Dating, Relationships, and Disability

From time to time, I like to share concepts I teach inside the Dating Made Easier community about developing a mindset for not only successful dating, but for greater happiness in life.

You Are More Than Judgments teaches you how to detach your sense of self-worth from the judgments of others. It’s easy to fall into the trap of seeking approval or fearing disapproval, especially when living with a visible disability or any characteristic that makes you stand out. But this mindset shifts when you understand that you are inherently worthy, regardless of how others view or judge you. By learning to feel confident and independent of others' judgments, you free yourself from the constraints of societal expectations and develop a stronger, more authentic sense of self.

Imagine who you could become if you respectfully didn’t care about the opinions of others. Without the weight of external judgments holding you back, you might feel more empowered to pursue your passions, express yourself freely, and take risks you might otherwise avoid. You would likely find yourself acting with more courage and authenticity, aligning your actions with your true desires rather than conforming to what is expected or considered acceptable by others. This shift in mindset can lead to a more fulfilling and self-directed life, where you are the author of your own story.

Your disability is a part of who you are, and it will likely be with you for life. So, why not radically accept it? "Radical acceptance means practicing a conscious effort to acknowledge and honor difficult situations and emotions. Fully accepting things as they are, instead of ignoring, avoiding, or wishing the situation were different, can be a critical step in moving through a difficult experience to experiencing more meaning." From PsychCentral.com

Radical acceptance is about fully acknowledging your disability as a part of your identity without judgment or resistance. It’s about recognizing that wishing things were different doesn’t change reality, but accepting things as they are can lead to a more peaceful and meaningful life. When you radically accept your disability, you stop fighting against it and start living with it, embracing all aspects of yourself fully and without reservation.

Practicing radical acceptance means making a conscious effort to acknowledge and honor difficult situations and emotions rather than avoiding or denying them. It involves letting go of resistance and embracing reality, even when it’s painful or uncomfortable. By fully accepting things as they are, you open yourself up to new possibilities and perspectives. Instead of being stuck in a cycle of frustration or denial, you begin to see your situation as a starting point for growth and change. This practice can be transformative, allowing you to move through difficult experiences, such as potential not accepting your disability, with greater resilience and a sense of peace.

Accepting your disability and the challenges it brings does not mean resigning yourself to a life of limitations. Instead, it’s about embracing your whole self, including your abilities and the unique strengths that come from your experiences. Radical acceptance helps you see the value in your journey and the lessons learned along the way. It allows you to live more fully in the present moment, letting go of regrets about the past or anxieties about the future. This mindset can empower you to focus on what you can control and how you can create a meaningful and fulfilling life. It also makes you more attractive to the people you’re meant to draw into your life because it’s human nature to want to be with people who are comfortable with themselves. It frees us to be who we are and gives you unshakable confidence.

In conclusion, building unshakeable confidence and practicing radical acceptance can lead to a more liberated and authentic existence. By learning to be independent of others’ judgments and accepting your reality without resistance, you free yourself from unnecessary suffering and self-doubt. This journey isn’t always easy, but it’s a path towards self-discovery, growth, and empowerment. With this mindset, you can face dating challenges with greater resilience and grace, finding meaning and purpose in every experience. And an added bonus is confidence helps you enjoy your dating journey that much more.

Need help with building unshakable confidence and radically accepting your disability or other significant difference, come into our Dating Made Easier community and we’ll show you how to do it. You’ll learn other dating skills and get coaching on the challenges you face to having unshakable confidence.

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate

When considering your needs in dating and relationships, it's helpful to think about them in terms of a hierarchy, much like Maslow's hierarchy of needs. At the base level, you must first feel safe, both emotionally and physically, before you can focus on higher-level needs such as love, belonging, esteem, and self-actualization. Each of these needs plays a crucial role in the foundation and growth of a healthy relationship, and understanding what you require in each area can guide you towards more fulfilling connections. This is of course particularly true if you live with a disability.

Physical and emotional safety are naturally essential due to the unfortunate common occurrence of some people taking advantage of the vulnerability that can be inherent with any disability. However, I think because people with disability are still breaking free from a social history of not being seen as dating and relationship partners, it’s equally crucial that we prioritize the higher level needs of belonging, esteem, and self-actualization.

I’m going to take you through the hierarchy of dating needs to get you thinking about what you individually need for a relationship to work for you. Safety is the most fundamental need in any relationship. You need to feel secure, not just physically, but emotionally as well. Emotional safety involves trust, where you feel confident that your partner will not intentionally hurt you or take advantage of your vulnerabilities. It also means having the space to express your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or backlash.

