On this week's episode: Trump limits mail in voting to whites-only envelopes ... We learn how to join the FBI just by drawing the turtle on the matchbox ... And bad video game design flips Noah to a solid Democrat.

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Headline Sources:

Trump administration asks SCOTUS to allow anti-democracy mail voting scheme: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/09/03/us/politics/trump-supreme-court-mail-ballots.html
https://www.scotusblog.com/2026/09/trump-administration-asks-supreme-court-to-clear-the-way-for-new-mail-in-voting-rule-to-be-imple/

FBI lowers hiring standards for applicants who solicited sex workers, stole, or engaged in bestiality: https://people.com/fbi-lowers-hiring-standards-for-applicants-who-solicited-sex-workers-report-12072726

Pentagon secretly hires right wing influencers to sell their wars: https://www.washingtonpost.com/national-security/2026/08/30/pentagon-secretly-installs-military-influencers-civilian-roles/

Pete Hegseth is an idiot who needs to be fired: https://www.cnn.com/2026/09/03/politics/pete-hegseth-problem-trump
https://www.theatlantic.com/national-security/2026/08/driscoll-hegseth-military-resignation/688479/

The Lion King composer ordered to pay comedian after $27m lawsuit over podcast joke backfires: https://thetab.com/2026/09/02/the-lion-king-composer-ordered-to-pay-comedian-after-27m-lawsuit-over-podcast-joke-backfires

Trump administration debuts low res video games that promote their agenda: https://apnews.com/article/trump-white-house-video-game-arcade-d540ff089ed5b1d432715a4209b16a23

On this week's episode: The country checks the couch for 40 TRILLION dollars ... We’ll find out just how much money there is in Free Speech ... And the Mormons will LEGO of some money they stole.

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Headline Sources:

Three things to know about the $40 trillion federal debt: https://www.npr.org/2026/08/20/nx-s1-5939473/40-trillion-federal-debt

The Peter Thiel-Linked Race Science Network that Penetrated Cambridge University and Targeted Jason Arday: https://bylinetimes.com/2026/08/18/the-peter-thiel-linked-race-science-network-that-penetrated-cambridge-university-and-targeted-jason-arday/
Revealed: Toby Young free speech group crowdfunded over £60,000 for legal case fought by pro-bono lawyer: https://www.theguardian.com/media/2026/aug/18/toby-young-free-speech-union-60000-gbp
British free speech group hit by unease over Maga links: https://www.ft.com/content/c15ce62d-fc69-4c2f-ae3b-0dc4dac8a49a?syn-25a6b1a6=1 
Tory peer’s free speech group urged JD Vance to lobby UK government: https://www.ft.com/content/402d716a-0cf1-46e6-b09b-e37d6ea428a5?syn-25a6b1a6=1

DeSantis ally and appointee is arrested on child sex abuse charges: https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/desantis-ally-appointee-arrested-child-sex-abuse-charges-rcna593206

Nigel Farage faces renewed watchdog probe after Clacton by-election victory: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c62x1gr62m1o
Police dispute Farage claim Clacton count wasn't safe for him - here are the facts: https://inews.co.uk/news/politics/police-dispute-farage-claim-clacton-count-safe-facts-4706958

Bricks & Minifigs’ $200,000 Star Wars Lego Dispute That Spawned Reckless Ben Drama Reaches Partial Settlement: https://kotaku.com/reckless-ben-star-wars-lego-bricks-minifigs-mansell-family-mormon-mafia-2000726238

The jaw-dropping list of everything asylum seekers in Thetford were 'given for free': https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/2237137/thetford-asylum-seekers-free-goods-list 

On this week's episode: We’ve always been at war with Eastasia ... An old Who’s Woo subject gets in touch with an opportunity too good to turn down ... And presidential hopeful Tucker Carlson wants a house to go with his replacement theory.

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Headline Sources:

Trump basically resorts to threatening Iran with imaginary missiles: https://abcnews.com/Politics/crucial-us-missile-stockpiles-extremely-low-official/story?id=135428997
https://www.washingtonpost.com/national-security/2026/08/05/trump-hegseth-clashed-camp-david-over-iran-missile-depletion-concerns/

Playbooks, plagiarism and a pig’s head: new claims surrounding a star Cambridge professor: https://www.theguardian.com/education/ng-interactive/2026/aug/01/playbooks-plagiarism-pigs-head-new-claims-surrounding-cambridge-professor-jason-arday 
The takedown of Jason Arday has overjoyed the right, and must be a wake-up call for the left: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2026/aug/06/jason-arday-dei-race-issues-university-of-cambridge

Comey prosecution is absurd and Trump reminds us that he was a Russian asset: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/07/29/us/james-comey-seashells-trump-secret-service.html
https://www.axios.com/2026/08/05/trump-russian-asset-comey-fbi-investigation

Fauci takes the 5th: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/08/06/us/politics/fauci-contempt-of-congress.html

Michael Marshall has a zoom call with an unsuspecting Brian Rose: https://www.facebook.com/reel/1580651800303373  

TUCKER CARLSON puts out 10-point manifesto in possible bid for president: https://www.axios.com/2026/08/06/tucker-carlson-third-party-israel-trump

On this week's episode: Trump finds a new way to bomb ... Americans learn they will diarrhea themselves to death with measles before they’ll vote for a black lady ...
And Republicans get mad about the ethnic retcon of the epic poem they all definitely read.

