"Then die. That is the purpose of guards."

It seems that the life of a vampire's chief henchman is no better than that of an Alzarian milkmaid. No wonder he turned to drink.

This is 1980's State of Decay, eliciting the cheesiest ever episode of this podcast from The Two Who Fool (About).

In a land where rubber bats wheel in an unrealistic green sky, the Doctor stops a door with his nose while Romana prefers to play undead rather than talk to Adric (who walks like he has a second badge for Mathematical Excellence secreted up his fundament).

For a feudal society, there's no shortage of fashion statements. The bloodthirsty local gentry model a nice line in goth cosmetics while their agricultural underlings wear miniskirts, string toupees and beards cannibalised from a busted sofa.

Underneath it all, an enormous Nosferatu makes a breakthrough and gets a big hand.

So do Jim and Martin think this story is a Great One or a big Wasting of time?

Listen to find out.