12S4E: The 12 Steps for Everyone

In this episode, Denise and Jackie catch up on a week of heavy emotions, tech snafus, and running on vapors. The mother-daughter duo opens up about somatic grief and how the body holds onto trauma, reflecting on the anniversary of a family loss and the lingering sadness that surfaces even when we don't consciously expect it. They share honest experiences with "sandwich generation" stress, from navigating aging parents' hospital visits to managing daily household overwhelm.

The conversation shifts into reimagining the world we want to live in, exploring everything from Scandinavian park cabins and accessible "third spaces" to day raves, women's sports energy, and Housing First policies. They discuss the importance of gentleness when mental health makes simple tasks like laundry or brushing your teeth feel monumental, and how early recovery routines helped shape healthier boundaries around daily life.

Ultimately, they encourage listeners to move beyond passive observation and show up for the causes they care about, closing with their signature gratitude practice and a grounding reminder to honor what your body and soul need this week.

Key Times:

• 00:02:15 Somatic grief: How the body remembers trauma and loss
• 00:06:02 The "sandwich generation" week: Hospital visits, broken AC, and running on vapors
• 00:08:12 Community, Ginger's ice cream runs, and the healing power of water
• 00:15:04 World-building: Scandinavian park cabins and humanizing public spaces
• 00:22:44 Day raves, third spaces, and the shift in women's sports energy
• 00:27:40 Housing First policies, systemic trauma, and daily bandwidth
• 00:30:08 Early recovery routines: How sponsors, schedules, and laundry shape habits
• 00:34:53 Self-compassion for imperfect days: "At least I folded three shirts"
• 00:38:28 Action over "thoughts and prayers": Showing up for community change

Topics Covered:

• Re-recording tech mishaps and navigating user error
• Somatic memory, anniversary grief, and The Body Keeps the Score
• Navigating "sandwich generation" burnout and practicing self-kindness
• Reimagining public spaces, third spaces, and community connections
• Women's sports vs. traditional sports energy (Angel City FC & Daisy Chain Festival)
• Housing First policies, trauma, and mental health bandwidth for daily chores
• Early recovery routines, sponsor accountability, and decluttering habits
• Examining privilege, systemic support, and taking direct civic action

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• Follow Denise: @denise.freed
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In this episode, Jackie and Denise embrace the core principle of "living life on life's terms" after a week of technical glitches, broken air conditioning during a record Los Angeles heatwave, and family hospital visits. Denise shares her experience dealing with exorbitant home repair quotes and finding an unexpected, serene retreat at a boutique Hollywood hotel.

The conversation expands into broader societal topics as Jackie and Denise unpack the definition of privilege, the "assets and benefits cliff" affecting lower- and middle-class families, and the concept of Universal Basic Needs. They compare US taxation and social safety nets with Scandinavian systems, discussing the steep costs of housing, aging in place, and elder care. The episode wraps up on an uplifting note as Denise recounts a serendipitous moment at a Santa Monica sound bath, where she randomly pulled her own written intuition message from a box on her way out.

Key Times:

• 00:02:08 "Living life on life's terms" during an extreme Los Angeles heatwave
• 00:04:28 Finding unexpected silver linings and practicing acceptance over fear
• 00:09:32 Defining privilege, wealth inequality, and Universal Basic Needs
• 00:13:05 Resource accessibility, search fatigue, and systemic barriers to support
• 00:17:10 The "benefits cliff" and the financial squeeze on middle-class families
• 00:25:50 Comparing US social infrastructure with Scandinavian systems and Japan
• 00:27:29 The realities of housing affordability, aging in place, and elder care costs
• 00:30:17 Beverly Hills luxury real estate, extreme wealth, and strategic philanthropy
• 00:39:09 A Santa Monica sound bath experience at MUD\WTR and pulling her own intuition message

Topics Covered:

• Acceptance and emotional regulation during home and life disruptions
• Privilege, wealth disparities, and the concept of Universal Basic Needs
• The "assets and benefits cliff" in social welfare programs
• Affordable housing, urban planning, and support for aging in place
• Comparative societal perspectives on taxes and community welfare (Scandinavia, Japan)
• Lived experience and 40 years of 12-step practice as valid expertise
• Intuition, mindfulness, and serendipitous spiritual moments

Follow Us:

• Follow Jackie: jackiefreed.la
• Follow Denise: @denise.freed
• Follow us on Instagram: @12stepsforeveryone
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In this episode, Jackie and Denise dive into Step 12, discussing what it means to awaken to our higher selves and carry the message to others. Denise reflects on her early days in recovery, organizing sober outings, and the profound impact of doing intensive step work around her sponsor Claire’s diverse dining room table. She also shares a serendipitous, "woo-woo" moment from a recent sound bath in Santa Monica where she accidentally pulled her own note.

