You're all tucked in and ready for a good night's sleep, when suddenly...you realize you're not alone. A colony of bed bugs has invaded you're mattress and they don't have plans to leave any time soon. You'll have to burn the house down to get rid of those disgusting, free-loading, good for nothing bastards.

It may only be November 11, but if your holiday shopping is not done by next weekend, you are in big touble. There will be no more messing around, no more waiting to the last minute and no more excuses. You've had 10 months already to get it done. That's it.

Crazy has it's own special way of reaching out to let you know it's there. It's more than just a look or a feeling...it's something far deeper and more insidious that grips you and pulls you in. It's a good thing Virginia's in a relationship, because even on TV, she can still find "crazy" without even trying. Danger lurks everywhere.

If a big motorhome comes driving up to your house one day, don't get too excited. Run and close all the windows, draw all the curtains and lock the doors. It might not be that you're a winner in the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. You might just be the next contestant on the Suzanne Westenhoefer reality series, "How the Fcuk Don't You Know?!"

Believe it or not, today's seniors may be having more sex than you. That's not a bad thing, either. For us it means we have another option for making money in our retirement. We can open up a sex toy shop right next to the senior community and make lots of money. When the nursing home is rockin'.....don't come a knockin'.

We trek off to Vegas for the weekend to celebrate Beth's birthday and enjoy a weekend of offensive t-shirts, karaoke and pawn shops. As they say in Vegas, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas". But, even with that...sometimes you still want the people to just leave and go home.

Anyone who tells you that running is fun and that they get a "runner's high" when they run long distances, is just full of shit. You have permission to tell them so...from someone who knows.

It's not exactly penis envy...it's more like penis curiosity. If you could take a pill that gave you a penis of your very own for just one day, you need to make sure you get your money's worth out of it. Roxanne's niece, Ashley, joins us for this important topic. We definitely needed the straight girl perspective on this one.

If men had to get the equivalent of a mammogram on their penis once a year, you can be sure that there would all of a sudden be incredible advances in technology. Instead of having your organ squished and squeezed, and flattened out across a set of cold plates the length of the room, men would invent a soft, mouth-shaped cup that would gently grip their penis and move rhythmically back and forth to scan for any abnormalities. Every machine would come equipped with a soft towel for "cleaning up" afterwards. Men would be lining up around the block for their exams.

Lots of different cities and states have a unique claim to fame. In California, the San Fernando Valley is considered the Porn Capital of the World due to the number of studios and production houses cranking out skin flicks. Next time you visit this great state, you can head down to Disneyland to see Pocahontas and then travel to the Valley to see Poke-A-Hot-Ass....all in the same day.