Jake admits to heinous and appalling crimes; Jon's computer takes a dump halfway through.

An inmate in Auburn New York intentionally spits blood into officers' mouths and nose, and vile more acts of biomayhem. An inmate in Stockton fought officers in the hospital, stabbing and slashing them. DOC spokespeople, who work at desks and golf right at 5, say officers are fine and in good condition. Every day COs are in extreme and disgusting danger, and have to walk away the bigger man.

Jake Joke: Knowing criminal statutes? Otherwise just a full Double-F. In his defense, he was left unattended.