Jackie connects the principles of Step 12 to social work ethics, exploring the importance of self-determination, not gatekeeping resources, and overcoming a scarcity mindset. Together, they discuss the Los Angeles fires as an example of how the rush to help can sometimes be overwhelming, highlighting the need for accessible, intentional service and curated directories. The episode wraps up with a conversation on the difference between self-care and self-soothing, a heartwarming story about a neighborhood pool date for grandma's birthday, and an exciting tease about welcoming guests to the show in the future.

Key Times:

00:01:01 Diving into Step 12 and applying our experience, strength, and hope with others

00:03:58 Denise's experience doing intensive, eight-month group step work with her sponsor, Claire

00:08:35 A serendipitous sound bath experience at Mud Wtr in Santa Monica

00:11:46 How Step 12 aligns with social work ethics, anti-gatekeeping, and overcoming scarcity mindsets

00:15:53 The LA fires and the challenge of organizing overwhelming resources to prevent decision fatigue

00:20:45 Why the rush to help must be matched with intentionality to be truly of service

00:24:53 Breaking down the critical difference between self-care and self-soothing (and when ice cream is the answer)

00:28:13 Teasing a new format: bringing friends and guests onto the podcast

Topics Covered:

• Step 12: Awakening to our higher selves and sharing experience, strength, and hope
• The power of group step work and having diverse perspectives in recovery
• Social work ethics, self-determination, and openly sharing community resources
• The importance of curating resources to prevent fatigue for those experiencing trauma
• Distinguishing between self-care and self-soothing behaviors to end the day

Follow Us:

• Follow Jackie: jackiefreed.la
• Follow Denise: @denise.freed
• Follow us on Instagram: @12stepsforeveryone
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In Episode 65, Jackie and Denise dive into Step 11, which focuses on welcoming mindfulness, grace, and gratitude into our thoughts and behaviors. Denise recounts her recent experience hosting the 25th annual retreat for sober women, where attendees worked through Steps 4, 6, and 7 to confront and process their fears in small groups. From walking the labyrinth and offering up her "awareness" rock, to throwing a silent disco featuring a choir version of Eminem's "Lose Yourself," Denise highlights the immense power of shared connection and intentional gathering.

Jackie shares takeaways from her week-long summer intensive class on Management and Leadership of Organizations. She discusses the importance of unwritten workplace norms (like the culture surrounding lunch breaks), the value of building unstructured downtime into group events, and what it really means to create a safe and meaningful environment. The episode concludes with a heartwarming discussion about a fast-paced class exercise involving writing affirmations to peers, followed by a closing grounding breathwork practice.

Key Times:

00:01:33 Step 11: Welcoming mindfulness, grace, and gratitude

00:02:18 Denise's experience hosting the 25th annual sober women's retreat

00:04:47 Focusing the retreat workshop on fear and working through Steps 4, 6, and 7

00:08:20 The silent disco and grandpa's choir version of Eminem's "Lose Yourself"

00:10:31 Walking the labyrinth at the retreat and leaving the "awareness" rock

00:14:24 Jackie's unexpected insights from a Management and Leadership summer intensive

00:17:11 The impact of subtle workplace norms, including lunch culture

00:22:20 The value of non-productive time and pacing oneself during a busy week of events

00:29:57 The 30-second affirmation paper rotation exercise

00:34:11 A closing grounding exercise focused on deep breathing and gratitude

Topics Covered:

• Step 11: Integrating mindfulness, grace, and gratitude into daily behaviors
• Organizing a sober women's retreat and confronting fear through Steps 4, 6, and 7
• The power of vulnerability, shared communion, and giving people space to process
• Lessons on management, leadership styles, and creating safe workplace environments
• The importance of unstructured downtime and taking breaks to recharge
• Expressing gratitude and the emotional impact of writing affirmations for peers

