Operator: This is 999. You're through to the police. What is your emergency?

Caller: I need to report a crime...

Operator: Very good, sir. What would you like to report?

Caller: Some children in the park are pulling twigs off a tree.

Operator: Ah. Not really a crime, that, sir...

Caller: Well, there's also a dead hedgehog in the road, here.

Operator: Erm. OK. One of those days... Again, sir, not a crime. Is it causing a hold-up, stopping traffic or anything?

Caller: No but it doesn't look great...

Operator: As I said, then, not a crime.

Caller: OK, well, how about this: Simon Byron dropped a c-bomb on the latest edition of One Life Left.

Operator: A what?

Caller: A c-bomb. You know? He said the word cu-

Operator: Oh! Yes sir, I understand...

Caller: Well, it was beeped out but the beep didn't half distress my cat...

Operator: Poor thing.

Caller: Thank you.

Operator: What else happened?

Caller: Well, he also talked about almost breaking the law in Sweden and performed an impromptu impression of Bob Hoskins.

Operator: Go on...

Caller: They talked about the highest grossing video game movies... there was a Ste Curran Fast Three and the "simplicity" of digital ownership was touched on, amongst other things...

Operator: OK, right...

Caller: They didn't just talk about random stuff, though! They also talked about other recent news items in the world of video games as well as covering listeners' letters. And they reviewed Death Loop, Fire Girl DX, Freshly Frosted and Please Fix The Road, though their review scores are always 7/10 for some reason...

Operator: Did you just speak in hyperlinks?!

Caller: What? No idea what you're talking about... Personally, I think something should be done. People should write in to the show at [email protected]. Maybe tell them if they've actually seen the Warcraft movie, for example. I certainly haven't...

Operator: Erm.

Caller: Or join the One Life Left Discord channel to tell them what they think of the show there! The link for that is hard to pronounce but it's https://discord.gg/nzcMpvbCpk They could also talk about how bad these show notes are!

Operator: Well, I'm sorry sir but, again, this isn't really a police matter... Unless...

Caller: Unless what?

Operator: That dead hedgehog you saw.

Caller: What about it?

Operator: Was it blue?

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