Dating, Relationships, and Disability

I recently pivoted my work in dating and relationships and began a new company, Relatability LLC. Our mission is simple but transformative: we believe love is for everyone, and we're dedicated to making relationships accessible for people with disabilities. We work at every level of the disability services ecosystem—training professionals, developing curriculums, and providing one-on-one coaching for individuals ready to pursue meaningful romantic relationships.

Our professional training programs create significant ripple effects. If you work in disability services, you know that dating and relationships are often the least addressed aspect of the lives you serve, yet it's one of the areas they care about most. Our training equips you with knowledge, sensitivity, and practical tools to support individuals in navigating romantic relationships, including our Five Stages of Dating Success framework you can implement immediately.

When professionals receive the right training, they create environments where people with disabilities feel empowered to pursue relationships with confidence and dignity. That transformation starts with investing in the people who do this vital work every day.

Our curriculum development includes our Empowering Relationships Curriculum and Five Stages of Dating Success, which will be published in a few months. These comprehensive, structured programs allow organizations to provide consistent, high-quality relationship education. They focus on building genuine self-worth that includes one's disability, increasing confidence in dating and relationships, and developing essential skills—deep dives into the mindsets and strategies that lead to healthy, fulfilling relationships.

I offer personalized one-on-one coaching for individuals ready to take action in their dating lives. We address specific challenges, fears, and goals each person brings. Whether you're just starting to think about dating, getting back into it, or working through obstacles, coaching provides accountability, guidance, and practical strategies to move forward with confidence.

Together, professional training, curriculum development, and individual coaching create a comprehensive ecosystem. Professionals facilitate conversations and create supportive environments. Organizations implement curriculums that normalize relationship education. Individuals receive personalized coaching to apply these principles. That's how we're making love accessible—through sustained, multi-level support that creates lasting change. Visit relatabilityllc.com to learn more.

Take our dating quiz or give it to someone you support.

Dr. Robin Buckley, a clinical psychologist turned executive coach,  specializes in helping female executives apply business strategies to their personal relationships.

Dr. Buckley addresses how people—especially those who've been divorced or experienced relationship failures—often believe they're "not the relationship type." She explains this self-defeating thinking comes from the amygdala (fear center) and recommends challenging these thoughts with evidence to engage the prefrontal cortex (logical brain).

A key strategy Dr. Buckley recommends is creating a personal mission statement. She encourages clients to research how companies craft mission statements, then apply that structure to identify their own values, purpose, and unique traits. Her personal example centers on kindness as her highest value—a non-negotiable in all her relationships. The guide to writing a Kick Butt Dating Profile can help with this.

When discussing women with disabilities in dating, Dr. Buckley emphasizes separating disability from identity. She encourages focusing on what challenges have created in one's personality—resilience, humor, perseverance—rather than leading with the disability itself. Authenticity and acknowledging "the elephant in the room" with humor can help move past surface-level judgments.

Dr. Buckley addresses how people with disabilities are often not seen as sexual beings. Her advice: know your own body first through self-exploration, then clearly communicate preferences to partners. A good partner will be willing to learn and be guided.

Put yourself out there despite vulnerability. Exposure is how others learn to understand and connect. While the burden often falls on those with disabilities to educate others, they hold the power to create change.

Contact: drrobinbuckley.com and various social media platforms @drrobinbuckley.

Dating isn't magic—it's a skill set. If you have a disability and feel dating is complicated or terrifying, know this: it can be learned with time, guidance, and resilience. I've dedicated my practice to helping people with disabilities transform their dating lives. If you're ready to stop feeling stuck, keep listening.

Dating is hard. You'll face rejection. But every "no" gets you closer to the right person. Every disappointment is data on your journey. You shouldn't do this alone. If you live with a disability, you've already built resilience in ways others haven't. That's a superpower. Together, we'll harness it.

I use the Five Stages to Dating Success. A quiz identifies where you are, then we get clear on what skills help you level up. I give you specific activities that build those skills. This is where the real work begins.