Topics mentioned:

The Wild and Sacred Feminine Deck

Selected Of God Choir - Lose Yourself (Official Music Video)

Follow Us:

• Follow Jackie: jackiefreed.la
• Follow Denise: @denise.freed
• Follow us on Instagram: @12stepsforeveryone
• Follow us on Tik Tok: @12stepsforeveryone

In Episode 64, Denise and Jackie return from their summer break to officially welcome listeners to the podcast's new name: 12 Steps for Everyone! The mother-daughter duo catches up on their summer, diving straight into Denise’s recent dental surgery and her vulnerable experience with nitrous oxide. Denise reflects on how the feeling of numbness brought back memories of her days before sobriety, reminding her that she prefers feeling the pain over losing control.

They transition into a powerful discussion on Step 10, exploring the concepts of daily reflection, self-forgiveness, and making amends to our past selves. From evaluating the wisdom of the book "Die With Nothing" to finding the courage of a bison facing a storm, they highlight the importance of maximizing life's experiences while we have the capacity to enjoy them.

The episode rounds out with a thoughtful conversation on the power of community, inspired by the Women's World Cup and Denise's upcoming hosting events, reminding us that true joy is found in gathering together. They close with their classic grounding exercise and a reminder to drink some water!

Key Times:

00:03:53 Denise's dental surgery and the nitrous oxide experience

00:09:00 The bison approach: going through the storm instead of running away

00:11:47 Step 10: Maintaining a daily practice of reflection, amends, and forgiveness

00:18:01 "Die With Nothing" and maximizing life experiences at the right age

00:25:51 Doing 10 minutes of workbook daily to move things forward

00:34:49 The importance of in-person community and gathering

00:37:21 Reflections on the Women's World Cup and shared humanity

Topics Covered:

• Transitioning the podcast name to 12 Steps for Everyone
• Dental surgery, nitrous oxide, and choosing to feel discomfort over numbing out
• Step 10: Daily reflection, amends, and forgiveness
• Making amends to our past selves by showing up in the present
• Lessons from "Die With Nothing" on living life fully
• The power of gathering and in-person community in an AI world
• Closing gratitude and breathing practice

Book mentioned:

https://miabirdsong.com/how-we-show-up

https://www.amazon.com/Die-Zero-Getting-Your-Money/dp/0358567092

Follow Us:

• Follow Jackie: jackiefreed.la
• Follow Denise: @denise.freed
• Follow us on Instagram: @12stepsforeveryone
• Follow us on Tik Tok: @12stepsforeveryone

Jackie and Denise tackle Step 9, exploring the nuances of making, and receiving amends. They discuss the importance of setting boundaries when an apology isn't genuine, the relief that comes from cleaning up your side of the street, and how "living amends" can rewrite your legacy over time.

Denise shares a powerful story about a Christmas Eve relapse and the amends that followed, while Jackie reflects on navigating uncomfortable friendship dynamics and learning to read the room. Plus, the hosts pitch an exciting new community "third space" and share their weekly self-care practices.

Ultimately, making a full repair in a relationship requires both extending and receiving grace. It’s crucial to recognize when an apology is actually just someone "taking your inventory," reminding listeners of the value of the restraint of pen and tongue.

Key Times:

00:02:15 Friendship dynamics: Jackie discusses the challenges of receiving amends and repairing relationships

00:08:00 Manipulative apologies: Denise shares a story about rejecting an insincere apology from her dad's ex-wife

00:12:38 The Big Book: Reading "The Promises" to ground the step work

00:16:20 A living amends: Denise's Christmas Eve relapse story and the lasting power of changed behavior

00:19:47 The restraint of pen and tongue: Avoiding reactions so you don't have to apologize later

00:21:41 Taking inventory: Defining what it actually means to "take someone's inventory" under the guise of an amends

00:34:48 Community building: Pitching a weekly Zoom "third space" for the podcast community to connect

00:40:09 Looking ahead: Teaser for Step 10, mindfulness, and the exhausting pressure of wellness culture

00:43:00 Weekly check-ins: Self-care practices and gratitude wrap-up

Topics Covered:

• Navigating the complexities and nuances of making and receiving amends in Step 9
• Setting boundaries against manipulative apologies and recognizing when someone is "taking your inventory"
• The power of "living amends" and proving apologies through consistent, changed behavior
• Practicing the restraint of pen and tongue to avoid creating new harms
• Pitching a new weekly virtual container and "third space" for the podcast community
• Weekly self-care check-ins and reading "The Promises" from the Big Book

Join our upcoming meetings:

https://forms.gle/4VxnNUnev1RoRJMCA (Zoom meeting on Saturday at 10am PST, the meeting is password-protected so please fill out the form to receive the link and password!)

