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103: Dating After Narcissistic Abuse: How to Trust Yourself Again
In this episode of Revolutionise Your Love Life, Heather Garbutt is joined by Catalina, a psychotherapist from Romania who supports survivors and thrivers of narcissistic abuse. Together they explore what it takes to rebuild trust after coercion and gaslighting, and how to date intentionally so you do not repeat old patterns. Heather shares the core principles of Calling in “The One” and Conscious Uncoupling, including why the first relationship to strengthen is the one you have with yourself, how to discern safely (especially online), and why going slowly is not caution, it is wisdom.
Find more support and resources at Heathergarbutt.com.
Key takeaways
Go slowly and date from your adult self. After abuse, the nervous system can confuse intensity with connection. “Chemistry” can be the ignition of an old pattern, not a green flag.
Discernment is a skill. Watch behaviour, not promises. Notice how someone treats service staff, how they speak about ex partners and family, and whether their values actually match yours.
Know what you want, and how you want to feel. Focus on character and values (kindness, respect, trustworthiness, warmth), not surface traits.
Beware love bombing. People who have been starved of safety and tenderness can be especially vulnerable to fast praise, fast intimacy, and big future talk.
Do your emotional work first. Without healing, “gut instinct” can be pulled by familiarity rather than truth. The work is to become grounded, resourced, and sovereign.
About Catalina:
Catalina is a Romanian psychotherapist specialising in individual and group work, with a particular focus on helping women and men recover from narcissistic abuse. Her approach is deeply compassionate, practical, and rooted in restoring voice, safety, and self-trust so survivors can move from coping to thriving.
About Your Host:
I married at 34 with great hope for a long, happy marriage and a family. Over time, though, the relationship unraveled into power struggles, criticism and emotional distance. My own childhood conditioning had left me disconnected from my feelings and needs and despite years of personal work, I couldn’t see a way forward. We separated in 2007.
I stayed on my own for several years, not wanting to repeat the pattern again. In 2016 my life transformed. Through discovering Katherine Woodward Thomas’s work, I called in my “One.” Although I was already a trained psychotherapist and deeply committed to self-development, this work created breakthroughs I hadn’t experienced before. To give my new relationship the strongest foundation possible, I trained as both a Conscious Uncoupling and Calling in “The One” coach. Through that process, I learned to honour myself more fully and to build love rooted in trust, presence and emotional truth.
As a psychotherapist of over 35 years, I was genuinely surprised to discover through this work, entirely new levels of insight, empowerment and relational skills, insights I now live and practice within my own relationship.
Whether you are recently separated, healing unresolved pain from the past, or longing to create a deeply nourishing relationship, I would be honoured to support you.
Together, we can help you reconnect with your authentic self and open the door to lasting, meaningful love.
This podcast is brought to you by Boost and Bloom.
See all podcast episodes here.
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By Revolutionise Your Love LifeIn this episode of Revolutionise Your Love Life, Heather Garbutt is joined by Catalina, a psychotherapist from Romania who supports survivors and thrivers of narcissistic abuse. Together they explore what it takes to rebuild trust after coercion and gaslighting, and how to date intentionally so you do not repeat old patterns. Heather shares the core principles of Calling in “The One” and Conscious Uncoupling, including why the first relationship to strengthen is the one you have with yourself, how to discern safely (especially online), and why going slowly is not caution, it is wisdom.
Find more support and resources at Heathergarbutt.com.
Key takeaways
Go slowly and date from your adult self. After abuse, the nervous system can confuse intensity with connection. “Chemistry” can be the ignition of an old pattern, not a green flag.
Discernment is a skill. Watch behaviour, not promises. Notice how someone treats service staff, how they speak about ex partners and family, and whether their values actually match yours.
Know what you want, and how you want to feel. Focus on character and values (kindness, respect, trustworthiness, warmth), not surface traits.
Beware love bombing. People who have been starved of safety and tenderness can be especially vulnerable to fast praise, fast intimacy, and big future talk.
Do your emotional work first. Without healing, “gut instinct” can be pulled by familiarity rather than truth. The work is to become grounded, resourced, and sovereign.
About Catalina:
Catalina is a Romanian psychotherapist specialising in individual and group work, with a particular focus on helping women and men recover from narcissistic abuse. Her approach is deeply compassionate, practical, and rooted in restoring voice, safety, and self-trust so survivors can move from coping to thriving.
About Your Host:
I married at 34 with great hope for a long, happy marriage and a family. Over time, though, the relationship unraveled into power struggles, criticism and emotional distance. My own childhood conditioning had left me disconnected from my feelings and needs and despite years of personal work, I couldn’t see a way forward. We separated in 2007.
I stayed on my own for several years, not wanting to repeat the pattern again. In 2016 my life transformed. Through discovering Katherine Woodward Thomas’s work, I called in my “One.” Although I was already a trained psychotherapist and deeply committed to self-development, this work created breakthroughs I hadn’t experienced before. To give my new relationship the strongest foundation possible, I trained as both a Conscious Uncoupling and Calling in “The One” coach. Through that process, I learned to honour myself more fully and to build love rooted in trust, presence and emotional truth.
As a psychotherapist of over 35 years, I was genuinely surprised to discover through this work, entirely new levels of insight, empowerment and relational skills, insights I now live and practice within my own relationship.
Whether you are recently separated, healing unresolved pain from the past, or longing to create a deeply nourishing relationship, I would be honoured to support you.
Together, we can help you reconnect with your authentic self and open the door to lasting, meaningful love.
This podcast is brought to you by Boost and Bloom.
See all podcast episodes here.
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