Emotional safety also includes your disability being seen as a natural part of who you are, resulting in being treated and spoken to respectfully. Physical safety ensures that you are free from any form of harm or threat. When you feel safe, you can let your guard down and be more authentic, allowing the relationship to deepen naturally.

Once your safety needs are met, the next level of needs involves love and belonging. In a relationship, you want to feel accepted for who you are without having to hide parts of yourself. This involves mutual respect and understanding, where both partners feel valued and appreciated. Belonging also means feeling connected, where you share experiences, emotions, and thoughts, creating a sense of unity and partnership.

To feel like you belong in a relationship, you may need a balance of freedom and closeness, where you can maintain your individuality while still being an integral part of the relationship. To truly feel like you belong in a relationship, you also need to feel valued and respected. This includes feeling heard and understood by your partner, knowing that your opinions and feelings matter. It’s important that you feel free to be yourself, make choices, and have personal space while knowing that your partner respects these boundaries. Feeling valued means your partner acknowledges your worth and sees the unique qualities that you bring to the relationship. 

This also includes feeling that all of you is accepted, disability and all. Your self esteem needs in a relationship involve feeling good about yourself. You want to feel confident and self-assured in your role as a partner. This means being with someone who recognizes your strengths and encourages you to shine. Naturally, it would not include negativity or putting you down in any way because of your disability. When you are appreciated for who you are and what you contribute, it boosts your self-esteem.

It is also about feeling competent and capable in your interactions, where you are not afraid to take the lead or share your perspective. A partner who uplifts and supports you can help you feel more secure and self-assured. Feeling fulfilled and experiencing personal growth in a relationship relates to the need for self-actualization. This involves reaching your full potential and becoming the best version of yourself. You may find fulfillment in a relationship that challenges you in healthy ways, encouraging you to grow and learn. This could mean learning new skills together, pursuing shared goals, or supporting each other’s individual dreams and aspirations.

A fulfilling relationship provides opportunities for both partners to explore their passions and grow independently while nurturing the relationship. In a relationship, what’s most important to you might be acceptance, transparency, and valuing diversity. Acceptance involves embracing each other’s flaws and differences, knowing that no one is perfect. Transparency means being open and honest about your feelings, thoughts, and desires. It’s about building a foundation of trust where both partners feel safe to share their true selves. Valuing diversity means appreciating the unique backgrounds, experiences, and perspectives that each person brings to the relationship.

When these elements are present, you can build a relationship based on mutual understanding and respect. Ultimately, to feel truly fulfilled and growing in a relationship, you need a partner who supports your journey towards self-actualization. This means encouraging your personal growth, celebrating your achievements, and being there through your challenges. You need a relationship where you feel inspired, where your dreams and aspirations are not just acknowledged but actively supported.

Feeling fulfilled means that you are not only happy in the present but also excited about the future, both as an individual and as a part of the relationship. It is certainly time for people with disabilities, or anyone who has been marginalized in dating, to seek and expect relationships in which our hierarchy of needs are joyfully fulfilled. If you’re looking for support in finding this kind of relationship for, join our Dating Made Easier community for coaching, support and resources to meet your desires and needs.

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate

One of the key struggles for many who have been marginalized in the dating scene is feeling like a disability or other significant difference is a detractor for others. Whether you believe it’s seen as a burden, a barrier, or something that takes away from who you are, that belief just won’t serve you well for drawing the right relationships to you.

If this is something you’re struggling with or you know someone struggling with valuing their disability or differences in dating, I’d like to talk to you about the concept of “Difference as an Asset,” which I teach in my Dating Made Easier community.

"Difference is an Asset" is a powerful concept that shifts the narrative around disabilities or differences from being viewed as obstacles to being recognized as valuable strengths. This mindset encourages you to embrace what makes them unique, understanding that these differences are not just hurdles to overcome but integral parts of their identity that can enhance their lives and the lives of others. When you begin to see our differences as assets, you unlock the potential to contribute to relationships in ways that others may not, bringing perspectives, strengths, and skills that are truly unique.

One of the key teachings of "Difference is an Asset" is that it helps you build confidence in their abilities. By reframing how they see themselves and their differences, you can begin to appreciate the strengths these differences bring. For example, someone who has learned to navigate life with a disability often develops resilience, creativity, and problem-solving skills. These traits are invaluable in relationships, where challenges and conflicts require patience, adaptability, and innovative thinking.

Your difference, whether it be a disability or any other unique characteristic, has likely required you to develop a deep understanding of your needs and how to advocate for them. This self-awareness and assertiveness are crucial in relationships, where clear communication and mutual respect are foundational. When you understand your own needs and can express them effectively, you create a strong foundation for a healthy partnership. This ability to articulate and assert your needs can be a powerful asset in any relationship.

Moreover, living with a difference often requires you to develop empathy and understanding for others who may also face challenges. This heightened sense of empathy allows you to connect with others on a deeper level, recognizing and valuing their struggles and triumphs. In relationships, this can translate to being a compassionate and supportive partner, someone who is willing to listen, understand, and stand by their partner through thick and thin. This kind of emotional intelligence is an asset that enhances the quality of any relationship.

Viewing your difference as an asset rather than an obstacle also empowers you to approach relationships with a unique perspective. For instance, you may have developed alternative ways of doing things or thinking about problems, which can bring fresh ideas and solutions to a partnership. This ability to think outside the box can be incredibly beneficial in a relationship, where flexibility and innovation often lead to growth and deeper connection.

Furthermore, embracing your difference as an asset helps to challenge societal norms and expectations about what makes a "good" partner. It allows you to redefine what you bring to a relationship, focusing on the strengths you bring rather than conforming to traditional standards. This mindset can inspire both you and your partner to appreciate and celebrate the diversity of experiences and perspectives that each of you brings to the table.

By adopting the mindset that "Difference is an Asset," you also become a role model for others who may be struggling to see the value in their own differences. Your confidence in your unique contributions can encourage others to embrace their differences as well, creating a ripple effect of positivity and acceptance. This not only strengthens your own relationships but also contributes to a more inclusive and understanding society.

Seeing your difference as an asset rather than an obstacle is a transformative mindset that enhances your ability to be a good partner and contribute meaningfully to relationships. It allows you to bring unique strengths, perspectives, and skills to the table, enriching your relationships and helping you connect with others on a deeper level. Embracing this mindset not only benefits you personally but also has the potential to inspire and uplift those around you, creating a more inclusive and accepting world.

If this concept of Difference as an Asset resonates with you, I invite you to give the Dating Made Easier community a try. We give great support, guidance and monthly workshops for dating with more ease and confidence.

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate

Much of the key to success in general and especially in dating and relationships is your mental approach, mainly what you believe is possible for yourself and your life. This is particularly true if you live with a disability or other significant differences that makes connecting with others more challenging.

Today we’re talking about how to keep your brain focused on your dating possibilities.

In our Dating Made Easier community, I’m going to begin teaching the **Believe in Possibilities** technique. It’s a powerful approach that encourages you to focus on the potential for success in dating and relationships, regardless of their current circumstances. This method is transformative because it challenges long-held beliefs and societal norms that often limit our perception of what is possible. By questioning these ingrained beliefs, we can start to reshape our mindset, opening ourselves up to new opportunities for personal growth, relationship success, and fulfillment in life. The technique is not just about hoping for a better future; it's about actively creating one by shifting our perspective and taking consistent action.

One of the key aspects of this technique is recognizing that the future is a blank canvas, full of limitless possibilities. The beauty of this realization is that the future holds no evidence of limitations; it is only restricted by the boundaries we set in our minds. When we believe in possibilities, we give ourselves permission to imagine a future where we can achieve our desires, no matter how unattainable they may seem at the moment. This mindset empowers us to dream big and to take steps toward making those dreams a reality.

Our minds are incredibly powerful tools in the creation of our reality. When we allow ourselves to believe in possibilities, we engage our imagination to envision outcomes that may have previously seemed impossible. This process of visualization is crucial because it helps to create a mental map of where we want to go and what we want to achieve. As we focus on these possibilities, our minds begin to work on ways to make them happen, drawing on creativity and resourcefulness to find solutions to challenges.

Historically, all great achievements began as ideas that seemed impossible. The airplane, the internet, even the concept of space travel—these were all once considered beyond the realm of possibility. Yet, they became reality because someone believed in the possibility and took action to bring it to life. This is the same process that occurs when we apply the Believe in Possibilities technique to our personal lives, particularly in the context of dating and relationships. By believing that success is possible, we create the foundation for making it happen.

It's important to understand that changing ingrained beliefs is not an overnight process. It requires practice and persistence. The Believe in Possibilities technique encourages us to continually question the validity of our limiting beliefs and to replace them with more empowering ones. This ongoing practice helps to rewire our thought patterns, making it easier over time to embrace new possibilities and act on them with confidence. As we do this, we begin to see shifts in our experiences, attracting more positive outcomes in our relationships and other areas of life.

