Is being ‘nice’ at work doing more harm than good?

Many of us equate niceness with being a good leader. But we suggest that when we soften messages, it is more about avoiding discomfort and tiptoeing around conflict.

We explore why ‘being nice’ can often lead to unclear expectations, unspoken issues, and missed opportunities for growth, both for individuals and the organisation as a whole.

Instead of chasing niceness, we suggest aiming for kindness, which requires clarity, courage, and putting the other person’s development above your own comfort.

Drawing on Kim Scott’s Radical Candor model, we discuss how to balance care with challenge, how to give feedback that lands, and why 15 seconds of discomfort is often all it takes to make a real difference.

If you're leading a team or shaping culture, this episode will help you understand why niceness can get in the way of effective leadership, and what to do instead.

We offer practical tips for building a feedback culture, reframing discomfort, and communicating with compassion and courage.

Key points discussed

• The difference between being ‘nice’ and being kind
• Why discomfort often signals a moment of real leadership
• The Radical Candor model: care personally, challenge directly
• Why giving feedback isn’t about you - it’s about their growth
• How to normalise feedback through culture and habit
• Top tips for handling courageous conversations effectively

Key takeaway

Being nice can feel safe, but it often masks avoidance. True kindness means stepping into discomfort, offering clarity, and prioritising growth over harmony.

Courageous conversations aren’t easy - but they are essential.

Thank you for tuning into this episode of The Strategic Leader podcast. 

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If you have any questions or want to discuss anything, we’d love to hear from you:

www.gemmabullivant.co.uk (for Gemma)

www.wearegoodthinking.co.uk (for Fi)