Follow Us:

• Follow Jackie: jackiefreed.la
• Follow Denise: @denise.freed
• Follow us on Instagram: @12stepsforeveryone
• Follow us on Tik Tok: @12stepsforeveryone

Denise and Jackie dive into Step 8 of their recovery and mental health journey, exploring what it means to list the harms we’ve caused and how to navigate making amends. Denise shares personal reflections on her 40 years of sobriety, questioning when "living amends" are enough and noticing her tendency to overcompensate by overworking herself, even at a relative's recent funeral. Jackie contrasts this by sharing her experiences with presence and reliability during her social work practicum, which leads into a larger family discussion about community trust, vulnerability, and the systemic barriers that prevent people from asking for help.

From the shifting cultural landscape of the "double sandwich generation" to the corporate challenges faced by women in leadership, the duo highlights how deeply connected our responsibilities are to our personal well-being. Ultimately, they turn the mirror inward, challenging listeners to place themselves on their own Step 8 list and recognize the self-harm caused by negative self-talk, ignoring physical cues, and rejecting necessary support.

Key Times:

• 00:01:25 Processing grief: Showing up for family after their aunt’s passing
• 00:02:14 Introduction to Step 8 and the concept of "living amends" over 40 years of sobriety
• 00:03:37 Overcompensating with service: The "Porthos booth" realization at the funeral
• 00:05:30 Owning shortcomings: Trying to right a forgotten phone call from a past meeting
• 00:09:25 Lessons in presence: Tornado relief, community reliability, and showing up in a practicum
• 00:11:49 Reimagining virtual vs. in-person container spaces for their busy community
• 00:14:26 Navigating the fatigue of the modern world and the "double sandwich generation" crunch
• 00:15:30 Body nourishment: Unlearning competitive performance expectations to embrace slower movement
• 00:18:20 Armadillo armor: The discomfort of receiving help and asking for what you actually need
• 00:21:49 Self-amends: Reconnecting with physical hunger cues and emotional releases (the beauty of a good cry)
• 00:25:39 Cultural recommendations: The Book of Delights, Theo of Golden, and being kind to service workers
• 00:29:48 The isolation baseline: From New York bodegas to the scary reality of turning to AI for connection
• 00:32:00 Leadership dynamics: Full-time expectations, systemic barriers, and women exiting the workforce
• 00:34:57 Real estate reality: Systemic racism, redlining, covenants, and the generational loss of wealth
• 00:38:54 Celebrating corporate diversity: Token infrastructure investments vs. genuine inclusive leadership
• 00:40:02 Turning Step 8 inward: Facing fear, shame, resentments, and putting yourself on the harm list

Topics Covered:

• Redefining the podcast boundaries from "Emergency Protocol" to "12 Steps for Everyone"
• Evaluating when living amends transition from healing to overcompensation
• The infrastructure of consistency: Building a reliable community container, whether governmental or local
• The H.A.L.T. H. (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, Horny) wellness check-in framework
• Double sandwich generation dynamics: Simultaneously managing aging parents, grandchildren, and careers
• Embracing emotional fluidity: Allowing unexpected tears to serve as a necessary chemical release
• Systemic oppression and redlining in corporate real estate history, and the long path to modern reparations
• Shifting the Step 8 framework to include self-amends, body attunement, and radical self-forgiveness

Join our upcoming meetings:

https://forms.gle/4VxnNUnev1RoRJMCA (Zoom meeting on Saturday at 10am PST, the meeting is password-protected so please fill out the form to receive the link and password!)

