Marking episode 250 with a look back at why this show exists and what it's covered since October 2021. Kathy founded the show to be a comprehensive resource helping people with disabilities navigate dating with confidence. Her approach blends her professional background as a mental health counselor with her own experience dating for years with a visible disability before finding a long-term partner of nearly 20 years.

Dating is a learnable skill set, not luck or magic — built on communication, problem-solving, and self-knowledge, for disabled and non-disabled daters alike.

Use the podcast page to search for episodes on these topics.

Over 250 episodes, Kathy has brought in a wide range of voices:

Listeners can email Kathy to request an episode on a disability or topic not yet covered.

Five Stages of Dating Success curriculum for professionals in the disability field

A survey for feedback on an upcoming playbook covering all 5 stages (skills, milestones, and  items. And share it with anyone in your life who might have a story to tell! 💙

Check out coaching in dating and relationships with me to get the support and relationships you want.

Take our Dating Success quiz.

Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate

The Friendship series has kicked off to examine what is similar and different when a disability is present - and how friendship development is a lot like dating - they both involve vulnerability, taking risks, and acceptance.

Kathy O'Connell and Nancy met at 18 as freshmen at Le Moyne College in Syracuse. Nancy first noticed Kathy when a professor seemed impatient with her during class — likely because of Kathy's disability — and introduced herself afterward to say so. Kathy had no idea it had even happened. That moment bonded them, and nearly 40 years later they're still close friends.

Nancy never found the friendship difficult or different in any meaningful way. She simply saw Kathy as a funny, trustworthy person and treated her accordingly. The one hard moment she witnessed was a stranger at a bar assuming Kathy was drunk because of her speech and movement — something Nancy found genuinely upsetting to watch.

The one real communication challenge: when Kathy gets emotional, she speaks faster and becomes harder to understand. The clearest example was the day Kathy called to share that her son Jaden's adoption had been approved — Nancy, in the middle of a store, misread the tearful, fast-paced call as bad news and nearly dispatched her husband to flee to Canada with the child.

Nancy's view is simple: friendship is the foundation of any relationship, and disability doesn't change that equation. Her advice to people afraid of rejection — disabled or not — is to start small (coffee, a walk, a note), stay honest, and keep trying. As one of her students once said: "You might be the juiciest peach ever picked, but some people just don't like peaches."

Belly laughs. Shared humor. Total trust. Neither woman sees their friendship as different from any other deep friendship — just two people, both the youngest child and only girl in their families, who found in each other the sister they never had.

Five Stages of Dating Success curriculum for professionals in the disability field

A survey for feedback on an upcoming playbook covering all 5 stages (skills, milestones, and action items)

And share it with anyone in your life who might have a story to tell! 💙

Check out coaching in dating and relationships with me to get the support and relationships you want.

Take our Dating Success quiz.

Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate

Stage 4 (Active Dating) of her "5 Stages to Dating Success" framework. It's a tactical, mini-workshop style episode pulling content from her curriculum aimed at professionals in the disability field.

Kathy mentions show notes links for:

Five Stages of Dating Success curriculum for professionals in the disability field

A survey for feedback on an upcoming playbook covering all 5 stages (skills, milestones, and action items)

And share it with anyone in your life who might have a story to tell! 💙

Check out coaching in dating and relationships with me to get the support and relationships you want.

Take our Dating Success quiz.

Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate

Kathy O'Connell shares that she's working on a new book about dating and relationships with a disability — a follow-up to her earlier book Firewalk: Embracing Different Abilities.

The book focuses on two key themes:

Why she needs YOUR help:

The heart of the book will be real stories from real people. Kathy is collecting experiences through a short survey — whether you've lived with a disability and experienced sexual ableism in dating, or witnessed it happen to someone you love. The survey has three main questions, and you can optionally leave contact info if you're open to a follow-up interview.

"Data and statistics don't change people's minds. Our stories do — because they are real, human, and powerful."

📋 Please take a few minutes to fill out the survey — your story could be in the book and help shift how the world thinks about love, disability, and who deserves connection.

