Dating, Relationships, and Disability

Russell Van Brocklen discovered his dyslexia in third grade and later audited law school classes despite having first-grade reading/writing levels. After successfully improving his skills, he developed programs to help dyslexic students, including one funded by New York State Senate that helped high schoolers jump 6-8 grade levels in writing within a year.

Russell teaches a research-based approach adapted from "The Craft of Research" to overcome dating fears. The method involves:

1) Establishing context (e.g., "dyslexic person in mid-twenties afraid of rejection")

2) Simplifying to core problem

3) Identifying universal themes (like "fear" or "rejection")

4) Flipping negatives to positives and leveraging dyslexic strengths like intelligence and communication skills.

For reading dating profiles: Speechify app, which offers premium voices that sound more natural than the free robotic version. For writing messages: ChatGPT Pro with specific prompts for warm, empathetic, and positive tone - Russell recommends using the advanced voice feature to dictate and refine messages through conversation. Alternative: seek advice from trusted friends in successful relationships, preferably meeting at public venues.

Wait until after the third date to mention dyslexia. Most people won't notice initially. Let natural conversation reveal it rather than making formal announcements. Russell suggests gradually stopping use of assistive technologies so partners naturally pick up on differences.

Partners should understand dyslexics think rapidly and scatter-brained, like "absent-minded professors." Key advice: let dyslexic partners express ideas freely without immediate organization, then help structure thoughts afterward. Dyslexics should identify their weaknesses and see if partners can shoulder those responsibilities while dyslexics handle their strengths.

dyslexiaclasses.com

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When you have a disability, society often categorizes you as the "inspiring" or "sweet" friend rather than a romantic prospect. The key is determining whether lack of romantic interest stems from genuine incompatibility or societal conditioning.

Look for signs of romantic potential: one-on-one time that feels different, meaningful physical touch, sharing personal details, interest in your dating life, and remembering important details. However, these could also indicate strong friendship.

Approach from confidence, not desperation. Don't think "I hope they'll give me a chance despite my disability." Instead, think "I'm offering something valuable - are they interested?" Your disability doesn't make you less worthy of love.

If you suspect your disability influences their perception, show them your confident, romantic side. Let them see you as someone with desires and relationship potential, not just a friend.

Choose the right moment, be clear about intentions, acknowledge the friendship's value, give them processing time, and address potential concerns directly.

Whether they're interested, need time, or aren't interested - respond with grace. Real friends won't disappear because you expressed honest feelings. Your confidence in handling any response often strengthens the relationship regardless of romantic outcome.

Stop waiting for them to see you differently. Show them your romantic side, have the conversation, and remember: you're offering partnership, not asking for charity.

Link to previous episode of More Than A Friend.

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Register here for the Loving Our Bodies Workshop.

In just 2.5 years, Dateability has grown from 10,000 to 35,000 members. The platform is now launching an updated app to further support its mission of making dating accessible and inclusive for people with disabilities and chronic illnesses.

The app integrates specific accessibility features tailored for different disabilities, ensuring that users can engage in meaningful and equitable ways. This commitment to accessibility is central to its design and community approach.

Dateability goes beyond romantic connections by fostering a supportive space where individuals with disabilities and chronic illnesses can find community, share experiences, and feel less isolated.

Stories from users highlight how the platform has transformed lives—whether through finding love, friendship, or simply belonging. These stories continue to validate the mission in powerful and unexpected ways.

Inclusivity shapes every aspect of Dateability’s culture. It drives how the platform is designed, how the community interacts, and how members feel welcomed regardless of ability or background.

One of the biggest challenges has been breaking stereotypes and addressing societal misconceptions about dating with disabilities. Overcoming these obstacles has strengthened the team’s resolve and deepened their mission.

Future growth plans include expanding reach, adding new accessibility-driven features, and continuing to evolve the app so that more people can build authentic relationships in a safe, inclusive environment.

Ready to enhance your dating experience? Join our Dating Made Easier community for coaching and support along your path to meaningful connection.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

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Take The Dating Success Quiz here.

Building your authentic foundation through deep self-awareness and self-acceptance. Key focus areas include understanding your inherent worth, identifying strengths and values, and developing a positive relationship with your disability or difference. Action items include practicing daily affirmations, engaging with disability-positive media, and joining supportive communities.

Developing unshakable self-confidence independent of external validation. This stage emphasizes handling rejection, receiving constructive feedback without personalizing it, and building resilience techniques. Recommended actions include practicing boundary-setting, role-playing difficult conversations, and developing effective dating profiles.

Creating a personalized dating action plan that addresses accessibility, safety, and financial considerations. Key milestones include developing safety protocols for online and in-person dates, researching accessible dating apps, and deciding how and when to disclose your disability. Kathy recommends always having video chats before meeting in person and establishing clear safety plans.

Actively implementing your dating plan by engaging with potential partners through various channels. This "putting yourself out there" stage involves setting goals for initiating contact, joining dating apps, attending meetups, and expanding your social circle to meet new people.

Mastering your dating approach based on experiences from previous stages. This involves maintaining confidence regardless of outcomes, adjusting strategies based on learned experiences, and developing sustainable dating habits while working toward long-term relationship goals.

The Dating Success Quiz here to help identify which stage you're currently in and what would benefit you most in your dating journey. The framework is designed to be fluid, allowing movement between stages as needed.

Ready to enhance your dating experience? Join our Dating Made Easier community for coaching and support along your path to meaningful connection.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

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Register here for the Loving Our Bodies Workshop.