One fun part is creating twenty-five Worthy Fails for thirty days. A Worthy Fail is a deliberate attempt at something challenging, knowing it might not be perfect—and that's okay. Strike up a conversation. Practice boundaries. Send that message. These are experiments that build competence and confidence.

I work with three-session packages because one session isn't enough. Each is thirty minutes focused on what you do next. Between sessions, you take action. Real transformation happens through action. All sessions are virtual on Zoom. I also offer low-cost sessions for people on Social Security. You pay one at a time with proof of benefits.

You'll gain increased self-esteem that spills into all areas of your life. You'll have a concrete dating plan. You'll feel secure bringing your disability into dating, knowing it adds to your value. You'll develop healthy boundaries and a clear vision of the partner you want. And you'll know you have the resilience to keep going—with someone in your corner believing in you.

Take the Dating Success Quiz. Reach out. I'm taking on a limited number of clients. Maybe you need a three-session package or low-cost sessions. Either way, let's talk. You deserve a partner. You deserve a healthy relationship. You deserve to know you have what it takes.

Joni Woods is the author of "Burned, Blocked, and Better Than Ever," a book about her divorce experience and re-entry into dating. She wrote the book while going through her divorce in 2016 after 15 years of marriage, exploring both the pain of separation and the unexpected joy of dating again at age 36. She is also a mother of two.

Joni stayed in an unhealthy marriage for years, spending 8 of 15 years in marriage counseling. The turning point came during a therapy session when her ex-husband claimed 100% of their problems were her fault. Even after years of therapy, he believed she hadn't changed or done the work. This moment made Joni realize the relationship would never improve, and she decided to leave.

A key concept in her book is "performing peace"—constantly putting aside her own needs to maintain household harmony. Despite being a stay-at-home mom, her love language was words of affirmation, yet her husband refused to acknowledge her efforts, believing she was simply doing what was expected. This pattern of self-sacrifice left her emotionally unfulfilled.

Joni discovered radical self-awareness by rejecting external expectations. Having spent her life as a pastor's wife adhering to church standards, she realized she didn't have to conform to others' definitions of who she should be. A missions trip incident—where she was criticized for showing kindness to a struggling team member—sparked her decision to live authentically rather than by imposed rules.

Re-entering the dating world through apps shocked Joni with people's candor and requests. However, she also found many hurting individuals using dating to cover unresolved pain. Dating taught her she had an "inner tigress"—confidence and empowerment she'd suppressed for years. She grew comfortable being single and not needing relationships, which paradoxically made her more confident in dating.

Joni observes that people staying too long in unhealthy relationships often jump into rebound relationships without processing their pain. The critical first step toward change is self-reflection and accountability—understanding the role you played, not from guilt, but to prevent repeating patterns. She emphasizes that rejection isn't personal; it reflects the other person's limitations, not your worth.

For readers with disabilities facing rejection fears, Joni advises embracing self-love first and recognizing that rejection is about another person's capacity, not your value. She encourages people to define themselves on their own terms and love all parts of themselves.

Relationships and dating should be fun and life-giving. If you're miserable and not enjoying your relationship, it's worth reconsidering. Connection should bring joy, not drain your energy.

Joni's website and book information

Connect with Joni on Instagram

Dating with a disability feels impossible until you take action. The impossible becomes possible through perspective shift and meaningful action.

A worthy failure is an intentional attempt where you take a calculated risk and learn from the outcome. Rejection, awkward conversations, and unsuccessful dates aren't signs you're not good enough—they're data. From a growth mindset, every experience builds confidence and self-understanding.

Rejection stings harder with a disability because we wonder if it's disability-specific. But rejection doesn't mean you're unlovable. It might mean incompatibility, timing, or needing a different approach. The key shift: see failure as a catalyst for growth, not something to avoid.