👉 Take the Survey Here

And share it with anyone in your life who might have a story to tell! 💙

Check out coaching in dating and relationships with me to get the support and relationships you want.

Take our Dating Success quiz.

Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate

Pauline Bosma is the founder and coordinator of the Rainbow Support Groups, a network of support groups for LGBTQ+ people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. Pauline works for Massachusetts Advocates Standing Strong, where she also leads sex education webinars and trains people with disabilities to respond to and report abuse.

Oscar Hughes is a PhD student in special education at Boston University. He collaborates with LGBTQ+ adults with intellectual and/or developmental disabilities to create resources that support gender and sexual expression. He also works as the assistant to the Rainbow Support Groups and as a sexuality education trainer for Elevatus Training.

We chat about the following:

What is your background or personal experience in the area of dating, relationships, and disabilities?

Resources

The Rainbow Support Group

Rainbow Support Group Guidebook

Contact Pauline and Oscar here

Check out coaching in dating and relationships with me to get the support and relationships you want.

Take our Dating Success quiz.

Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate

How to Write a Kick Butt Dating Profile Guide

Tell me what you want in a dating playbook.

The Five Stage Dating Success Framework is designed to guide people with disabilities through the process of finding meaningful relationships. Stage 1 covers foundation work and self-discovery. Stage 2 builds confidence and resilience, including the ability to handle rejection. Stage 4 is active dating, and Stage 5 focuses on navigating relationships. But Stage 3 — the strategic planning phase — is the essential bridge between inner work and real-world action.

The core idea is simple: if you plan ahead, you can be more present. When logistics are handled before the date, your energy is freed up to actually connect with someone rather than worrying about accessibility, communication, or safety in the moment.

The first step is deciding how you're going to date — online, in person, or a combination — and then researching your options thoroughly. If you're using dating apps, assess how accessible and easy to use they are. Look beyond functionality too: does the community culture reflect inclusion and a welcome of diversity? If you're meeting people in person through groups, events, or regular activities, ask the same questions about those spaces.

One of the most complex parts of dating with a disability is knowing when and how to disclose. Kathy recommends a three-tiered approach. The first tier is what you share in your profile or early messages. The second is how you communicate your access and support needs before meeting someone in person. The third is how you navigate deeper, more personal conversations about your disability once a relationship begins to develop. Having this strategy mapped out in advance removes a huge source of anxiety and lets you move through early dating with more confidence.

Safety planning goes beyond the standard advice of meeting in public places. For people with disabilities, there are additional layers to consider — backup communication methods if your primary one fails, whether a personal care attendant may need to be present or nearby, and having trusted people who know where you are and who you're meeting. Building this protocol before you start dating means it becomes a natural part of your routine rather than a stressful afterthought.

Dating costs money, and for people managing fixed or limited incomes, that's a real barrier. This skill is about getting creative and realistic. Look at what you can genuinely afford to spend on dates each month, then research free or low-cost accessible options in your area — parks, free community events, coffee shops — that still offer a comfortable and safe environment. Budgeting also means accounting for any disability-related costs, such as transportation or accommodation needs, that others might not factor in.

Building a personal database of accessible venues in your area is one of the most practical things you can do before you start dating. Knowing in advance which restaurants, parks, and venues work for your needs means you're never scrambling on the fly or feeling anxious about an unfamiliar environment. The more options you have, the more flexibility and confidence you bring into every date.

Your dating profile is often the first impression you make, and it should genuinely reflect who you are. This includes thoughtfully integrating your disability into your profile if you choose to. The goal isn't to lead with your diagnosis, but to present an honest, complete picture of yourself that attracts people who are truly compatible. Kathy notes this is one of the areas she's written about most extensively, and she links a dedicated guide in her show notes.

Reaching Stage 4 — active dating — isn't about perfection. The stages in this framework are fluid, not rigid. But there are clear indicators you're ready: you've selected platforms that feel accessible and culturally comfortable, you have a clear disclosure strategy across all three tiers, a safety protocol is in place, you've set a realistic dating budget, you have a working list of accessible venues, and you've created a profile that honestly represents who you are.

