Let’s talk about prep — specifically, the kind that’s surrounded by whispers, myths, porn pressure, and more than a little anxiety. In Part A of Before and After, Tim and Jon get right up in it (figuratively… mostly) to unpack what douching actually is, when it’s useful, and when it’s really not.

We start by clearing up one of the biggest points of confusion: anal rinsing versus vaginal douching, and why lumping them together causes more harm than good. From there, we dig into the why — comfort, confidence, partner expectations — and gently but firmly dismantle the idea that “everyone does it every time.” Spoiler: bodies aren’t porn sets, and they don’t need to be.

This episode takes a practical, shame-free look at how the body works, how far is far enough (hint: you’re not meant to reach the colon), and why over-douching can actually make sex riskier through irritation, micro-tears, and microbiome disruption. We talk timing, frequency, water temperature, equipment choices, and why soap should never be invited to this party.

Just as importantly, we look at the psychological side — cleanliness anxiety, internalised shame, and how cultural ideas of “clean sex” got so deeply embedded in queer spaces. Along the way, we cover accessibility, disability considerations, trans and gender-diverse experiences, and how to talk about prep with partners without turning it into pressure.

The takeaway? You don’t owe anyone “porn-clean.” Comfort, consent, and knowing your own body will always beat unrealistic expectations.

Want to see more? Watch Michael and Mr Australasia Bear 2010 talk douching in this video from downandirty!

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This episode was recorded on the lands of the Yalukut Weelam clan of the Boon Wurrung peoples. We pay our respects to their elders, past, present and emerging, and acknowledge that sovereignty was never ceded.

Find other JOY podcasts at joy.org.au