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Headline Sources:

Trump tries jokes at WHCA dinner 2: https://www.nytimes.com/live/2026/07/24/us/trump-news#is-this-supposed-to-be-fun-trump-hurls-insults-at-correspondents-dinner

Dr. Phil reveals the White House had him review UFO files to see how the public would react to them: https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/dr-phil-trump-ufo-files-b3019901.html

America, land of diarrhea lettuce and measles: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/07/24/well/eat/cyclospora-outbreak-states-cdc.html
https://www.nytimes.com/2026/07/24/well/measles-record-united-states-numbers.html

Trump Orders Warnings Placed at ‘Inaccurate’ Smithsonian History Museum: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/07/24/arts/design/smithsonian-signs-trump-executive-order.html

New York sculptor spent $100,000 to make a Charlie Kirk statue no one wants to buy: https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/jul/20/sculptor-charlie-kirk-statue-new-york

Elon Musk is gonna make his OWN Odyssey: https://www.theguardian.com/film/2026/jul/22/elon-musk-grok-imagine-historically-accurate-ai-homers-odyssey-christopher-nolan

On this week's episode: Nigel Farage will argue that, if anything, he’s TOO innocent ... Mitch McConnell is busy hanging out with a cat and some uranium in a secret box ... And Donald Trump will call FIFA to tell them they just need to find him three more goals.

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Headline Sources:

NATO summit in Turkiye: https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/7/8/five-key-takeaways-from-the-nato-summit-in-ankara
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/jul/08/nato-leaders-world-cup-donald-trump-ankara-summit
https://www.nytimes.com/2026/07/08/us/politics/trump-air-force-one-security.html

Farage resigns as MP and vows to fight by-election amid finances row: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c0ly51kzdz3o

Mitch McConnell is not well: https://www.reuters.com/world/us/mitch-mcconnells-health-absence-mystery-with-us-senate-poised-return-2026-07-09/
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/jul/11/mitch-mcconnell-senator-health

Starmer quits as Labour leader and paves way for contest for new prime minister: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cdxd00lg599o

Trump calls FIFA prez to pressure a red card review: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/07/06/world/europe/fifa-trump-infantino-world-cup-red-card.html
https://www.theatlantic.com/newsletters/2026/07/fifa-trump-red-card-belgium/687820/

On this week's episode: Donald Trump surrenders in victory ... Trump aides explain why you can’t waterboard algae ... And we learn about the profound geopolitical impact of Waffle House and ranch dressing.

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Headline Sources:

US Iran agree to Memorandum of…never mind: https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/6/27/us-iran-trade-strikes-what-to-know-will-it-unravel-the-mou

RFK Jr. is in charge of special education: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/06/20/us/politics/special-education-rfk.html

Trump floats reflecting pool sabotage plot: https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-floats-up-wild-new-reflecting-pool-sabotage-plot/
https://www.cnn.com/2026/06/25/politics/reflecting-pool-firm-renovation-unfeasible

White South African “refugees” in America get a welcome bag: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/06/23/us/politics/south-africa-refugees-welcome-bags.html

Taylor Swift is getting married at MSG on July 4th: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/06/24/nyregion/taylor-swift-wedding-madison-square-garden.html

On this week's episode: Space X’s IPO is a POS ... We’ll explain to Eli why you can’t bet against Kalshi’s continued existence on Kalshi ... And Knicks fans like Heath can finally die happy.

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Headline Sources:

SpaceX IPO is full of shenanigans: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/06/10/business/spacex-ipo-what-to-know.html
https://www.nytimes.com/live/2026/06/12/business/spacex-ipo-elon-musk

No injuries, no props - CFTC proposes prediction market rules: https://www.espn.com/espn/betting/story/_/id/49019930/cftc-proposes-rules-limiting-prediction-markets-kalshi-sports
https://www.theverge.com/business/948083/kalshi-prediction-markets-insider-trading

Pentagon releases third tranche of UFO files, revealing more nothing: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/ufo-files-pentagon-3rd-release-documents-videos/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpT4K5ZElXE

CIA officer found with $40 million in gold bars and his entire life story was a lie: https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/national-security/arrest-303-gold-bars-cia-officer-spun-tale-was-top-gun-fighter-pilot-rcna349037
https://www.nytimes.com/2026/06/10/us/politics/pentagon-cia-officer-gold-bars.html

