The Ashes is upon us, and this time it really is The Ashes. Of cricket. Literally. The flaming, dying embers of the game as we know it, which then become actual ashes, followed by bulk bunce in Saudi Arabia or whatever. Nah, not really, because Stokesian captaincy and the Bazball revolution are here to Save Cricket, which if nothing else, permits the hosts early moral superiority points in the 8-week War Of Words which precedes the 6 week Test series. Also, Australia plays India for the actual championship of the thing, which when you think about it makes sense as a warm-up to the main event. The main event being a golf trip in Liverpool. Normal and good. In and around all that discussion is Barney Ronay and Adam Zampa.

Onto more familiar matters – the schedule for Australia's home summer has been released with Pakistan, West Indies and South Africa all coming out. Cricket Australia is offering early bird discounts before June 6 - all you have to do is sign up to the Australian Cricket Family at cricket.com.au/acf. Happy to be offering discounts on bunce for a day out at the cricket. Get around it, and it, you. In a circular motion etc.

We also talk IPL, ICC distributions, and the social and cultural undercurrents at play on the major existential matters facing cricket, according to two blokes off the Internet. An English cuck writes in for #AskTGC about God knows what in a story about France and a West Indian, and we finish with a visceral minute via “Ginger Century”, who makes a strange, potentially northern English, noise at the end. Can anyone tell us what that noise was? Not in a “secret sound” way – genuinely don’t know what the noise was. And of course you would take Faf’s rig, you TOW-TAL SLAG!

Budgy is backing us big time this English summer, get around them at budgysmuggler.com

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