Follow Us:

• Follow Jackie: jackiefreed.la
• Follow Denise: @denise.freed
• Follow us on Instagram: @12stepsforeveryone
• Follow us on Tik Tok: @12stepsforeveryone

Denise and Jackie kick off May by highlighting Mental Health Awareness Month. Jackie shares her current challenges as she nears the end of her first year in grad school, discussing her adjustment to a new medication, Lexapro, which has been making her feel exceptionally tired. She emphasizes the importance of basic needs, eating, sleeping, and staying hydrated, as foundational to her well-being during stressful finals and practicum hours.

The conversation shifts to visual planning tools, where Denise discusses her "Big Ass Calendar" used to visualize the entire year's workload and social capital to prevent burnout. They explore productivity insights from business literature, focusing on "subtracting" tasks rather than adding more to streamline professional life. The duo also delves into the necessity of radical honesty in the workplace, debating the effectiveness of the "compliment sandwich" and how socialization often prevents direct communication.

Ultimately, they remind listeners to be proactive rather than reactive in their leadership and personal lives. The episode closes with their signature gratitude practice and a reminder that being attuned to your body's needs is a vital tool in any mental health toolkit.

Key Times:

• 00:01:53 Jackie’s experience adjusting to Lexapro and body attunement
• 00:06:21 Explaining "practicum" in a Master's of Social Work program
• 00:10:05 Visualization tools: The "Big Ass Calendar" on the office wall
• 00:13:02 Productivity through subtraction: Insights from business literature
• 00:16:15 Start with yourself: Challenging standard professional noise
• 00:18:40 Radical honesty: Telling the whole truth in professional settings
• 00:23:50 The "Compliment Sandwich" vs. direct communication
• 00:27:10 Socialization and sparing feelings: A gendered perspective
• 00:33:45 Final thoughts on triaging work stress and proactive planning
• 00:38:37 The closing gratitude practice and deep breathing

Topics Covered:

• Mental Health Awareness Month and its timely arrival
• Navigating medication side effects and timing for functional wellness
• The H.A.L.T. acronym and checking in with primal needs (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired)
• Graduate school demands: Final papers, knowledge assessments, and practicum hours
• Overcoming the stigma of seeking help in higher education (The Writing Center)
• Visualizing the workflow: Google Calendar vs. physical wall calendars for long-term planning
• The concept of "Subtraction" for efficiency: Doing less to achieve more
• Triage in the workplace: Distinguishing between "essential" tasks and "noise"
• Gender dynamics in communication: Why women often spare feelings at the cost of honesty

Join our upcoming meetings:

https://forms.gle/4VxnNUnev1RoRJMCA (Zoom meeting on Saturday at 10am PST, the meeting is password-protected so please fill out the form to receive the link and password!)

Follow Us:

• Follow Jackie: jackiefreed.la
• Follow Denise: @denise.freed
• Follow us on Instagram: @12stepsforeveryone
• Follow us on Tik Tok: @12stepsforeveryone

Jackie and Denise are back after a brief hiatus with a fresh perspective and a new name for the podcast: 12 Steps for Everyone. In this episode, they catch up on their recent travels and personal growth journeys. Jackie discusses the "humble pie" of navigating her first year of grad school, adjusting to new medication, and the beauty of a wedding in Mexico City. Denise shares her restorative solo weekend in Santa Barbara, featuring an inspiring talk by Esther Perel, a playful encounter with an octopus, and the transformative power of "savoring the moment". They also explore the principles of Step 6, vulnerability in recovery, and Denise’s new commitment to financial clarity.

• The Rebrand: Transitioning from Emergency Protocol to 12 Steps for Everyone to better reflect their mission.
• Step 6: Recognizing thoughts and behaviors that no longer serve the greater good.
• Academic Pressure: Jackie’s experience with grad school finals and managing productivity.
• Mental Health & Medication: Navigating the side effects of Lexapro and finding a functional routine.
• Solo Exploration: Denise’s Santa Barbara itinerary, including a stay in a Montecito casita.
• Connection & AI: Insights from Esther Perel’s talk at Godmother's bookstore regarding relationships in the digital age.
• Vulnerability in Community: The emotional safety of 12-step meetings and seeing men express emotion.
• The Science of Happiness: Savoring moments of joy as a tool for rewiring the brain, inspired by Laurie Santos.
• Financial Frontier: Denise’s new 12-week course to bring "grown-up" clarity to her unexamined finances.
• Women's Sports: The excitement of supporting Angel City FC and the rise of women’s athletics.

