Aziz’s life has been a story of chance – and choice. As Michael pieces together Aziz’s journey from Sudan to Manus, he realises Aziz has been searching for a safe place for about eight years. So what gives him the ability, and the energy, to speak out? How has Aziz fought for so long, and what makes him want to be ‘the messenger’?

‘I’m pretending like I’m really happy, and laugh, and you know, smiling on the phones and doing stuff like that – so they feel like, “Oh, my son is really living in a good environment”. So they think like that, but the opposite is the truth.’

Aziz

Aziz tells Michael, ‘I have got some people ...waiting for me. They love me, they want me to be with them.’ Haltingly, and sometimes with great difficulty, Aziz starts to share stories about his home, the family that he longs to see, and why he fled.

Looking to find out more, Michael speaks to Sudan expert Anne Bartlett about the current situation there. As Aziz shares snapshots from his past, Anne talks Michael through the conflict in Sudan, which, despite leaving the headlines long ago, continues to unfold.

Michael worries that he’s adding to Aziz’s trauma by digging up painful memories – ever aware of how hard it is to have these kinds of conversations in short, overlapping messages, without the benefit of reading someone’s signals face to face.

Meanwhile, Aziz weighs up how much to tell his family about Manus, and explains to Michael why he’s sometimes tortured by regret.

Warning: This episode of The Messenger includes graphic content and mentions self-harm. If you or someone you know needs help, you can contact one of Australia’s national 24/7 crisis services such as Lifeline on 13 11 14 or at lifeline.org.au, or the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467.

Transcript

Download a PDF transcript of this episode here.

In this episode

• Abdul Aziz Muhamat
• Michael Green
• Associate Professor Anne Bartlett, University of New South Wales, President of the Sudan Studies Association

Our theme music was composed by Raya Slavin. Music used in this episode includes: 'Blue Milk' by Stereolab, 'Up the Box' by Andy Stott, 'Feld' by To Rococo Rot, 'Firefly' and 'Four-Day Interval' by Tortoise, 'Cutting Branches for a Temporary Shelter' by Penguin Cafe Orchestra, 'Ending' by Kazumasa Hashimoto, 'Remedios the Beauty' by Oren Ambarchi, 'Lazyboat' and 'Vostok' by Triosk, 'Passages' by Bowery Electric, 'Self Seal Mishap' by Tennis and 'Ba Ba' by Sigur Rós.

More information

The Messenger is a co-production of Behind the Wire and the Wheeler Centre. It’s produced by Michael Green, André Dao, Hannah Reich and Bec Fary, with Jon Tjhia and Sophie Black at the Wheeler Centre.

Narration by Michael Green. With reporting by Abdul Aziz Muhamat. Additional fact checking by the Guardian's Ben Doherty; transcription by Claire McGregor, Victoria Grey, Camilla Chapman, Lena Lettau and many more​. This episode was edited and mixed by Bec Fary and Jon Tjhia.

Thank you

Dana Affleck, Angelica Neville and Sienna Merope. Also to Cameron Ford and Heidi Pett, and to Behind the Wire’s many participants and volunteers. Behind the Wire is supported by the Bertha Foundation.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.