Intentional action means consciously deciding to risk and learn. Update your dating profile authentically, reach out to people, attend social events, have vulnerable conversations. Each action builds evidence that contradicts limiting beliefs about your worth.

Set a goal for 25 worthy dating attempts per quarter. This removes pressure and shifts focus from outcome to process. Research shows this yields better results because people are more relaxed and authentic.

Beyond finding a relationship, intentional dating builds confidence, self-awareness, and sexual power. For people with disabilities, reclaiming desirability directly counters cultural desexualization. Every time you show up authentically, you reclaim your power.

Get clear on what you actually want, not what you think you should want. Embrace discomfort in reaching out. Invest energy strategically in dating apps and communities that matter. Plan how you'll handle rejection ahead of time—don't react from hurt; follow through on growth.

Your impossible goal—finding a partner, going on dates without catastrophizing, being honest about your disability, building a healthy relationship—sits on a pile of worthy failures. You have more power than you've been told. Take those first 25 steps.

If you're listening around the time this publishes, it's the holiday season—and if you're single, loneliness may be hitting hard.

You're not alone. I recently asked single people with disabilities about their holiday feelings. Their responses: wondering why they're still single, missing loved ones, wanting someone to cuddle by the fire with. I remember feeling that same loneliness for years, watching family and friends build their own families.

These feelings are human and understandable. This episode explores how to cope with them—and how to use them to your advantage.

Acknowledge How You Feel

When loneliness and longing strike, simply acknowledging them can help enormously. You might resist: "Why admit sadness about being alone?" But facing your feelings creates emotional release. You stop pretending they don't exist, stop pushing them down.

Remember: an emotion is part of you, not all of you. Don't fear being overwhelmed—most emotions, when fully felt, last only about 90 seconds. And don't judge yourself for having them. Be gentle with yourself. Self-judgment on top of hard emotions only makes things worse.

Use How You Feel for Fuel

Looking back at my single years, I did something crucial: I used my loneliness to motivate myself to keep taking risks, keep dating, keep trying to meet someone.

I wanted that vision—waking up with my own family, cuddling by the fire. (Reality check: my husband and I barely use our fireplace because it's so much work.)

How can you take your struggle this season and channel it toward your own vision? Let that longing propel you forward.

Anil Gupta, known as the Love Doctor, has spoken in 18 countries across 4 continents, sharing practical relationship tools. He emphasizes that awareness is the foundation of everything in relationships and personal growth.

When choosing a partner, Anil identifies three essential qualities to look for: integrity (being truthful and reliable), being genuinely loving toward others, and being healthy emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, and financially. These qualities matter regardless of whether someone has a disability.

For people with disabilities, being upfront about their situation is crucial. Hiding aspects of yourself creates problems, but when you're honest, potential partners can make informed choices. The issue isn't the disability itself—it's the lack of awareness and communication.

Instead of trying to remove negativity, focus on being the light. Write down 50 things you're grateful for, list your accomplishments, and recognize your positive qualities. What you focus on expands—focus on what you have left, not what you've lost.

Anil shares his formula: Happiness equals Give times Gratitude times Grow. When feeling low, identify which G has dropped and work on raising it. He demonstrated this after breaking his wrist, going from a happiness score of 729 to 1, then rebuilding to 125 by practicing gratitude, thanking helpers, and choosing growth over self-criticism.

Go where your ideal partner would naturally be—meetups, associations, charity events, churches, or groups where like-minded people gather who would understand and appreciate you.

"Be so amazing that you cannot be ignored." Show up as your best self, bringing joy, playfulness, and authenticity. Either you bring energy to a room or take it away—choose to be the person who lights up the space.

Connect with Anil

While we often focus on red flags in dating, green flags are equally vital—the positive indicators of respect, compatibility, and emotional maturity that signal someone might be a genuinely good match. These are the qualities that make you feel seen, valued, and excited about building something meaningful.

A fundamental green flag is someone who listens, asks thoughtful questions, and remembers details about your life. They communicate clearly about intentions and feelings without playing games. For those with disabilities, this means asking appropriate questions and treating you as the expert on your own experience.

