On Today’s Menu:

• Enshittification — when good spots go to hell faster than you can say “franchise special”
• Our Burger Crawl is serious business — chase the perfect patty or die trying
• Ambiance can make or break it — too fancy, I’m broke; too grim, I’m gone
• Authenticity’s our lifeline — mid-meat at One Steakhouse? John would rather eat his shoe
• Staff with a pulse save the day — treat ‘em right, or your steak’s toast
• Corkage fees? Negotiate gracefully, lest Spring Mountain’s $35 tariff spoil the vintage
• The 80s? John’s prime and shame. Dining memories hit harder than a hangover from a bad Bordeaux… for better or worse
• Joel Robuchon’s restaurants are untouchable — his legacy endures with 20 years of mashed potato perfection and impeccable service
• Service post-COVID’s a shitshow — empty rooms cling to petty rules, defying hospitality’s core
• Influencer clowns? All style, no substance — shilling “certified vibes” while grifting free meals

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