One of the greatest gifts of this technique is the freedom it offers. When we understand that all possibilities exist in the future, we are no longer bound by the constraints of our past or present circumstances. This realization can be incredibly liberating, as it allows us to break free from the narratives that have held us back and to explore new avenues of growth. The future is not predetermined; it is something we create with our thoughts, beliefs, and actions.

Having your beautiful brain focus on possibilities also fosters a sense of resilience. When we believe in possibilities, setbacks and failures are no longer seen as endpoints but as part of the journey toward success. We begin to view challenges as opportunities for learning and growth, rather than as obstacles that define our worth or capabilities. This shift in perspective can be particularly empowering in the realm of dating and relationships, where rejection or disappointment can often lead to tfeelings of inadequacy or hopelessness.

Ultimately, the Believe in Possibilities technique is about reclaiming your power to shape your dating life. It teaches you that no matter where you start, you have the ability to create the future you desire. By focusing on what is possible, rather than what is not, you open yourself up to a world of opportunities that were previously hidden from view. This approach not only enhances your dating and relationship experiences but also enriches your overall quality of life, enabling you to live with greater purpose, joy, and fulfillment.

So, I have homework for you. Get out a blank sheet of paper or a blank doc on your device and begin putting down all the wild possibilities for your dating life. Allow yourself to dream and imagine what could be possible for those meaningful connections you want to make that will lead to more fulfillment in your life. Look at this every day. Allow these possibilities to become your vision for your life.

Remember the Dating Made Easier community is here to help you make your possibilities more tangible through offering you coaching, resources to improve your dating skills, and a community of like minded people also make dating possibilities possible. 

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate

It's easy to fall into the trap of believing that past experiences dictate future outcomes, especially in the realm of dating. If you've faced disappointment, rejection, or heartbreak, you might think that the same patterns will repeat themselves. However, it's crucial to remember that your past doesn't create your future. Every new encounter is an opportunity for a fresh start, and the lessons learned from previous experiences can be invaluable in guiding you toward more fulfilling relationships.

While it's important to not let the past define you, reflecting on past experiences can provide significant insights. Understanding what didn't work, recognizing patterns, and identifying areas for personal growth are all steps that can help you change your dating approach. Instead of seeing past failures as a sign of inevitable future disappointments, view them as stepping stones towards becoming a better partner and finding a more compatible match.

One of the most critical shifts in transforming your dating life is developing a strong sense of self-worth. If you feel you haven’t done this previously in dating, you can begin to change that right now. Believing in your value as a partner is foundational to successful dating. When you understand and appreciate your own worth, you attract partners who respect and value you as well. This belief helps you set healthy boundaries and choose partners who are genuinely interested in a meaningful relationship, rather than settling for less than you deserve. It begins to create a future for yourself that is different from your past.

Having a clear intention and strategy for how you approach dating can make a significant difference. This means setting realistic goals, understanding what you're looking for in a partner, and deciding how you want to meet potential matches. Whether through online dating, social events, or mutual friends, having a plan helps you stay focused and proactive, rather than leaving your dating life to chance. It’s also a very intentional way to approach dating now in a way that is different from your past. For example if you were meeting the same kind of people who ultimately left you feeling unhappy, maybe you try new venues for meeting people.

Consistency is key in any endeavor, and dating is no exception. Taking regular, purposeful steps towards meeting new people and building connections increases your chances of finding the right partner. This might involve going on dates, joining social groups, or even working on self-improvement activities that make you a more attractive partner. The key is to keep moving forward, even when faced with setbacks and not let these setbacks define you.

If past dating strategies haven't worked, it's time to try something new. This could mean changing how you present yourself, being open to different types of people, or adjusting your expectations. Embracing change and being flexible in your approach can open up new possibilities and lead to more successful outcomes. It's about being willing to step out of your comfort zone and explore new ways of connecting with others.

Ultimately, transforming your dating life involves changing core beliefs about yourself and relationships. By adopting new beliefs—such as knowing you are worthy of love, believing that the right partner is out there, and understanding that past failures don’t dictate future outcomes—you set the stage for a more positive and successful dating experience. These new beliefs empower you to take control of your dating life, make better choices, and attract the kind of relationship you truly desire.

Having a support system can make a significant difference in your dating journey. Friends, family, or even professional dating coaches can provide encouragement, advice, and a fresh perspective. They can help you stay motivated, offer constructive feedback, and celebrate your progress. Support is crucial for maintaining a positive mindset and keeping you on track towards finding a fulfilling relationship.

Join our Dating Made Easier community for support, learning how to overcome past dating struggles, and connect with like minded people in their dating journey.

3, 2, 1 Dating Plan guide

Episode on doing the work of dating

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate

When I talk about “doing the work” in dating and relationships, what comes to mind? Swiping? Being on a lot of dating apps? Trying to date as many people as you can? I’m actually not referring to any of that when I talk about the work of dating.

For me, the work of dating is more about what’s happening to you socially and emotionally. Dating, putting yourself out there, taking risks can all do a number on your self esteem and confidence, particularly when you’re dating as someone who has been marginalized in the dating scene,

I think it’s human nature to resist looking at how to take care of ourselves in this way in dating because it’s not as fun or sexy as maybe getting on an app or fantasizing about finding your person. But when you do the hard work of learning to take care of yourself emotionally while dating, you get so much better results.

Today we’re looking at seven benefits of working on yourself while trying to date and looking at dating as a more social and emotional journey.

Understand Your Worth: In the journey of dating, it's essential to first understand and appreciate your worth. By doing the personal work, you develop a deep sense of self-esteem and self-worth, which is foundational for attracting and maintaining healthy relationships. When you know your value, you set boundaries and standards that ensure you are treated with the respect and kindness you deserve. This self-awareness not only boosts your confidence but also makes you more attractive to potential partners who are drawn to your self-assuredness and authenticity.

Clarify Your Desires: Personal work helps you get clear on what you truly want in a relationship. By taking the time to reflect on your past experiences, values, and goals, you can identify the qualities and characteristics you seek in a partner. This clarity allows you to focus your energy on finding someone who aligns with your desires, rather than settling for less. It also helps you communicate more effectively with potential partners, making it easier to find someone who is compatible with you.

Deeper Emotional Intelligence: Successful dating requires a high level of emotional intelligence, which involves understanding and managing your emotions as well as empathizing with others. Personal work helps you become more in tune with your feelings, enabling you to respond to dating situations in a thoughtful and constructive manner. This emotional maturity allows you to navigate the ups and downs of dating with grace and resilience, making it easier to build strong, lasting connections. 

Overcome Past Baggage: We all carry some form of emotional baggage from past relationships or experiences. Doing the personal work helps you consciously address and resolve these issues, freeing you from patterns that may sabotage your dating efforts. By confronting and healing from past wounds, you create a clean slate for new relationships. This process not only benefits your dating life but also contributes to your overall well-being and happiness. 

Enhance Communication Skills: Effective communication is key to any successful relationship. Personal work often involves practicing and improving your communication skills, such as active listening, expressing your needs, and setting boundaries. These skills are crucial in dating, as they help you build trust and understanding with potential partners. Being able to communicate clearly and confidently can prevent misunderstandings and foster a deeper connection.

Build a Growth Mindset: A growth mindset is the belief that you can develop and improve through effort and learning. Personal work encourages this mindset, which is particularly valuable in dating. It helps you approach dating challenges as opportunities for growth rather than setbacks. This perspective not only reduces the fear of rejection but also empowers you to take proactive steps in your dating life, such as trying new approaches or stepping out of your comfort zone.

Attract Quality Partners: When you invest in personal development, you naturally attract higher-quality partners who are also committed to growth and self-improvement. This is because like attracts like; when you are in a good place mentally and emotionally, you are more likely to meet others who are similarly well-rounded and ready for a healthy relationship. Personal work helps you become the best version of yourself, making you more attractive to the kind of partner you desire.

Maximize Your Investment in Dating: By doing the personal work, you get the most out of your investment in tools and resources like the Dating Made Easier membership. This membership offers valuable insights and strategies, but its effectiveness depends on your willingness to apply what you learn. In essence, the more you invest in yourself, the more you can gain from your dating journey.

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate

I say this because when I think back to my dating days and meeting my husband through a dating app back in 2007, it often feels like it could have been a lot longer than 17 years ago. This is because, as we know, our world in general is changing at lightning speed. Dating is no exception.

When I hear the members of my Dating Made Easier community talk about their dating journeys today and the complexities of all the options and different cultures of all the platforms, it feels very challenging.

Today we’re going to look at five challenges of modern dating. Believe me, there’s much more, but let’s look at five. And in my “everything can be figured out” approach, I’m offering a strategy to help you with each challenge.

In the digital age, the abundance of dating apps and websites presents a paradox: while options are plentiful, the sheer volume can be overwhelming. This information overload can make it difficult to focus on finding a genuine connection, leading to decision fatigue and a sense of frustration. To navigate this, it's essential to streamline your approach. Select a few trusted platforms that align with your values and preferences, and commit to them.

