Get ready, Theophiloi, because it's time for a tightly plotted heist story about our favorite Deuterocanonical heroine, Judith! We'll be heading into a slice of the Apocrypha with some sharp commentary that cuts right to the good stuff. Get to listening, chop chop! Plus: Some very good and suggestions for improving Hanukkah that you can implement in your own celebrations!

Topics of discussion: The ironies (all of them), Doubting Tomax, a prelude to Martinmas, St. Isadore the Hedgehog, an extended digression about Simon Magus and Avril Lavigne, The RAMBAN, Antilebanon, the Cracker Barrel Master Mold, earth and water, the most boss flex in the entire Bible, getting captured on purpose, Alfred, cheese plots, a Comic-Con of soldiers, and whether Holofernes was just a foot guy.

Hymnal: "Heads Will Roll" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Offertory: If you enjoy the show, head to ko-fi.com/apocrypals and send us a love offering! We absolutely appreciate it!