Look for someone who can discuss feelings, take responsibility, and apologize genuinely. They handle conflict constructively and respond to your needs with empathy rather than defensiveness or unsolicited fixes.

A good partner respects your "no," celebrates your "yes," and never pressures you to move faster than comfortable. They understand ongoing consent and respect boundaries around mobility aids, personal care, and autonomy.

Watch for genuine curiosity about your work, passions, goals, and interests. They encourage your independence and see you as a complete, complex person with a rich life—not just someone who revolves around them.

Actions should match stated values. Do they show up as promised? Do their behaviors align with what they claim to believe? Consistency over time reveals character and builds trust.

Reflect on past relationships when you felt most valued. What qualities did those people possess? Align green flags with your values and non-negotiables.

Beyond checklists, pay attention to how you feel. Do you feel safe, energized, and able to be yourself? Your green flags should help you recognize connections with real potential for lasting happiness.

Kalindi Jordan is a sex and intimacy coach with 16 years of experience, specializing in helping people develop primary relationships with themselves before entering partnerships. Her work covers sexual intimacy, relationship dynamics, communication, and dating challenges.

Five years ago, Kalindi lost all her hair—including eyebrows and eyelashes—within 10 days due to alopecia. Initially, she feared her partner wouldn't find her attractive, worried clients wouldn't work with her, and questioned if friends would be embarrassed to be seen with her. This challenged her entire professional foundation built on body confidence work.

After three weeks of negative self-talk, Kalindi sat before a mirror daily for at least 30 minutes. She allowed every part of herself to have a voice, letting all feelings emerge. This process became a journey of reconciliation between sadness, pain, and loss—maintaining a relationship with grief rather than resisting it.

Kalindi discovered that beauty isn't what we see but what we feel. When disconnected from her body through negative thoughts, she stopped feeling beautiful. The key insight: beauty arises from deeply feeling sensations in our bodies, not from visual appearance. Her partner's attraction evolved to emphasize personality, energy, and character over physical appearance alone.

For those struggling with body image or disability, Kalindi recommends:

For dating, focus on the feeling and flavor of connection you seek, not on finding the "right" person. Attraction works mutually—focus on what you want to experience in relationship rather than what another person should be like.

Connect with Kalindi.

Barb is a boundaries coach, speaker, podcaster, and author who hit a "codependent bottom" at age 52 in 2015. After decades of self-help and therapy, she entered 12-step recovery and discovered that learning to build healthy boundaries was the antidote to her codependency. She's now in her first healthy romantic relationship (7 years), which she attributes to both partners having healthy boundaries.

A codependent person is typically fixated on other people and situations—constantly asking "what does everybody else need?"—while ignoring their own needs. Barb didn't know who she was, where she ended and others began, or what her own preferences were. She acted like a chameleon, which proved unsustainable and prevented authentic connections.

The core shift is caring more about what you think of yourself than what others think of you. Barb emphasizes living with integrity—being honest even when it's uncomfortable. For people with disabilities facing devaluation, she stresses: people who judge you aren't your people. Start by setting boundaries with yourself first (like not reading triggering messages), then practice with easygoing people before tackling difficult relationships.

Common feelings when setting boundaries include guilt, shame, and fear of abandonment. People feel guilty for putting themselves first, believing it's selfish. The reality: some people will abandon you when you set boundaries, but most won't. Being judged for your authentic self is easier to live with than being judged for a fake version.

Create red light/yellow light/green light lists of behaviors you'll tolerate. Don't wait too long to meet someone in person—you'll build unrealistic expectations. Most importantly: address issues immediately when they arise. Deal with problems when they're "buds, not full-blown trees" to assess how someone handles conflict.

For a free 30 minute Unshakable You call to learn about my private coaching and to see if we're a good fit. 

Podcast: Fragmented to Whole Life Lessons from 12-Step Recovery