In this milestone 100th episode of "I Don't Know How You Do It," host Jessica Fein welcomes writer Ben Morton, whose powerful HuffPost essay about discovering he's intersex through a routine ancestry test captivated readers nationwide. Ben shares the phone call that changed everything and how this revelation provided the missing puzzle piece to questions he'd had his entire life.

Ben's memoir-in-progress, titled "Good Grief," explores the complex emotions that followed his discovery. While finding relief in understanding himself better, he also experienced grief over losing the life he'd been raised to expect. His relationship with faith evolved from fear-based performance to choosing inclusion and grace, focusing on loving others rather than proving himself worthy of salvation.

Ben courageously discusses how this revelation provided a missing puzzle piece to questions he'd had his entire life, while also forcing him to navigate grief, faith, and a shifting political identity. His story challenges are black and white thinking about gender and sexuality, reminding us that human diversity is far more complex and beautiful than many of us are taught. 

Key Takeaways from Ben's Story:

1. Creating non-judgmental spaces allows people to be themselves and fosters empathy.
2. Listening to understand—not to respond—builds meaningful connections.
3. Personal stories move hearts more effectively than facts or statistics.
4. Asking expansive questions ("Can you imagine how that felt?") helps broaden perspective.
5. Authentic self-expression creates cracks in rigid thinking and normalizes diversity.
6. If you struggle to empathize with someone, try to understand what led them to their current beliefs.
7. Trust yourself to know that who you are is not wrong—question institutions or people who make you feel otherwise.

Learn more about Ben:

Website

HuffPost Essay 

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In this powerful episode, we sit down with Lynne Golodner, author of eleven books across multiple genres, who found her voice in midlife.

When Lynn chose Orthodox Judaism in her twenties, she was drawn to its structure and meaning—but years later, a moment of clarity during a camping trip sparked her realization that this path no longer aligned with her authentic self. What began as a spiritual journey evolved into a series of bold reinventions that would ultimately lead her to greater creative freedom and financial success.

Lynne shares the raw, unfiltered reality of navigating divorce during the 2008 recession as a freelance writer with three children—sitting on her stairs, methodically working through worst-case scenarios, and building a strategic plan to support her family. She explains how she transitioned from traditional publishing to self-publishing to protect her "very Jewish author brand," a decision that has allowed her to produce a book a year while staying true to her identity.

With refreshing candor, Lynne breaks down her practical approach to prolific writing. She offers actionable insights on claiming your identity as a writer before you feel "ready," reframing rebellious traits as leadership qualities, and building a sustainable creative practice despite overwhelming circumstances.

This conversation isn't just for authors or those in creative fields. Lynn's insights apply to anyone facing a transition that demands courage, strategic thinking, and the determination to write your own rules despite what conventional wisdom might suggest.

In This Episode, You'll Learn:

• How to face your fears systematically by naming them and working through worst-case scenarios
• Why building dreams incrementally through consistent small steps leads to lasting change
• The power of reframing "negative" traits like rebellion as strengths in your professional life
• How to claim your identity as a writer, artist, or creator before you feel fully "ready"
• The strategic importance of building a body of work over time
• Why you should never dilute what makes you unique, even when it might limit your audience
• How to channel idealism productively, even when it leads you down unexpected paths
• Practical ways to transform your life one small step at a time when facing major transitions

Learn more about Lynne:

Website 

Instagram  

Facebook

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In this powerful episode, we sit down with Laura Bratton, author of Harnessing Courage, who transformed her journey of vision loss into a framework for resilience that anyone can apply to life's challenges.

When Laura was diagnosed with a rare retinal disease at age nine, doctors could only tell her she would eventually lose her sight—they couldn't predict when. What began as a routine eye exam quickly spiraled into years of adaptation, learning braille, and discovering how to navigate a world she could no longer see.

Laura shares the raw, unfiltered reality of transitioning to blindness—from the initial denial to the development of her "three Gs" framework: grit, gratitude, and grief. She introduces us to her guide dog Jira, and explains how this extraordinary companion became a transformative force that changed her outlook on the future.

With refreshing candor, Laura breaks down her powerful philosophy that helped her not just survive but thrive despite overwhelming circumstances. She offers actionable insights on self-advocacy, embracing ongoing grief as part of healing, and finding strength in community when your own reserves run dry.

This conversation isn't just for people dealing with vision loss. Laura's insights apply to anyone facing a crisis that demands resilience, advocacy, and the courage to acknowledge grief while still moving forward.

