Happy Hanukkah, Theophiloi, and welcome back to the action-packed saga of the Dynasty of God's Resisters! Ptolemy (not that one, the one who loves daddy) is causing some trouble in Alexandria, and by trouble, we mean a mass execution via 500 drunk elephants. This book rules. Plus: our hopefully not offensive suggestions for new Hanukkah traditions! Will Judith bring you a fancy pen on her way to her next beheading? We hope so!

Topics of discussion: Dreidel single player campaign mode, particles, Lebanon-3, an insignificant person, friends vs. Friends, the Miracle of the Stationery, Hermon: Keeper of the Elephants, questions for elephant scientists, frightful devices, a definitive numerical power level for God, das0l0m0nz0ne.

Hymnal: "Pink Elephants on Parade" by Mel Blanc, Thurl Ravenscroft, and the Sportsmen

Offertory: If you have been given riches, wealth, and honor so that you lack nothing of all you desire for yourself, let a stranger enjoy them via ko-fi.com/apocrypals. The Lord, after all, loves a cheerful giver.