Brace yourselves, Theophiloi, because this episode is a Triple-Epistle! (Tripistle?) Your humble Sons of Thunder are taking on not one, not two, but all three of the extremely short Johannine Epistles, in which we discover that a dude who once offered to burn down an entire city for Jesus, was actually way more chill than Mr. Paul. Quelle surprise. Plus: two solid minutes of us laughing at our own jokes about Ninja Warrior.

Topics of discussion: the weirdest places we've ever been witnessed to, Big Youth Pastor Energy, AO3's new motto, the antichrist, the Luigi of Jesus, James the Just's Mansion, Children of the Devil, Phantasm V: JesVs, Cerenthus, the Johannine Comma, Diotrephes.

Hymnal: "The Lust, The Flesh, The Eyes and The Pride Of Life," by the 77s

Offertory: Each person should do as they have decided in their heart, so if you enjoy the show, head to ko-fi.com/apocrypals, for the Apocrypals love a cheerful giver.