On this week's episode: Donald Trump is long, strong, and can’t keep the government on … The Patriots all die in a fiery plane crash over and over again forever … And everyone's being super judgmental about eating pods of laundry detergent.

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Headline Links:

Walmart faking trickle down: http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/13/opinions/sams-club-walmart-corporate-greed-tasini-opinion/index.html <> https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2018/01/11/walmart-boosts-minimum-wage-11-hands-out-bonuses-up-1-000-hourly-workers/1023606001/

Government shuts down: https://www.washingtonpost.com/powerpost/government-shuts-down-after-senate-bill-collapses-negotiations-fail/2018/01/20/dca0d7e0-fda6-11e7-8f66-2df0b94bb98a_story.html

Trump's lawyer paid off porn star to stay quiet about affair: https://www.thecut.com/2018/01/everything-to-know-about-the-stormy-danielstrump-scandal.html <> http://money.cnn.com/2018/01/16/media/fox-news-stormy-daniels-trump/index.html

New California: https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/01/16/new-california-declares-independence-california-bid-become-51st-state/1036681001/ <> https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/01/17/new-california-five-times-californians-failed-split-golden-state/1040314001/ <> https://img1.wsimg.com/blobby/go/720c6a07-3594-44b7-8098-94fc11bae240/downloads/1bs7g2fao_444861.pdf

All of Africa, El Salvador, and Haiti are shitholes: http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/12/politics/donald-trump-slur-racial-politics/index.html

Man shoots at church for being alien spaceship for reptiles: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2018/01/15/man-shoots-at-church-because-its-an-alien-space-ship-for-reptiles/

Roundup Links:

http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/16/politics/trump-black-approval-rating/index.html

https://www.rferl.org/a/russia-deploys-s400-division-crimea/28973635.html

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-42752298

http://www.bbc.com/news/health-42687970?SThisFB

https://sputniknews.com/middleeast/201801161060796179-muslim-clerics-forbid-suicide-attacks

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-australia-42731112

http://www.thehindubusinessline.com/news/science/isro-launches-its-100th-satellite-into-space/article10027585.ece

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-42668841

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2018-01-21/key-day-could-yield-fast-deal-or-long-impasse-shutdown-update

http://www.miningmx.com/news/diamonds/31327-gem-share-flies-910-carat-whopper-recovered-letseng/

https://www.usnews.com/news/business/articles/2018-01-16/eu-parliament-calls-for-ban-on-electric-pulse-fishing

http://edition.cnn.com/2018/01/17/asia/north-south-korea-olympics-flag-intl/index.html

http://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-42703888

http://en.brinkwire.com/90379/study-identifies-brain-circuit-controlling-social-behavior/

https://www.reuters.com/article/us-philippines-media/philippines-orders-further-probes-into-news-site-that-angered-duterte-idUSKBN1F61J1

https://www.reuters.com/article/usa-immigration-7-eleven/u-s-immigration-operation-targets-7-eleven-stores-in-17-states-idUSKBN1EZ2S4

http://www.chicagotribune.com/business/ct-biz-dow-hits-26000-20180116-story.html