Bathroom break during French Open match:
https://apnews.com/article/arthur-gea-bathroom-break-french-open-3c031bafb4dd161fb074ccadb091e6d1
Bryce Harper toothpaste insanity: https://apnews.com/article/bryce-harper-phillies-toothpaste-toothbrush-63653a5054c0acd4c2db43da48d75590
Trump ruins the Knicks 13-game playoff win streak but then hopefully it's happy or something: https://www.cnbc.com/2026/06/08/trump-booed-knicks-spurs-madison-square-garden.html

Pete Hegseth’s fitness calamities continue to be impossibly funny: https://www.reddit.com/r/SipsTea/comments/1u3b1b4/hegseth_struggling_to_put_up_weight_at_guantanamo/

On this week's episode: Florida declares infinity plus ONE congressmen ... Bret Michaels had better things to do ... And we learn how a weighted penis bag might affect your weekend.

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Headline Sources:

Trump’s attempt at slush fund for Jan 6 rioters goes poorly: https://www.cnn.com/2026/05/29/politics/federal-judge-halts-work-on-trumps-anti-weaponization-fund

Judge Allows Florida House Map That Could Add 4 Republican Seats: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/05/26/us/florida-congress-map-redistricting.html

Were the Enhanced Games a Bust? - Organizers Are Upping the Ante to $10 Million: https://www.vanityfair.com/culture/story/enhanced-games-ten-million-reward

Kash Patel's apparel site is trying to trick visitors into installing malware: https://www.pcmag.com/news/kash-patels-apparel-site-is-trying-to-trick-visitors-into-installing-malware
Ka$h Patel actually does my joke 2 days later with custom engraved bourbon: https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/2026/05/kash-patel-fbi-bourbon/687066/
Kash goes snorkeling at Pearl Harbor:
https://newrepublic.com/post/210478/report-kash-patel-desperate-snorkel-graveyard-pearl-harbor

Almost everybody pulls out of Trump’s stupid America rally and then he cancels it:: https://pagesix.com/entertainment/freedom-250-concert-festival-artists-backing-out-lineup/
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cy02j1n87wlo

The Knicks are in the finals and Donald Trump might ruin it: https://thespun.com/nba/knicks-fans-urged-to-ignore-president-trump-at-nba-finals

Clavicular gives penismaxxing advice and gets mogged by a judge: https://www.wonkette.com/p/dont-go-taking-any-penis-advice-from

On this week's episode: Marsh will explain British elections just in time for the empire to fall ... Donald Trump gets through his China visit without jumping out of the car at a red light and running around it ... and Trump supporters still won't have their gold phones.

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Headlines sources:

Trump’s China summit: https://www.opb.org/article/2026/05/15/key-takeaways-from-trumps-china-trip/

England Local election results 2026:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/election/2026/england/results#council-scoreboard 

The More Than 30 Scandal-Hit Reform Candidates Elected Last Week:
https://bylinetimes.com/2026/05/12/the-more-than-30-scandal-hit-reform-candidates-elected-last-week/

How Mamdani and Hochul Are Solving New York City’s Budget Crisis
https://www.nytimes.com/2026/05/12/nyregion/mamdani-budget-nyc.html

Trump phone shenanigans: https://www.pcmag.com/news/after-delays-scam-accusations-trump-mobile-says-t1-phone-ships-this-week
https://www.firstcoastnews.com/article/news/nation-world/trump-mobile-shipping-gold-t1-phones-after-nearly-a-year-of-delays/507-28f15b24-fc2a-45b0-bea1-23effcad36b5

Favorites to Win Eurovision:
https://www.nytimes.com/2026/05/15/arts/music/eurovision-song-contest-favorites.html

On this week's episode: Claude takes a proactive approach to the tech sector ... Another would-be Trump assassin turns out to be as inept as his intended victim ... And Trump realizes that if you fire all of science, the lying thing works itself out in payroll.

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Headline Sources:

White House Correspondents' Dinner attack: https://edition.cnn.com/2026/04/27/politics/conspiracy-theories-whcd-attack

Claude-powered AI agent’s confession after deleting a firm’s entire database: ‘I violated every principle I was given’:
https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2026/apr/29/claude-ai-deletes-firm-database

King Prince Charles lectures America on the dangers of monarchy: https://apnews.com/article/king-charles-us-state-visit-trump-congress-4cd294e6333b4a9ba7ada2af4dd71aa9

Kash Patel sues The Atlantic for pointing out he's drunk all the time: https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/2026/04/kash-patel-fbi-director-drinking-absences/686839/
https://www.newyorker.com/news/the-lede/kash-patels-implausible-lawsuit-against-the-atlantic

Trump fires entire advisory board of National Science Foundation: https://apnews.com/article/national-science-board-nsf-trump-6a23f3ab1b4c6eb131b4e79d95b3536f

Everest guides accused of poisoning foreign climbers to force fake rescues in $20m scam: https://www.independent.co.uk/travel/news-and-advice/mount-everest-climb-nepal-insurance-scam-sherpa-poisoning-b2952027.html#