Sometimes we can get so focused on the dating side of things, trying to attract someone, and trying to find the right person, we forget about the other 80% of work that comes from dating and relationships. That’s right 80% and that’s just my very rough, unresearched estimation of the amount of energy and skill involved in maintaining a relationship. This week we talk about the third component of the DRD framework - what to do when you have a relationship and how to nurture it.

Relationships 101

• Naturally, there’s a lot of ground to cover with relationships in general and more so when one lives with a disability. That’s why I created this podcast, so we can take a deeper dive into it all.
• Let’s begin with the basics - do you like them and they like you? It seems like a nobrainer, but there’s many couples who are together because one person showed an interest and/or it’s just convenient.
• And if you like to just be with them, have you considered if they meet your criteria for a partner. You do have a criteria, don’t you?

Relationship Criteria 

• Acknowledgement that sometimes you may just want to date and have fun without thinking about it becoming too serious.
• But when you are looking for something a little more serious, do you first consider what you’re looking for in both a relationship and a partner? You know, are there enough things in common to enjoy together when the infatuation wears off? Do they have enough of the same values as you as a person? Let’s take a very broad example. Often people who, let’s say, are more expansive in their thinking and approach to people may have a challenging time being in an intimate relationship with someone who is more structured and categorize in their thinking. How about that for being diplomatic?
• Once you gotten to know someone, do you then ask yourself do they meet your criteria for what you’re looking for?

Where Do We Go From Here? 

• This podcast is called Dating, Relationships, and Disability for a reason. I’ve always said that I just don’t want PWD to date. I want them to have happy, healthy and fulfilling relationships.
• If you’re out there dating and you’re unclear about what you want in a relationship, please, please download the guide in the show notes on having a relationship vision. Now, it will seem like a silly exercise, but it’s so helpful in you getting clear about what you’re looking for in a partner. The guide helps you focus on what qualities in another person you want to attract to you. Provide an example.
• Trust me, this exercise is so helpful. I would read it daily for years. Yes, dating involves time and patience. But my husband has so many of the qualities I wrote about nearly ten years before I met him.

Resources

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Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate