If you seek birthdays, Theophiloi, prepare for war — the War Scroll, that is! As we celebrate the Approximate Week between our two personal nativities, we dive into the Dead Sea Scrolls for the first time to find out all about the best of seven series between the Sons of Light and the Sons of Darkness. Please note that these Sons of Light are not, like, half-angels or whatever, but they do write some extremely dope things on their swords.

Topics of Discussion: Hobby Lobby being duped into becoming a literal Indiana Jones villain, Zydeco: the music of the Saducees, Alexander the Great, trumpets of ambush, trumpets of skambush, the strange acronyms of Forged In Fire Knife Expert Doug Marcaida, eternal slaughter, Dwayne "Cephas" Johnson.

Hymnal: "Seven Nation Army" by the White Stripes, "Seven Nation Army" by the Hungarian Coverist ( https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkHR1ZZ1bsYNkFBv1qkjQ1A )

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/user/apocrypals

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Isaiah 1:17.