What kind of conversation can I have?

That's what a client called to talk about. He's worried the organization is making a decision that doesn't make sense and the leader in charge response to questions was, trust me.

Trust me is loaded is it not?

Consider the power dynamic. The people that were asking were junior to that leader. They were curious, they'd run the math, it didn't add up. Were they missing something? Was their context they didn't have that leader did? Curiosity is powerful it can create innovation

So my client, the team lead, was trying to figure out what kind of conversation to have.

The calf I met in the barn was one month old. One month I thought to myself. 30 days of being on this earth and experiencing life. Wild. So how did the calf think of me when I approached - tentative at first for sure and then I got the full on pet me, let me lick you, let's have a chat request. Exactly what I wanted and, I had to take in the context of this youngster, it's surroundings and how best to approach. It certainly wasn't full on putting my hands all over the calf's head before connecting, gaining agreement to start with some small scratches at first.

What do you know about that leader I asked my client? How well do they take critique and in what contexts. Well turns out this leader gets fairly defensive in larger public meetings especially around their own ideas. OK. What else? Well my client offered, if I send a slack in advance and offer what me and my team have looked at in terms of the data, the context we have and then ask if the leader could educate us on what they know and what they're thinking that might go along way. Yes!

A conversation is about relating. How we can show up at our best and based on what we know of the other, what conditions can we set for them to show up at their best?

So my client will send a slack message in advance, ask for a meeting with his team and the Leader and not broach the subject at the next leads meeting rather leaving it for the more intimate group.

> What are the conditions you need or need to create for a good conversation?

The wind howled. The rain turned to freezing ice pellets. It is not a nice day, even Emmett the Cat didn’t want to go out.

As we stepped out for the evening walk, three bright stars greeted us in the north western sky. One a beautiful orange glow, like a moon intriguing mysterious beckoning, almost.

We weren’t sure what it was going to be like, the wind had been howling so, but it wasn’t that bad

The stars that were visible gave us instant comfort, we know the Way.

I had checked in with the team before a big workshop earlier that day, they were anxious. Worried about how the session would go, this client is particularly judgmental, accusatory even, unwilling to do their own work. We talked about perspective, what perspective would serve them best to lead the session. One that would ground, enlighten, and offer the best practice for us and them. They landed on a ‘sassy container’. The team’s super power is creating safe supportive space with a tight agenda, and the sassy part reminded them they could deal with whatever might show up. The session went well, best yet the client said. The team said that's because they faced each other.

Walking towards the yurt, a single star was visible. And I felt instant comfort.

Who is your bright light in the storm?

We don’t often get encouraged to notice how we truly feel. No judgment in it - just is or may be or may be not.

The last cedar in the grove called me towards her and offered a kiss. A kiss of her unmistakable scent, buried within and still present. Her sweet fragrance like no other, fainter today but here none the less. Her kiss brings me back to all that she is, all I know her to be and the promise of the wet Spring of abundance yet to come.

What kiss can you bring to your lips to remind you of all that is, was and can be?

... Keep your eyes on the stars, but don’t forget that your feet are necessarily on the earth” Theodore Roosevelt

I took a different route this morning and explored the forest at the south end of the pond. I know this is wild animal territory - I have not ventured this way in a long while and last time with Max-dog - so Coyote and Deer scent was strong. I felt the fear creep up and moved steadily towards the clear. I was alone and in the thicket it was a precarious position to remain without a plan.

Several executives we’re working with, including myself, have noticed what I’ve termed a ‘fear hangover’. It’s a story we tell ourselves or a knowing from past experience that tells us this will be scary, we won’t be heard or understood at worst we will suffer derision for our perspective and so we stay mute or frozen.

An executive team we’re working with had experienced significant growth, more than doubling year over year, and now an extreme economic shift. Their old ways of leading and working are not serving what’s required of their organization. They are in the thicket without a plan.