Start by researching your dating platforms or in-person opportunities and evaluating them for accessibility and community culture. Then draft your disclosure strategy using the three-tier model. Map out what your safety protocol will look like, including any disability-specific needs. Set a monthly dating budget and begin identifying free or low-cost accessible venues in your area. Each of these steps can be taken independently and built on over time — and completing them means that when you do start dating, you're showing up prepared, grounded, and ready to connect.

Check out coaching in dating and relationships with me to get the support and relationships you want.

Take our Dating Success quiz.

Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate

This is a strategy that can apply to nearly everything in life, not just dating. But of course, we’re going to talk about it as it relates to dating.

When you’re overwhelmed and maybe unsure what the answer is to a dilemma, many times you don’t need to wait, search, or find an answer. Often you just need to make a decision.

Have you ever heard of the “miserable maybes”? It’s when you’re stuck in the loop of waiting for the right possibility to drop. The problem is there are various possibilities and you begin thinking, “Well, maybe if this happens, I will…” Then a short time later, you think of another possibility and you say, “No, maybe I should do…” You’re in the miserable maybes of possibilities and it doesn’t feel good. 

It feels different from having possibilities you can consciously choose from, say having two people who want to date you and picking the one you like better.

Miserable maybes happen when you’re not choosing any option and waiting to see what happens but agonizing over it in the meantime.

Make. A. Decision.

You’ll feel much better. So how does this look in the dating world?  You can make decisions like this:

Deciding puts us into action, which is a really good place to be when we’re dating. Making a decision also forces us to have boundaries about a situation and stop living in waiting for a magic solution. Even if you decide and it turns out to be the wrong decision, you probably learn something that will help you in the future.

So, my friend, what is one thing in your personal dating journey that would help you to make a decision on? Often counselors like myself tell our clients the answer is within them and that’s because it is. It just needs you to make a decision for it to appear.

Check out coaching in dating and relationships with me to get the support and relationships you want.

Take our Dating Success quiz.

Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate

 Getting back into dating after time away — especially when navigating life with a disability — takes genuine courage. You made yourself vulnerable, put yourself out there, and someone said no. That moment can feel enormous, like a verdict on your worth or your lovability. But here's the truth: one person declining a coffee date or not even replying is simply one data point. It is not a pattern, not a prediction, and absolutely not a reflection of your value as a person or a partner.

Think about all the reasons someone might decline that have nothing to do with you — healing from a breakup, overwhelmed at work, a family situation, or simply not in a headspace for dating. Different life timelines, communication styles, or geography can all make someone unavailable, and none of that is a commentary on who you are. Rejection is almost always far more about the other person's circumstances than your worth.

Resilience is built exactly here — in the moment after a "no," when you decide what story you tell yourself. Learning to ask "What's actually true here?" rather than "What does this mean about me?" is a skill that gets stronger with practice. One "no" is just one chapter of one sentence in a much longer story that hasn't been written yet.

Download this guide to help with your thoughts on rejection.

There's something worth acknowledging in the fact that you asked at all. Many people never get that far — anxiety and fear keep them frozen before they even try. You didn't freeze. Every time you extend an invitation and survive the answer, you prove to yourself that you can handle dating's uncertainty. That proof builds the durable confidence that comes from showing up repeatedly, not the fragile kind that only holds when people say yes.

Not every person will be the right match — that's true for everyone, with or without a disability. Two people can both be wonderful and still simply not be right for each other. A "no" — or even many — redirects you toward someone who actually is a match. Protecting your energy for people who genuinely want to show up for you isn't settling; it's knowing your worth.

So feel the sting — that's human. But then come back to this: one person said no. One. The world of people who haven't answered yet is still wide open. Your worth is not up for a vote, and it certainly isn't determined by a single response to a coffee invitation. Get back out there — not because it will always be easy, but because you are worth the effort of trying again.

Check out coaching in dating and relationships with me to get the support and relationships you want.

Take our Dating Success quiz.

Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate

Register here for the TODAY's free workshop, The Real Work of Dating with Disability: What No One Else Is Teaching. I'll be reviewing how to use a skill set approach to dating with a disability. The workshop will be geared toward  professionals but anyone is welcome to join.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and few things stir up our emotional world quite like dating. Rejection, vulnerability, self-doubt — dating touches some of our deepest places. But here's what can genuinely change how you experience it: your thoughts.

Download this guide to help with your thoughts on dating.

It's not the bad dates, the unanswered texts, or the awkward silences that make you feel bad. It's what you think about those moments. And when that really sinks in, it's a game changer — because it means you have far more control over how you feel than you might realize.

It helps to understand the difference between thoughts and beliefs. Thoughts are like the weather — always moving, easy to redirect once you notice them. Beliefs are more like the climate — deeply rooted and harder to shift. Because thoughts are so flexible, they're the perfect starting point for real change, right now, today.

Here's something worth sitting with: everything you've ever created in your life started as a thought first. Before the relationship, the date, even that first message — there was a thought. The quality of your inner dialogue matters more than you think.

A simple framework makes this concrete: Circumstance → Thought → Feeling → Action → Result. Something happens, you form an opinion about it, that creates a feeling, which drives your actions, which produce a result. The circumstance is neutral. Your thought sets everything in motion.

Take someone who's single and has a disability. If their automatic thought is "nobody will want me," they feel defeated, pull back, and stay stuck. The circumstance didn't create that — the thought did.

Flip the script: same person, same circumstance, but they choose the thought "I have so much to offer." Suddenly they feel confident, show up differently, and dating starts to feel full of possibility. Nothing outside changed. Just the thought.

One last trick: reverse engineer the process. Start with the result you want, then ask what thought would need to be true to get there. And whenever you catch yourself spiraling, pause and ask: "Is this thought actually getting me the feeling and result I want?"

If the answer is no — that's your invitation to choose again.

Download this guide to help with your thoughts on dating.

Register here for the upcoming free workshop on May 12, The Real Work of Dating with Disability: What No One Else Is Teaching. I'll be reviewing how to use a skill set approach to dating with a disability. The workshop will be geared toward  professionals but anyone is welcome to join.

Steve and Julie Wagstaff are the married founders of SwagAbility, a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping people navigate life after sudden, life-altering circumstances — primarily health-related. Steve became a C5 quadriplegic at 19 after diving into a river and striking a sandbar. Julie, who had a crush on Steve before his accident (while he was dating her best friend), began dating him afterward, and the two married after a three-year relationship. They have been married 26 years.

SwagAbility — a blend of "Steven Wagstaff" and Steve's old nickname "Swag" — was born during a seven-month hospital stay when Steve confronted his own mortality and asked what lasting legacy he could leave. The mission: walk alongside people whose lives were suddenly turned upside down, showing them that thriving is still possible. They run three podcasts — Interrupted by Adversity, The SwagAbility Show (covering health, assistive technology, and caregiver burnout), and Spiritually Starved, a daily Bible-based show.

Steve initially wrote off romance entirely, seeing himself as no longer the strong, athletic man he once was. A phone call from a friend revealed that Julie's visits weren't out of pity — she genuinely liked him. That revelation shifted everything. Over three years of dating, Steve learned that manhood wasn't about physical ability but about what he carried in his heart and mind. Julie never saw the wheelchair as an obstacle; she saw the person.

The couple pushes back hard against common assumptions: that people in wheelchairs can't speak for themselves, that disability equals inability, and that partners of disabled people deserve a "hero" label. Their core message — disability doesn't mean inability — extends to intimacy, joy, and purpose. They emphasize creativity, humor, and radical honesty as the foundations of their relationship.

Steve urges people to reject the lie that they are now broken or inferior. Julie adds: don't hide, stay visible, and remember you were born with innate worth and the capacity to love and be loved. Both stress the critical importance of a strong support system — and invite anyone struggling to reach SwagAbility at [email protected] or 506-375-4418.

The Five Stages of Dating Success curriculum is now available at the introductory price of $97 (you save $78). Get it here.

Check out coaching in dating and relationships with me to get the support and relationships you want.