To effectively manage information overload, consider adopting a minimalist approach to dating apps. Choose a select few that resonate with your goals and use them strategically. Dedicate specific times of the day to check and respond to messages, avoiding the temptation to be constantly online. This approach not only reduces stress but also allows you to engage more meaningfully with potential matches. Additionally, make use of features like filters and preferences to narrow down your options, focusing on quality rather than quantity.

Modern dating often suffers from a lack of sincerity, with many not genuinely seeking a meaningful connection. This issue is compounded by the prevalence of ghosting, where one party abruptly ends communication without explanation. To counteract this, prioritize transparency in your interactions. Communicate your intentions clearly from the start, and seek out individuals who do the same. If you encounter ghosting, don't internalize it as a reflection of your worth. Instead, recognize it as a sign of the other person's lack of maturity or readiness for a serious relationship. Building resilience and maintaining a positive outlook can help you move forward with confidence.

Dealing with insincerity and ghosting can be emotionally taxing, but there are ways to protect yourself. One strategy is to prioritize building a connection based on shared values and interests rather than superficial attraction. This approach can help identify individuals who are genuinely interested in a meaningful relationship. If you experience ghosting, practice self-compassion and remind yourself that it's more a reflection of the other person's issues than your own. Surround yourself with supportive friends and engage in activities that boost your self-esteem and resilience.

Balancing a busy life with the demands of dating can be a significant challenge. Between work, social obligations, and personal interests, finding time to meet new people and cultivate a relationship can feel daunting. To address this, integrate dating into your existing routine. Opt for lunch dates or coffee meetups that fit into your workday. Use weekends to explore shared hobbies or interests with potential partners. Effective time management and prioritizing your dating life as you would any other important aspect of your life can help you find the time to invest in meaningful connections.

Balancing time constraints requires intentional planning and prioritization. Integrate dating activities into your existing schedule by choosing convenient meeting spots and times. For instance, lunch dates or coffee breaks can fit seamlessly into your workday. Use weekends or free time to participate in group activities or events where you can meet new people in a relaxed setting. By making dating a natural extension of your daily life, you can reduce the feeling of it being an additional burden and instead see it as an enjoyable and rewarding part of your routine

Past experiences and negative encounters can lead to trust issues, making it hard to open up and build new relationships. Trust issues can stem from past betrayals, dishonesty, or simply the fear of being hurt again. Overcoming this requires a conscious effort to heal and rebuild trust. Start by engaging in self-reflection and, if needed, seek professional support to address lingering fears and anxieties. When dating, take things slowly, allowing trust to develop naturally over time. Communicate openly with your partner about your concerns and work together to establish a foundation of honesty and reliability.

If trust issues are caused from past trauma, please consider seeking help from a mental health professional.

Unrealistic expectations, often fueled by romanticized portrayals of relationships in media, can hinder the dating process. These expectations can lead to disappointment and dissatisfaction when real-life relationships don't measure up. To manage this, adopt a more realistic and compassionate perspective. Understand that no one is perfect, and every relationship requires effort, compromise, and understanding. Focus on finding someone whose values, goals, and personality align with yours, rather than seeking perfection. Embracing the imperfections and complexities of real-life relationships can lead to deeper, more fulfilling connections.

To get a cheat sheet that provides you a summary of these challenges, along with the strategies, get our Dating Strategies guide. If you’re out there dating, I want to validate how challenging it can be these days to date, but also, totally figureoutable.

If you’re looking for guidance, resources and support to date more successfully and with better results, come join our community, Dating Made Easier. We meet online three times a month to give you a brush up on dating skills, brainstorm about your dating challenges, and network with others trying to find their person.

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate

Intertwining disability pride and vulnerability is an enriching journey that brings forth a unique perspective on love, belonging, and joy. Brene Brown, a renowned researcher on vulnerability, emphasizes that it is the source of hope and authenticity in her book, The Power of Vulnerability and in her fabulous Ted Talk. Brown maintains that vulnerability allows you to experience the full range of human emotions, which are essential for creating meaningful connections. For people with disabilities, embracing vulnerability can be particularly transformative, as it opens the door to self-acceptance and deeper relationships.

One of the most profound examples of vulnerability is love. Love requires you to expose your true self, with all your imperfections and insecurities, to another person. For people with disabilities, this can be both daunting and empowering. Embracing vulnerability in love means acknowledging and celebrating your disability as part of your identity. This act of self-acceptance not only strengthens you but also enriches the relationship, fostering a deeper bond based on authenticity and mutual respect.

