What if the meltdown isn’t the problem?

What if the defiance… the pushback… the shutting down…

is actually your child’s nervous system asking for help?

Because for so many parents, it feels like this:

→ It starts small→ It escalates fast→ Suddenly you’re in a full meltdown or power struggle→ And nothing you try seems to work

You explain.You stay calm.You set a consequence.

…and somehow, it just gets worse.

In my latest podcast episode, I sat down with Ce Eshelman, a trauma-informed therapist, and she put words to something so many parents feel—but can’t quite explain.

She calls these moments “bewildering behaviors.”

Those reactions that feel confusing… intense… disproportionate.

The ones where you walk away thinking:

“Why did that get so big?”“Why didn’t anything work?”“What am I missing?”

And the answer isn’t what most of us were taught.

Here are 3 shifts from our conversation:

1. It’s not defiance—it’s dysregulation

When your child melts down, their brain is overwhelmed.

They’re not choosing how to respond in that moment.

They’re reacting.

Which is why logic, consequences, and explanations don’t land.

2. Behavior is a signal, not the problem

That meltdown? That pushback?

It’s communication.

Something inside your child feels too big, too fast, or too overwhelming to manage alone.

3. Understanding isn’t enough in the moment

Even when you get all of this…

it’s still incredibly hard to know what to actually DO when it’s happening in real life.

Because your nervous system gets activated too.

And suddenly you’re reacting… instead of responding.

🎙️ Click here to listen to the full podcast episode and hear how Ce breaks this down in a way that makes these moments finally make sense.

To learn more about Ce Eshelman:https://www.lovemattersparenting.com/about

Want more support?

If you’re listening to this and thinking, “This is exactly what’s happening in my home… but I still don’t know what to do or say in the moment,” you’re not alone.

I’m hosting a free workshop where I’ll walk you through exactly this—how to stay calm when your child is escalating, what to do and say in those meltdown moments, and how to shift the pattern so it stops turning into defiance and power struggles.

👉 Big Feelings Challenging Behavior Workshop

You don’t have to keep guessing your way through these moments. You’re not alone in this! Join us to get the support you need.

Connect with Dajana Yoakley Delight in Parenting

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