• 00:00:03: Welcome to the newly renamed podcast, 12 Steps for Everyone.
• 00:02:12: Introduction to Step 6 and behaviors that no longer serve us.
• 00:03:45: Jackie on finals, brain fog, and the "urgency" of productivity.
• 00:08:42: Reflecting on the first year of grad school in the Midwest.
• 00:10:04: Denise’s trip to Santa Barbara and Esther Perel at Godmother's bookstore.
• 00:16:30: A fascinating look at intimacy and the beginnings of AI relationships.
• 00:19:30: Shared vulnerability at a Saturday morning meeting in Montecito.
• 00:20:50: Visiting the Santa Barbara Botanical Garden and playing with an octopus.
• 00:24:21: Thrifting a jacket at a resale store on State Street.
• 00:25:25: Restoring the spirit in a Himalayan salt cave and sound bath.
• 00:26:36: Lunch at La Super-Rica and a sweet encounter with the owner.
• 00:29:20: The importance of "savoring the moment" for nervous system health.
• 00:36:40: Denise’s new financial coach and the resistance to doing inventory.
• 00:43:00: Celebrating the joy of Angel City FC and women’s sports.

Join our upcoming meetings: https://forms.gle/4VxnNUnev1RoRJMCA (Zoom meeting on Saturday at 10am PST; please fill out the form to receive the link and password!)

Follow Us:

• Follow Jackie: jackiefreed.la
• Follow Denise: @denise.freed
• Follow us on Instagram: @12stepsforeveryone
• Follow us on Tik Tok: @12stepsforeveryone

In Episode 59, Denise and Jackie celebrate a massive milestone: Denise’s 40th anniversary of sobriety. From office surprises with Martinelli’s to heartfelt messages from her community, Denise reflects on the vast difference between her life today and the "bedraggled" 19-year-old she was during the 1984 LA Olympics. As the city prepares for the 2028 games, she shares the joy of being a functioning, "eagle-eyed" professional who can finally enjoy the world with clarity and presence.

The duo also dives into the nuances of success and education. With both of Denise’s daughters now in grad school, they discuss the "full circle" beauty of academic achievement in a family where earlier generations didn't have the same access. Denise opens up about her past shame regarding her own unconventional education and how she has come to embrace her unique way of learning and leading. Plus, they touch on the intersection of Passover and Easter, the importance of being a "vault" for others, and why mental health remains a vital practice.

Key Times:

• 00:01:33 Denise’s 40-year sobriety milestone and office celebrations
• 00:06:50 The Full Circle Olympics: Comparing 1984 vs. 2028
• 00:10:40 Navigating sugar cravings and coping mechanisms in recovery
• 00:20:16 Grad school, breaking generational cycles, and Ocean Vuong
• 00:23:56 Earned success: Being "Eagle Eyes Freed" in the workplace
• 00:32:30 Embracing different learning styles and letting go of academic shame
• 00:36:30 Being "The Vault": Trustworthiness and listening to Fifth Steps
• 00:45:37 Family, holidays, and the joy of gluten-free masa
• 00:51:53 The closing gratitude practice and deep breathing

Topics Covered:

• Celebrating 40 years of sobriety and reflections on long-term recovery
• The excitement of the 2028 LA Olympics pre-sale
• Substitutions in recovery: Managing sugar, coffee, and nicotine
• The generational impact of education and academic achievement
• Professional growth and pattern recognition ("Eagle Eyes")
• Overcoming shame related to traditional education paths
• The responsibility and honor of being a "safe person" for others' secrets
• Merging family traditions: Passover, Easter, and cultural heritage
• Self-care as a form of gratitude and the importance of hydration

Join our upcoming meetings: https://forms.gle/4VxnNUnev1RoRJMCA (Zoom meeting on Saturday at 10am PST; please fill out the form to receive the link and password!)

Follow Us:

• Follow Jackie: jackiefreed.la
• Follow Denise: @denise.freed
• Follow us on Instagram: @12stepsforeveryone
• Follow us on Tik Tok: @12stepsforeveryone