Disability Pride plays a crucial role in this context. It is about recognizing and celebrating your disability as a vital part of your identity rather than something to be hidden or viewed as not normal. When combined with healthy vulnerability, Disability Pride empowers you to navigate the dating world with confidence and self-assurance. By being open about your disabilities, you can build more genuine and meaningful connections with your partners, who appreciate you for your true self.

Brene Brown's work on vulnerability underscores its importance in forming authentic connections. She asserts that vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but a courageous act of embracing your true self. For people with disabilities, this message is particularly meaningful . By allowing yourself to be vulnerable, you can break down societal barriers and challenge stereotypes, demonstrating that vulnerability is indeed a source of strength and resilience.

Vulnerability is inherent in disability. Living with a disability often means facing physical, emotional, and social challenges that require a great deal of courage and openness. Embracing this vulnerability can lead to profound personal growth and deeper connections with others. It allows you to share your experiences and emotions honestly, fostering empathy and understanding in your relationships. I would argue that when you can communicate your vulnerability, it puts others at ease and gives them more permission to express their vulnerability.

In the realm of dating, vulnerability becomes a powerful tool for connection. By being open about your disabilities and the challenges you face, you can create a space for genuine communication and mutual support. This level of openness can lead to more meaningful and fulfilling relationships, where both partners feel seen, heard, and valued for who they truly are.

Vulnerability, as Brene Brown emphasizes, is a strength. It is a way to connect with others on a deeper level, creating bonds that are rooted in authenticity and trust. For people with disabilities, embracing vulnerability means rejecting societal stigmas caused by ableism and allows you to embrace your true self. This courageous act can inspire others to do the same, fostering a culture of acceptance and inclusion.

Ultimately, intertwining Disability Pride and vulnerability in dating is about embracing your whole self and allowing others to see and love that authentic self. It is about finding strength in openness and building connections based on mutual respect and understanding. By embracing vulnerability, you can experience the love, belonging, and joy that Brene Brown speaks of, creating a more inclusive and compassionate world for all.

Just a reminder our Dating Made Easier membership gives you coaching, resources and a supportive community to allow vulnerability to be your strength in the dating journey.

The Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate

While I am a mental health counselor, I am very drawn to the practice of life coaching because it focuses so much on thought and behavior change. I believe any time we can use the power within us to change our circumstances or create more the life we want, that’s very empowering. One of the recommended practices in coaching is to spend regular time thinking about the person you want to become. This is particularly true in dating and relationships.

Spending time every day thinking about the partner you want to be is crucial for cultivating intentional and fulfilling relationships. Reflecting on the qualities and behaviors you aspire to embody helps you stay aligned with your values and goals. This daily practice allows you to be more present, considerate, and proactive in your relationships. By envisioning the partner you want to be, you can identify areas for personal growth and ensure that your actions consistently contribute to a healthy, loving, and supportive dynamic.

Integrating disability pride, as we talked about in the previous episode, into being the partner you want to be involves embracing your disability as a fundamental part of who you are and recognizing the unique strengths and perspectives it brings to your relationship. By doing so, you can foster a sense of confidence and authenticity that enhances your interactions with your partner. When you are proud of your disability, you model self-acceptance and resilience, which can inspire and uplift your partner as well.

One way to integrate disability pride into your partnership is by being open and honest about your experiences and needs. This transparency helps build trust and understanding between you and your partner. By sharing your journey and the lessons you’ve learned from living with a disability, you provide your partner with valuable insights into your world. This openness can deepen your connection and create a foundation of empathy and mutual respect.

Incorporating disability pride also means advocating for your needs and setting healthy boundaries within the relationship. By clearly communicating what you require to feel supported and respected, you demonstrate self-respect and assertiveness. This not only ensures that your needs are met but also encourages your partner to express their own needs and boundaries, fostering a balanced and respectful partnership. Airplane trip

Another aspect of being the partner you want to be involves celebrating the positive attributes and skills you’ve developed as a result of your disability. Whether it’s patience, creativity, problem-solving, or resilience, these qualities can greatly enhance your relationship. By recognizing and valuing these strengths, you can contribute positively to your partnership and inspire your partner to appreciate their own unique qualities.

Engaging in regular self-reflection and self-care is also essential for integrating disability pride into your role as a partner. Taking time to understand your emotions, challenges, and achievements helps you stay grounded and resilient. By prioritizing your well-being, you can show up as your best self in your relationship, providing support and love to your partner while also ensuring your own needs are met.

