: A Memoir of Family, Dreams, and Broken Genes

Watch Jessica's TedX Talk

Music credit: Limitless by Bells

What would happen if you tried to live by Gandhi's principles in today's world?

In this episode, we welcome journalist and author Perry Garfinkel, who embarked on an extraordinary 18-month journey to follow Mahatma Gandhi's six principles of moral living: truth, nonviolence, simplicity, faith, vegetarianism, and celibacy.

Perry's experiment, chronicled in his book Becoming Gandhi, took him across three continents as he literally walked in Gandhi's footsteps, from retracing the famous 240-mile Salt March in India to visiting South Africa where Gandhi spent 20 years developing his strategies of peaceful resistance.

With refreshing candor, Perry shares how his "Gandhi Light" experiment transformed his understanding of moral living in our modern world. Rather than making abrupt changes, he discovered the power of "tapering" - gradually reducing behaviors that don't align with your values. From clearing out his closet to examining his relationship with truth, Perry reveals practical ways to incorporate Gandhi's wisdom into everyday life.

This conversation explores what it means to "be the change you want to see in the world" beyond the slogan on t-shirts and bracelets. As Perry notes, "If we want the world to change, we have to change ourselves." In an age where moral heroes seem scarce, this episode offers both inspiration and practical tools for anyone seeking to live with greater integrity and intention.

You'll Learn:

• How to apply Gandhi's six principles to modern life through the practice of "tapering" rather than making abrupt changes
• Why "living your truth" goes beyond not lying to examining deeper questions about your purpose and identity
• How nonviolence extends to self-talk, media consumption, and even the language we use
• Practical strategies for simplifying your life and reducing attachment to possessions
• The interconnected nature of spiritual principles and how they reinforce each other
• How to notice when you've fallen off your path and develop the discipline to return without self-judgment
• Ways to begin meaningful personal transformation that can ultimately influence those around you

Learn more about Perry:

Website  

Instagram 

Facebook  

Lin

Rate, Review, & Follow on Apple Podcasts

"This is my go-to podcast for inspiration and to discover new approaches to embrace the challenges in my life." If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me reach more people -- just like you -- find strategies and insights to do the things that feel undoable. Click here, scroll to the bottom, tap to rate with five stars, and select “Write a Review.” Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

Also, if you haven’t done so already, follow the podcast. Follow now!

Sign up for my newsletter and learn more about these remarkable stories at www.jessicafeinstories.com

Order Jessica's memoir, Breath Taking: A Memoir of Family, Dreams, and Broken Genes

Watch Jessica's TedX Talk

Music credit: Limitless by Bells