Speaking with the CEO we discussed new ways of leading and how to create a rhythm for the team - with a clear and shared Vision and more safe space, they could co-create the Goals and supporting plans at a regular cadence of creation, execution, review that would fit the rhythm of their business. They are a services firm and so they have at least two lulls in their season - December/January and July/August. The CEO thought these might be the best times for reflection, innovation and planning. Now they needed the scaffolding of a management operating system to support their execution and a review practice that encouraged courageous voices to be heard.

As I stepped into the clearing, feeling the earth under my feet, seeing the wild plants and coming upon the greenhouse and fields I felt an instant calm. This is our Vision and plan. We are in the time of reflecting on the past season and preparing for the new. And it is humbling and beautiful.

What rhythm of vision, planning, execution and review serves you?

I heard them before I saw them. The unmistakable call of the Turtle Dove and then a lone bird flew up and away from a Poplar tree nearby.

I checked in on Max-dog and Foo-dog’s grave as I walked by - touching the stones at the head of their graves and appreciating their love for the time they were with us.

The birds kept calling out - Chickadees, Wrens, Redpoll, Waxwing and others - and I was amazed and awed by their strength and resilience. They aren’t bothered by the fact its a windy day. The wind so strong it moves decades old trees like they were 3 year old whips. Moving about the trees with elegance and grace the birds went about their foraging, singing while they worked. Very few of us are like the birds - happy to continue in stride and without apparent affect, to the context that is around us.

Catching up with a leader I used to coach, he offered the challenge of the current context with a new CEO in charge.

The culture has radically shifted to one of performance at all costs and a leadership team that may even be described as completely lacking in empathy. My client is one of few leaders left with the understanding that empathy and performance are not mutually exclusive, and its hard. But, he is resilient and has built his tribe of others within the company and many outside. Among those is a veteran of many organizations and cultures who like the birds seems to take it all in stride and is able to continue with great effectiveness.

We talked about what he can and will do to bolster his resiliency practice - he’s gotten back to regular meditation, pursues an artistic hobby as a beautiful outlet and will lean in to coaching

What is the song that bring you joy today?

I stood under her - the tallest maple at the curve in the path on the way to the pond. She called me towards her and I looked back, marvelling at another perspective.

Our perspective is everything. What we see, what we think we see, how we react, and the stories we tell ourselves. Then, curiosity or judgment sets in. Staying curious is key even in a decisive move from that place of perspective.

An executive team is rolling out a new management system that they expect will create greater alignment and accelerate their ability to achieve their goals and succeed together. They are noticing resistance, confusion and an overall lack of direct curiosity. They are hearing the ‘rumblings’ but not getting the ownership and accountability they would hope to see in the roll out. Even if it’s hey this is new and I don’t get it or I’m worried about…

Moving from what we see to what we judge is fast, milliseconds and then an emotional reaction may ensue. Slowing down enough to notice our perspective and allow ourselves without judgment to be curious for a while offers us much more about ourselves, our team and the system within which we are acting. This offers the opportunity for much greater impact and leadership. And it’s a millisecond.

I stood for a while under Maple admiring this view I had not appreciated before - looking back over the garden in the Fall. Seeing the Kale still flourishing, the promise of the fence to be completed next Spring and noticing how I felt leaning up against the strength of her trunk my body against hers and what it gave me.

What perspective can you play with?

I nearly stepped in it, yep Coyote scat right in the middle of the path at the north end of the pond, just below the grove of poplars.

Max-dog would never have done that, this is ‘our trail’!

He might have had a pee nearby to mark his ‘ownership’ but never a number 2!

Coyote is different. He wants us to know he is here, and he will continue to be here. And we appreciate that.

An executive I’m working with is trapped in the language of “I” - I can do that, I did that, I can get my team to do that, etc etc. No ‘we’ in their language. I asked what sports they may have played as a kid - no team sport - just the individual game. They have no relating to ‘we’ no understanding of the beauty and impact when we can co-create a shared sense of purpose and accomplishment together. No shared sense of a win, “I won”.

I offer help to roll out a new program they have limited experience with, the executive refuses. I can do that, I’ve read the book, my team will be fine. She is not open to the wisdom we can co-create to accelerate their success.

Coyote cares to stake the territory and let us all know. It’s important. This coyote is alone, there are no other tracks but theirs. They need to hunt alone, shelter alone until Coyote can find the others.

How do you find the others?

The stars told me so

The wind brought me to the now

My feet felt the earth

My friend reminded me I am loved and I can ask for what I need

Some times that is all we need

Xoxo Mic

Photo taken of Syrah the dog at the ranch I am convalescing in Texas owned by Kathy Taylor of Herdwise.net

There was a layer of mist, fog, or cloud we weren’t sure how to explain what we were seeing about 6 feet above the ground, and across everything we looked at. There was a line for which above was colder than below. My brain wrestling with the logic wondered, when there is snow and ice on the ground - shouldn’t the mist be coming off the ground? Of course there is a geological explanation about temperature of the air versus the ground and the fog that results, but I wasn’t sure what was where and why.

An executive with 20+ years of experience was preparing for a tough conversation with the CEO - to offer feedback in service of business risk they saw. The feedback was pointing out a likely uncounsciouss bias which was producing a toxic work environment. Bullying was being tolerated from one leader in particular - a very capable, smart and important engineer who had built much of the foundation of their product.

The executive prepared how to approach the conversation, how to create a container for the CEO, the head of HR and themselves. The intention was to offer fact-based observations, their experience of the impact of the ‘bad behaviour’ on themselves, so that they might mitigate any risk, and in the ideal, create a healthier work environment. They began by establishing rules for the conversation: clarifying questions were ok, finger pointing was not, sharing how they felt the impact of the ‘bad behaviour’ was their truth not to be judged, judgement would mean an end to the conversation.

The feedback conversation ensued - the executive offered this container to which they all agreed, and asked the CEO and Head of HR what they needed. The CEO said “I need to know the business risk first, what I need to be mindful of at the Board level”. The HR person said I’m open to whatever you have to say to help us create a better balance of performance and people orientation. They began.

The Executive found it hard, but also found their words starting with the CEOs request on business risk. This bullying style of leadership - dictatorial, without context; lacking in orientation towards teamwork, shared goals and wins or any rhythm of communication to reinforce the mission, vision values and goals they feared would stifle innovation. Recent promotions indicated there may also be an unconscious bias towards low EQ and a lacking in empathy, essentially leaders who preferred command and control styles.

When the toxicity was described with more specific and personal examples - the CEO began to break the rules. You keep using the term ‘offensive or insulting’ - but was it, how was it? The Executive offered - I’m here to offer what I see in service of a greater good and a shift that could produce better results. The conversation ended shortly after that.

I was proud of the Executive I coached for creating effective boundaries and sticking to them in a respectful way. We all need to have compassionate boundaries for ourselves and those around us. The better we are at offering shared rules for engaging in a specific situation - the greater ease there is for everyone to step in and out of those boundaries.

What is your compassionate boundary?

We climbed the hill up and over following the coyote tracks. Coyote had killed a bird and left the feathers. They have staked their claim in this space and we are happy to be here with them. Remembering there is ‘wild’ and ‘free’ around us.

‘Can we keep going?’ Popped into my head and I wondered who do we ask permission from? How often? In what contexts?

In several of the scale-ups I’ve worked with they have the concept of ‘act and beg forgiveness later’ The premise being if we are acting within our wisdom and for the greater good the best that will happen is a great outcome and the worst that will happen is a lesson learned.

Coyote does not ask permission of the bird to take its life, the hillside to carry its meal to and eat or the path to walk upon. Coyote may work within the constraints of this land but I’m sure they do not think of it in constraints - rather it is and they are.

Who are you asking permission from?