In This Episode, You'll Learn:

• How to break overwhelming challenges into manageable, bite-sized pieces
• Why finding a "gratitude buddy" can transform your perspective
• The power of self-advocacy and asking for what you need
• Why leaning on others' strength isn't weakness—it's essential
• How to embrace grief as an ongoing companion that changes shape throughout your life
• Why your struggles make you more relatable and trustworthy to others
• The importance of balancing grit and gratitude to create a foundation for moving forward
• The difference between being positive and toxic positivity
• Practical ways to harness courage even when facing insurmountable odds
• How to give yourself permission to have bad days without guilt

Learn more about Laura by visiting her website

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What if there were a roadmap for everything you need to know to take care of yourself and your family when you get a serious diagnosis for your child or someone you love? Now there is. 

In this powerful episode, we sit down with Laura Lang-Ree, author of The Cancer Parents Handbook, who transformed her family's childhood cancer journey into a roadmap for other parents facing medical crises.

When Laura's three-year-old daughter Cecilia said, "It hurts everywhere, mama," no one expected a cancer diagnosis would soon follow. What began as another doctor's visit quickly spiraled into years of treatment, hospital stays, and learning to navigate the complex medical system as her daughter's fiercest advocate.

Laura shares the raw, unfiltered reality of parenting a child through cancer—from the initial shock to the development of practical coping strategies. She introduces us to her daughter's concept of "positude," and explains how this simple idea became their family's rallying cry through the darkest days of treatment.

With refreshing candor, Laura breaks down her no-nonsense "get your shit together" philosophy that helped her family not just survive but find moments of joy despite overwhelming circumstances. She offers actionable advice on creating "hospital parties," managing medical information, and ensuring siblings don't get lost in the chaos.

This conversation isn't just for parents dealing with childhood cancer. Laura's insights apply to anyone facing a crisis that demands resilience, advocacy, and the courage to ask for help when you need it most.

In This Episode, You'll Learn:

• How to actually get your shit together
• How to become your child's best advocate 
• Practical ways to create a "new normal" 
• How to distinguish between what you need to know right now versus what can wait
• Specific ways friends and family can actually help (not just offer) during a medical crisis
• Strategies for protecting siblings when one child requires intensive medical care
• Self-care techniques that work even when you think you don't have time for them
• Ways to reclaim agency and control in situations that feel completely uncontrollable
• How to find "positude" even on your darkest days, without falling into toxic positivity

Learn more about Laura:

Website

Instagram

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What would happen if you tried to live by Gandhi's principles in today's world?

In this episode, we welcome journalist and author Perry Garfinkel, who embarked on an extraordinary 18-month journey to follow Mahatma Gandhi's six principles of moral living: truth, nonviolence, simplicity, faith, vegetarianism, and celibacy.

Perry's experiment, chronicled in his book Becoming Gandhi, took him across three continents as he literally walked in Gandhi's footsteps, from retracing the famous 240-mile Salt March in India to visiting South Africa where Gandhi spent 20 years developing his strategies of peaceful resistance.

With refreshing candor, Perry shares how his "Gandhi Light" experiment transformed his understanding of moral living in our modern world. Rather than making abrupt changes, he discovered the power of "tapering" - gradually reducing behaviors that don't align with your values. From clearing out his closet to examining his relationship with truth, Perry reveals practical ways to incorporate Gandhi's wisdom into everyday life.

This conversation explores what it means to "be the change you want to see in the world" beyond the slogan on t-shirts and bracelets. As Perry notes, "If we want the world to change, we have to change ourselves." In an age where moral heroes seem scarce, this episode offers both inspiration and practical tools for anyone seeking to live with greater integrity and intention.

You'll Learn:

• How to apply Gandhi's six principles to modern life through the practice of "tapering" rather than making abrupt changes
• Why "living your truth" goes beyond not lying to examining deeper questions about your purpose and identity
• How nonviolence extends to self-talk, media consumption, and even the language we use
• Practical strategies for simplifying your life and reducing attachment to possessions
• The interconnected nature of spiritual principles and how they reinforce each other
• How to notice when you've fallen off your path and develop the discipline to return without self-judgment
• Ways to begin meaningful personal transformation that can ultimately influence those around you

Learn more about Perry:

Website  

Instagram 

Facebook  

LinkedIn

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"This is my go-to podcast for inspiration and to discover new approaches to embrace the challenges in my life." If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me reach more people -- just like you -- find strategies and insights to do the things that feel undoable. Click here, scroll to the bottom, tap to rate with five stars, and select “Write a Review.” Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

