Listen at your own risk, Theophiloi, for this is our most curséd episode yet! We lost our first recording, our second only made it six minutes in, and our third... Well, at this point we're just hoping it's not a real FDS (Final Destination Situation). Either way, we've got a good one in the Acts of John, the apocryphal adventures of an Apostle who resurrected his way through various horrible sex crimes. Plus: Was John a dog? Like, literally?

Topics of discussion: Mr. Paul, Bapto & Patmo & Presbo & Thunderson, Robin-Hood-Was-A-Fox Real, Phillip: He Likes Horses, Cleopatra (not that one), the Nine Wonders of the World, psickle, bedbug hats, Docetism, hinder parts, Gustav Holst, apocryphal yaoi.

Hymnal: "Living Dead Girl" by Rob Zombie

Offertory: Each person should do as they have decided in their heart, so if you enjoy the show, head to ko-fi.com/apocrypals, for the Apocrypals love a cheerful giver.