Chag samaeach, Theophiloi! It's Hanukkah time once again, and for 5781, we're diving back into the dynasty of God's resisters with MACCABEES — and this time, it's about family. Join us as we go through some truly grotesque and graphic descriptions of torture in what is essentially Green Eggs & Ham meets Hostel. It's... maybe not the best way to celebrate a gift-giving holiday, but, well, we didn't write it. Also: Olive Garden, stop reading. Applebee's.... hello.

Topics of Discussion: the pandemic vs the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade (which was actually quite good), Benito's trip to the hospital, a series of jokes to remind you of exactly where we grew up, a balanced evaluation of Seneca the Younger, "Jews" vs. "Hebrews" in South Carolina, angel horses, catapults, the dopest last words of all time, the gross and grisly death of Antiochus, a review of our SJW politics.

Hymnal: "Family Tradition" by Hank Williams Jr., "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Organ4Everyone (https://www.youtube.com/c/Organ4everyone/featured)

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/stores/apocrypals?ref_id=18246

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Isaiah 54:17.