Additionally, participating in the disability community can further bolster your sense of pride and connection. Engaging with others who share similar experiences can provide a sense of solidarity and support, enriching your personal growth. This involvement can also offer valuable perspectives and resources that you can bring back to your relationship, enhancing your ability to be a compassionate and understanding partner. Scott’s comfort around others

Ultimately, integrating disability pride into being the partner you want to be means embracing your full self and celebrating the unique contributions you bring to your relationship. By practicing self-acceptance, advocating for your needs, and valuing your strengths, you can create a loving and supportive dynamic with your partner. This approach not only enhances your own well-being but also fosters a relationship built on mutual respect, empathy, and genuine connection.

Dating Made Easier is a monthly membership that provides coaching and resource in dating and relationships for people of all abilities, including those of you who are temporarily able bodied. We’ll help you foster pride in who you are and show up as the partner you want to be.

Resources

Free Download: Thoughts for Becoming the Partner You Long For guide

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate

In today's world, where social media plays a huge role in how we communicate, you may often encounter hurtful comments directed at you or others. These comments can be particularly painful when they attack aspects of your identity, such as your disability.

I recently got a taste of negative, hurtful comments when I ran an advertising campaign for some free resources my company, Radiant Abilities, offers on dating and relationships, particularly if you live with a disability. We ran an ad featuring a smiling, attractive woman with Down syndrome, offering our free dating profile guide.

The comments we got. Whoa. I was blown away by how people took the time to make mean, hurtful comments. I don’t like to give unkindness like that attention so I won’t go into what they were but I will highlight the meanest one which implied there is reason for eugenics.

My reaction to every single hurtful comment was, Boy, this person must be really unhappy with themselves to go to extent to spray pain into the world because of a difference in someone else.

When someone makes a hurtful comment, especially online, it can feel deeply personal. You might find yourself questioning your worth or feeling isolated. However, it's crucial to understand that these comments are frequently a reflection of the pain and insecurity of the person behind the screen. People who lash out often do so because they are grappling with their own issues and projecting their hurt onto others. This doesn't excuse their behavior, but it helps you see that their words are not a measure of your value.

The concept of "hurt people hurt people" is a powerful one. It means that those who inflict pain on others are often dealing with unresolved pain themselves. When someone attacks you, it's likely because they are struggling with their own sense of self-worth and acceptance. By understanding this, you can begin to detach from the negativity directed at you and see it for what it truly is: a reflection of their inner turmoil, not a true assessment of who you are.

At the core of much hurtful behavior is a lack of self-acceptance. When individuals are not at peace with themselves, they may lash out in an attempt to manage their own discomfort. This lack of self-acceptance can stem from many sources, including societal pressures, personal insecurities, or past traumas. Recognizing this can help you feel more compassionate towards those who hurt others, and more importantly, it can help you protect your own mental and emotional well-being.

When you embrace Disability Pride, you are making a powerful statement that you accept and celebrate yourself exactly as you are. This self-acceptance is a crucial step in shielding yourself from the negativity of others. By recognizing your worth and standing firm in your identity, you become more resilient to the harmful comments that may come your way. You know that your value is not diminished by the ignorance or pain of others.

It's important to recognize that Disability Pride is about embracing your identity with confidence and celebrating the unique experiences and strengths that come with it. When you encounter negativity, remember that these hurtful remarks often say more about the person making them than they do about you.

It's also helpful to remember that social media, while a powerful tool for connection, can also amplify negativity. People feel emboldened to say things online that they might never say in person. This environment can create a false sense of reality where the loudest, most negative voices seem to dominate. By stepping back and gaining perspective, you can remind yourself that these comments are not a true reflection of the world or your place in it.

Building a supportive community is another vital step in maintaining your mental and emotional health. Surround yourself with people who understand and respect your experiences, and who will lift you up rather than tear you down. This community can provide a buffer against the negativity you might encounter and remind you of your inherent worth and dignity. Together, you can celebrate your achievements and support each other through challenges.

Ultimately, your journey towards self-acceptance and Disability Pride is a deeply personal one. While hurtful comments can sting, they do not define you. By recognizing that such negativity often stems from the pain and insecurity of others, you can maintain your sense of self-worth and continue to advocate for acceptance and pride in your identity. You are deserving of respect, and no comment, no matter how hurtful, can take that away from you.

Join Dating Made Easier to be part of a supportive community that will embrace who you are and foster your pride on your dating journey to success and happiness.

Resources

Rejection Survival Guide

How to Write a Kick Butt Dating Profile

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate