When I set out to do this podcast, I wanted to find the answer to a question: What is it like to be facing the end? I wanted to hear the inspiring parts, the messy parts, and the mundane parts of living with a terminal illness. In this final episode, I reflect on what I’ve learned from these interviews and whether I’m any less afraid of death.

Thank you again to the people I’ve interviewed. Your stories will live on.

Music: “Promises” by Sergey Cheremisinov, “Touch of Ice” by Borrtex, “Desomorais” by Podington Bear, “Cedar Waxwing” by Chad Crouch, and “Perrenial” by Pictures of the Floating World

When I started this podcast, I soon realized that I was exploring death from three different vantage points: from the view of people with a terminal illness, from my own as a healthy person, and from the view of a child learning about death for the first time. My son started asking questions about death when he was two. At first, I didn’t really know how to answer his questions. But now that he’s almost five, our conversations about death are as natural as our conversations about detectives, rocket ships, and lunch.

In the second-to-last episode, you’ll hear me and my son Leon talk about death, his thoughts on an afterlife, and…Curious George.

Music: “Barefoot” by Chad Crouch and “Miracles of Childhood” by Lobo Loco

What is a good death? And how can we talk about it in a way that honors a person’s values but doesn’t add pressure? In this episode, I talk with Dr. Annetta Mallon, an end-of-life consultant (or death doula), about the narrative of a “good death” and how she supports people when things don’t go as planned. She also discusses helpful ways we can talk to kids about death.

To learn more about Dr. Annetta Mallon and what she offers, check out her website: https://www.gdep.com.au/

Music: “Grove Melody” by Chad Crouch, “Gravity” by Borrtex, and “Tracers” by Podington Bear

Imagine you’ve been diagnosed with a terminal illness and are consumed by feelings of hopelessness, fear, and depression. What if there was a treatment that could help? Research has shown that psilocybin-assisted therapy can significantly reduce the existential distress associated with dying. Psilocybin is currently in clinical trials for this use, but many terminally ill patients, like Erinn Baldeschwiler, either don’t have access or time to wait.

When Erinn and her palliative care doctor, Dr. Sunil Aggarwal, tried to access psilocybin outside of a clinical trial through Right to Try Laws, the Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) denied their request. Together, Erinn, Dr. Aggarwal, and their lawyer Kathryn Tucker J.D. are suing the DEA for denying them access to psilocybin in a groundbreaking case that could potentially help many terminally ill people in the future.

In this episode, I talk with Erinn Baldeschwiler, Dr. Sunil Aggarwal, and Kathryn Tucker about this pivotal lawsuit, how psilocybin-assisted therapy might really help people who are dying, and I ask Erinn questions about her terminal illness and what it means to her to be a part of this case.

To learn more about Dr. Sunil Aggarwal and the AIMS Institute, go here.

To learn more about Kathryn Tucker, J.D. and Emerge Law Group, go here.

Music: “Pale Tussuck” and “A Thousand Stars” by Pictures of the Floating World, “Brad PKL” by Blue Dot Sessions, and “Cove” by Chad Crouch

When 16-year-old Dylan Lawrence was diagnosed with a diffuse intrinsic pontine glioma, the deadliest childhood brain tumor, he said, “I don’t want my life to be pointless.” I was planning on interviewing Dylan for this podcast, but unfortunately he got too sick and died several weeks after our scheduled interview. But I still wanted to somehow capture who Dylan was. So Dylan’s “bonus mom” Susan Lawrence and I decided that we would carry his voice after his death through hers.

In this episode, you’re going to hear a lot about who Dylan was as person, how Susan and Dylan talked about his terminal illness, and about how even in the midst of darkness, Susan was able to feel gratitude. Susan also talks in detail about Dylan’s death, and about the trauma of witnessing Dylan’s struggle to die. This episode is heavy at times, but if you’re up for it, you can help hold a space for the unimaginable: losing a child.

If you would like to learn more about Dylan and Susan, you can check out their Facebook page: Dreams For Dylan.

Music: “Surface Tension 3” by Podington Bear, “Thank You for Everything” by Alan Spiljak, and “Memories” by Pictures of the Floating World”.

After being cancer free for several years, Andrea “Mimi” Ankerholz found out that her breast cancer had come back and had spread to her bones. It was terminal. Her oncologist told her she had six to twelve months to live without treatment and maybe a little longer with treatment. After feeling like a “complete mess” while on radiation and hormone therapy, Mimi decided to discontinue active cancer treatment and instead began to explore Colorado’s End-of-Life Options Act. In this episode, you will hear more about medical aid in dying and why it’s so important to Mimi to have the option to choose how she dies.

While public opinion polls show that the majority of Americans support medical aid in dying, the issue remains controversial. I want to be clear that this episode is not about the debate itself. It’s about one woman’s story.

Music: “Springtime” and “Constellation” by Podington Bear, “Dolly and Pad” by Blue Dot Sessions, and “Ice Skating” by Borrtex

A big thank you to Mimi Ankerholz for opening up and sharing her personal story with us.

When Dave Warnock was diagnosed with ALS several years ago, he quit his job, moved in with some friends, and decided to start seizing the moments he had left. Prior to his diagnosis, Dave was no stranger to big life transitions. After decades as an evangelical pastor, he gave up his faith and became an atheist. Now he devotes his time to speaking to groups about living and dying as an atheist, a movement he calls “Dying Out Loud.”

To learn more about Dave and his Dying Out Loud work, check out his website at daveoutloud.com.

Thank you Dave for the fascinating conversation and for reminding us to seize moments with gusto!

Music: “Forces” by Podington Bear and “Etude No. 01_18 Years” by Borrtex

Note: This interview was recorded in February of 2021.

Do you ever find yourself not knowing what to say to someone with a terminal illness? Maybe you want to show your support but fear you might say the wrong thing. These conversations can be tricky to have, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to figure out how to have them. People I have interviewed from previous episodes, including Clair Fisher, Adam Hayden, Jennifer Dunn, and Glenn Buckland, share their perspectives on what is helpful and what is unhelpful. Perhaps their insights can help make these conversations a little easier for everyone.

Thank you so much to Clair, Adam, Jennifer, and Glenn for sharing your insights!

Music: “Bombadore” and “Warm Fingers” by Blue Dot Sessions and “Sweet and Clean” by Podington Bear

While Clair Fisher was on a work trip to the Cayman Islands a couple years ago, she had to fly to Florida for an emergency surgery. She would soon learn that the cause of her pain was advanced cancer. Clair now spends her time focusing on how she can live and die well. As part of what she calls her retirement project, Clair is advocating for early intervention to hospice, the importance of work during a terminal illness, and breaking down the taboos of talking about death and dying.

To learn more about Clair, you can also check out her blog: https://www.dyingwell.uk/

Music: “Cycles” and “Bogong” by Pictures of the Floating World

It’s been a while since I posted an episode, so I wanted to do a quick check-in. What an overwhelming year, to say the least. As this year finally comes to a close, I’ve been finding a lot of joy in watching my kids enjoy the magic of Christmas. Things are getting tricky though with my son’s questions about Santa. Spoiler alert: He wonders whether Santa ever dies.

Music: “Basketliner” by Blue Dot Sessions