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In this irreverent, informative, and inspiring episode, Blair and Alana Kaplan of The Global Resilience Project share their journey through profound loss and how it sparked a global movement to help others strengthen their "resilience muscle." After losing both parents within a year—their mother to unexpected cancer and their father shortly after—they created a framework for resilience that combines neuroscience, storytelling, and practical tools. The sisters discuss their annual "Grief Week" getaway, their "Dead Parents Society" merchandise, and Blair's transformative plant medicine journeys, while explaining how practices like daily gratitude and intentional storytelling can rewire our brains for greater emotional resilience.

At the core of their work is the concept that resilience is a muscle that can be strengthened through specific practices. They emphasize that building this muscle before tragedy strikes is crucial—just like going to the gym prepares you for physically demanding tasks.

Key Takeaways:

• Start a daily gratitude practice at the same time each day, listing three specific things you're grateful for from the past 24 hours
• Strengthen your resilience muscle before you need it by practicing coping strategies regularly, even when things are okay
• Share your story through journaling, conversations with trusted friends, or professional support rather than keeping difficult experiences bottled up
• Identify aspects of your life you can control and focus your energy there, especially during uncertain times
• Schedule specific "worry time" to give yourself permission to feel difficult emotions while preventing them from consuming your entire day
• Be intentional with media consumption by removing news apps or setting specific times to engage with potentially distressing content
• Create meaningful morning routines that center and ground you rather than immediately exposing yourself to external stressors

Learn more about Blair and Alana:

Global Resilience Project 

Blair's Website

LinkedIn

Facebook
IG (Blair)

IG (Global Resilience Community)

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"This is my go-to podcast for inspiration and to discover new approaches to embrace the challenges in my life." If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me reach more people -- just like you -- find strategies and insights to do the things that feel undoable. Click here, scroll to the bottom, tap to rate with five stars, and select “Write a Review.” Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

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Music credit: Limitless by Bells

In this powerful episode marking Rare Disease Awareness Day, we bring together two remarkable guests whose lives have been profoundly shaped by rare diseases. Erin Paterson, who carries the gene for Huntington's disease and cares for her father with the same condition, and Laura Will, mother to five-year-old Alden who has polymicrogyria, share their unique yet interconnected journeys.

The conversation explores the complex reality of being both a caregiver and advocate while maintaining one's own identity. From Laura's innovative concept of "soul to soul communication" with Alden to Erin's approach to involving her daughter in her father's care, these stories highlight how rare diseases, though individually uncommon, create universal experiences of love, resilience, and finding joy in unexpected moments.

Erin discusses her journey from hiding her diagnosis to becoming an advocate and voice for the rare disease community. Laura, a former palliative care nurse turned "Dragon Mom," shares insights on finding strength in uncertainty and creating support systems for other parents navigating similar challenges.

Key Takeaways:

• Connection doesn't require identical diagnoses - finding others facing similar challenges is what matters most
• Life with rare disease can be both challenging and beautiful simultaneously
• Small achievements others take for granted can become meaningful victories worth celebrating
• Pain can be transformed into purpose through advocacy and support for others
• Setting boundaries around caregiving is essential for sustainability
• Managing uncertainty becomes easier with practice and specific strategies
• Sharing your story, whether through casual conversation or published work, helps build understanding about rare disease

To learn more about rare disease awareness and support, check out the anthology Positively Rare, which benefits Global Genes, and Jessica Fein's memoir Breathtaking: A Memoir of Family, Dreams, and Broken Genes.

Learn more about Erin:

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Music credit: Limitless by Bells

How do you rebuild your life after devastating loss? At age 12, Casey Mulligan Walsh lost both parents within months of each other. Relocated from suburban New Jersey to upstate New York, she spent years dreaming of creating the perfect family life she'd been denied. In this powerful episode, Casey shares how her search for belonging led her through marriage, divorce, and the tragic loss of her 20-year-old son Eric. Her memoir The Full Catastrophe chronicles this journey from being the ultimate people-pleaser to finding true strength and authenticity. Whether you're dealing with grief, struggling to belong, or trying to break free from people-pleasing patterns, Casey's insights about resilience, fear, and developing healthy boundaries will transform how you think about loss and liberation.

Key Takeaways:

1. Ask yourself: "Am I acting from love or fear?" This simple question can transform how you view difficult behaviors - both your own and others'
2. There's a huge difference between fitting in and truly belonging. Are you changing yourself to please others, or standing strong in who you are?
3. Develop healthy boundaries by identifying areas where you need more "f*ck you" energy - especially if you tend to be the "good" one who always accommodates
4. Practice staying connected to lost loved ones without letting "what ifs" become your emotional foundation
5. Remember that growth rarely comes in lightbulb moments - trust that you'll recognize the patterns when looking back

Want to dive deeper? Get Casey's memoir The Full Catastrophe and scan the QR code for her curated Spotify playlist that accompanies the book.

Learn more about Casey:

website
Substack
Facebook 

Instagram

Bluesky
LinkedIn 

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"This is my go-to podcast for inspiration and to discover new approaches to embrace the challenges in my life." If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me reach more people -- just like you -- find strategies and insights to do the things that feel undoable. Click here, scroll to the bottom, tap to rate with five stars, and select “Write a Review.” Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

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Music credit: Limitless by Bells

In this episode, Amanda McKoy Flanagan shares her journey through multiple losses, spiritual awakenings, and discovering how to break generational patterns of emotional protection. A New Yorker turned Colorado resident, Amanda opens up about losing five family members in three years, saving her marriage to a 9/11 first responder, and learning that what first appeared as emotional breakdowns were actually spiritual breakthroughs.

Amanda discusses the "great myth" passed down through generations - the belief that we should love less to protect ourselves from inevitable loss. Through therapy, meditation, and deep inner work, she discovered how this unconscious operating system affected her relationships and ability to connect. She shares insights about marriage, PTSD, and how couples can heal together through understanding their generational patterns.

The conversation takes an unexpected turn into meditation guidance, with Amanda offering practical wisdom about different ways to meditate and connect with higher consciousness. She emphasizes that meditation isn't about achieving a quiet mind but rather an open one, and that it can take many forms beyond sitting in silence.

Key Takeaways:

1. When experiencing major life changes, recognize that even positive changes involve loss - of familiarity, routine, and certainty.
2. Meditation doesn't have to be perfect - find your own way in through whatever puts you in a flow state, whether that's running, walking, writing, or sitting quietly.
3. Consider how your family's approach to grief and loss has shaped your own - these patterns often go back generations.
4. Focus on being "all in" with yourself before trying to be all in with another person.
5. Trust that painful experiences can lead to spiritual awakening and growth, even if it doesn't feel that way in the moment.

Learn more about Amanda:

Instagram

Facebook

Website

Podcast

Youtube

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"This is my go-to podcast for inspiration and to discover new approaches to embrace the challenges in my life." If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me reach more people -- just like you -- find strategies and insights to do the things that feel undoable. Click here, scroll to the bottom, tap to rate with five stars, and select “Write a Review.” Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

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Order Jessica's memoir, Breath Taking: A Memoir of Family, Dreams, and Broken Genes

Music credit: Limitless by Bells

On a TEDx stage in Concord, Massachusetts, two mothers met and discovered they shared a deep bond – both had lost teenage daughters. In this intimate conversation, Morgan Motsinger and I explore what happens when life's bubble of safety gets punctured, how to navigate ongoing loss while caring for a child with a degenerative disease, and why it's so important to give ourselves permission for joy even in our darkest moments.

We dig into the destabilizing events that change how we see the world, what it means to hope when circumstances feel hopeless, and why comparing our grief to others' never serves us. Morgan shares her insights from positive psychology about human flourishing, and together we explore how to remain open to life's beauty even after experiencing profound loss.

This conversation touches on:

• The different "flavors" of grief and how they shape us
• What happens when your worldview gets shattered
• Finding hope that isn't tied to external circumstances
• The importance of maintaining your identity beyond caregiving
• Why joy isn't a betrayal of grief
• The power of being a "student of yourself"
• What meaningful self-care actually looks like

Learn more about Morgan:

Website 

Instagram

Youtube

Morgan's TEDx Talk

Jessica's TEDx Talk

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"This is my go-to podcast for inspiration and to discover new approaches to embrace the challenges in my life." If that sounds like you, please consider rating and reviewing my show! This helps me reach more people -- just like you -- find strategies and insights to do the things that feel undoable. Click here, scroll to the bottom, tap to rate with five stars, and select “Write a Review.” Then be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

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Order Jessica's memoir, Breath Taking: A Memoir of Family, Dreams, and Broken Genes

Music credit: Limitless by Bells