This workshop helps you develop a healthier relationship with your bodies in the context of dating. Participants learn practical techniques for overcoming internalized body shame, distinguishing between body acceptance and broader self-love, and understanding how genuine self-worth creates more authentic and successful dating experiences. Through interactive exercises and group discussions, attendees leave with concrete tools to build confidence and attract healthier relationships.

Learning Objectives:

Ready to enhance your dating experience? Join our Dating Made Easier community for coaching and support along your path to meaningful connection.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

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Nicole Penrod is an associate marriage and family therapist in California's Bay Area. She has ADHD and is in a relationship with someone on the autism spectrum, bringing both professional and personal experience to neurodivergent dating and relationships.

Nicole introduces the "map of messages" exercise to identify sources of harmful narratives about normalcy. This involves mapping out all messages received about one's neurodivergence, examining their sources, and critically evaluating which beliefs to keep or discard. This helps separate inherited societal messages from personal truths.

Using narrative therapy principles, Nicole suggests finding "unique outcomes" - moments when negative self-stories weren't true. By strengthening positive counter-narratives through evidence of resilience, capability, and support systems, the old harmful stories naturally diminish.

Instead of fear-based dating focused on potential rejection, Nicole advocates identifying core values (autonomy, generosity, kindness) and actively living them out in dating contexts. This shifts focus from "will they like me?" to "how can I show up authentically?"

Vulnerability builds meaningful connections but requires practice and boundaries. Nicole suggests starting with small authentic shares and gradually increasing depth as relationships develop, always maintaining personal comfort levels.

She identifies four attachment styles affecting dating: secure, anxious (reassurance-seeking), avoidant (withdrawal when close), and disorganized (conflicting behaviors). Understanding these patterns helps recognize relationship dynamics.

Dating is described as "a losing game on purpose" where rejection provides valuable compatibility information. Each "no" brings you closer to the right "yes," making rejection part of the successful dating process.

Nicole's key advice: treat dating as an experiment in self-understanding and self-acceptance rather than choosing between self-work and finding love. Use dating experiences to practice being the person you want to be.

Nicole Penrod's website

Ready to enhance your dating experience? Join our Dating Made Easier community for coaching and support along your path to meaningful connection.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

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Download Using AI to Meet People, the resource guide for this podcast.

Many people with disabilities find traditional dating apps aren't working well for them. The apps don't effectively showcase the fullness of a person, and people often want to meet others locally rather than hundreds of miles away.

In Dating Made Easier we have begun using AI to help members find local venues, events, and activities where they can meet compatible people in person. The more detailed information you provide to AI, the better results you get.

Avoid sharing sensitive personal information like birth dates or exact addresses with AI platforms, as data may be retained even after deletion.

Using AI to Meet People guide organized prompts by:

"Suggest accessible social venues in [your city] where people with [disability type] can comfortably meet new people."

"Suggest accessible cooking classes in [location] where I can connect with like-minded people."

Submit it here and we'll offer an anonymous answer in a future episode.

Ready to enhance your dating experience? Join our Dating Made Easier community for coaching and support along your path to meaningful connection.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

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Registration Link

Eric McHugh co-created the dating app DATA.ING. The app auto-generates profiles and matches based on users' digital footprints by linking social media accounts, photos, and other data sources to create personality tags.

Unlike traditional dating apps that rely on superficial swiping, DATA.ING uses AI called "Cupid" to create matches based on comprehensive personality traits. The app analyzes multiple data sources including Instagram, Pinterest, Gmail, and calendar information to build detailed user profiles with relevant tags.

The app offers enhanced safety through multi-source verification, making fake profiles harder to create. It focuses on personality traits rather than appearance, helping highlight positive qualities that might be overlooked. Users can match with others who have similar or different abilities, and the AI provides guidance on respectful interactions.

The app has approximately 1,500 users, primarily in Los Angeles, with plans to expand based on download patterns. Currently available only on iOS App Store, with Android version in development. The team is considering desktop version for accessibility needs.

Unlike competitors incentivized by user churn, DATA.ING benefits from successful long-term relationships by serving as an ongoing relationship assistant, creating better alignment between business goals and user satisfaction.

Dataing

Connect with Eric McHugh

Ready to enhance your dating experience? Join our Dating Made Easier community for coaching and support along your path to meaningful connection.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate

Ready to enhance your dating experience? Join our Dating Made Easier community for coaching and support along your path to meaningful connection.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate

Registration Link

Dr. Victoria Mattingly, CEO of Mattingly Solutions, is an organizational psychologist and author who lives with bipolar disorder and alopecia. Her latest book "Work with an Ally, Act like an Ally" explores two-way partnerships in allyship.

Authentic allyship means taking action, not just identity. In relationships, this involves creating space, ensuring accessibility, and advocating for accommodations. Partners can leverage their privilege to support someone with a disability during challenging times.

People with disabilities should identify what makes them feel valued, respected, seen, and heard, then communicate these needs directly. This includes being clear in dating app bios about needs and expectations.

Mattingly advocates for "owning" your disability rather than hiding it. She shares how she removes her wig during presentations, demonstrating confidence. When you're comfortable with your disability, it invites others to be comfortable too.

Viewing disability as a tool for navigating the world, not a limitation, helps reframe negative self-perception. Surrounding yourself with other successful people with disabilities helps challenge biased beliefs.

Being vulnerable and authentic first creates space for others to do the same. This courage fosters deeper connections and mutual understanding in dating relationships.

Drawing from workplace inclusion principles, successful dating requires creating environments where people feel safe sharing without fear of judgment or rejection.

Connect with Victoria

Ready to enhance your dating experience? Join our Dating Made Easier community for coaching and support along your path to meaningful connection.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate