The ground was frozen solid. Or at least the first few inches. It offered no give and only a crunch - crunching of the grass and weeds under my boots - crunch crunch crunch.

A client’s relationship with a peer on the executive team is feeling strained. There’s no ease in it, he’s always on guard. What seems now to have been a critical decision some time back to give over any authority or participation might have been a mistake. Has the power dynamic changed, did he inadvertently give up his seat at the table? These were the questions mulling over in his mind. It felt done, there was no going back and he didn’t know how to go forward.

This is the beauty of relating and relationships - they are fluid. At times we may feel stuck, entrenched in a story we’ve made up in our mind. But this is not the truth - there is always give and take - it’s a matter of finding the wisdom within ourselves for what is here for us and the ask of them.

He noticed that he was feeling resistance to the change that was happening in the company he co-founded. They were growing and with growth was coming a new way of being - a new way of operating as a team. He realized there was a story in his mind about the old ways being the best ways, when we were small we could do…now we need all this process and oversight and coordination. This was where his resistance was - the crunch in his steps, and the opportunity for perspective shift - where is the give in the new way? What can he appreciate with greater ease?

Today as I stepped out the earth was soft, we’d had a warm day and my feet could sink into the ground more, especially around the garden where the earth is exposed. The earth is always alive no matter what story I make up about the feel of it.

What is calling you into a new way of relating?

I watched the first light of day turn the wooden yoke of the yurt’s glass dome from grey/brown to golden yellow. Sharing it’s energy for the day to come, and the call to get up, I felt the excitement build in my body to step out for the morning walk.

Many of our clients are anticipating the break to come - an extended break for some, the lightened load for others. Is it the anticipation that supports the drive to finish? One founder said - ‘it’s ok, it’s ok, I know we’re working too hard but I can see ‘the light at the end of this tunnel’. I offered, to find the rhythm that suits you first, then the team and remember the wisdom in the classic ‘this is a marathon not a race’.

Another client was noticing her role was expanding - she’s very good at many things and a strategically valuable hire for the company. She took the job as a way to ‘step back’ from an already intense career and spend more time with her family, pick up her daughter every day from school, etc. And yet, her role was expanding. The question she brought to coaching was role clarity and how to get out of the intensity.

Write out your ideal day, I offered; What does it look like? How will you structure it so that by the end you have the breathing room to end the day well and you can pick up your daughter without thinking of all the things you want and need to accomplish still at work.

I stepped out into the sunshine, and stood for a while just absorbing the energy and feeling the grace of being still before the hurry or the list of ‘to do’s’ flooded my mind. To feel the warmth, being surrounded by an orange/yellow glow while standing in the contrast of the now cool air is the beautiful paradox of early Spring in south central Canada. I too was reminded about the rhythm Sun offered - start in stillness today, go slow to go fast - this wonderful lesson that comes back to me again and again of living on the land.

What rhythm will serve you today?

Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. Taking responsibility for my life opens up many different options” Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

We only take on what we can handle. Even when it feels like overwhelm, untenable impossible - or the words that say no - it’s an invitation to slow down, take a breath coming back to your practice noticing whatever emotion is here and inviting clarity to move forward.

There is always a lesson - maybe I broke a boundary by promising more; maybe my enthusiastic nature bit off more than i really want to chew right now - whatever is here is useful

Breathing back into flow

I listen to the birds the sounds that surround me - maybe it’s the humm of activity in your household - whatever it is use it to bring you back to this moment. To now, the feeling of your feet on the ground, the breath flowing in and out

So what can you handle? What do you want to handle? What feels useful to you, important and fulfilling?

Do that and bring a smile back to your face so that you might approach the day the work the task with joy

Just like that, everything changes - our world can be transformed. We’ve all experienced this over the last few years. It can produce overwhelm, feelings of instability, a scarcity mindset - moving into fear versus joy gratitude or abundance. The invitation is reslience

What is your resilience practice? what are the things you do the ‘excercieses’ if you will that create a feeling of readyness? Maybe it’s a literal excercise routine that reminds you of your connection to your body and it’s strength. What do you do for your mental health - the practices that orient you to joy? to gratitude? to presence?

I watch the birds, the animals that are on the farm and the plants all react with grace to any change the environment offers. Rain comes and they soak up the nutrients in the water. Wind comes and they might hunker in to their dens or pay it no never mind as the birds do. They receive with grace and they do what they are naturally called to do in the situation.

Let’s remember how to regulate our bodies, mind and spirit. To build a reslience practice that will serve us not matter what ‘just like that’ changes occur.

Need support - reach out to a coach, a friend, a group, a therapist - don’t know where to start feel welcome to ping me direct. I’m happy to help.

What will you do today, right now, to bring back your resilience practice?

To stand in the dawn’s light - just for a moment - soaking in the warmth, feeling and observing the light land on my hands, my torso, my legs, my feet. Being still in the feeling of stillness of quiet of no agenda no demands no anything but light warmth and that feeling.

Take a breath. Take another. This moment is yours.

As I delighted in a quiet walk this morning watching the sun rise, a client came to mind that is going through a very busy time. She has board meetings, organizational change under way and many many initiatives and that’s just her working life. She is worried about her elderly parents, her children, the state of the world. Her chief complaint is she has not time for her friends - her indulgence, her way through is ‘mini vacations’. What’s that I asked - To sit on a bench in the sunlight for just a moment with a tea or coffee, even 5 minutes is enough.

What is your moment? Your mini vacation?

What is your practice to reground with clarity about who you are and what you need?

The water at the largest pond is the lowest its been in years. Not necessarily unusual and certainly stark, unsettling and noticeable.

I sat at the north end of the pond awaiting the sunrise, listening and observing. I looked down at the light dusting of snow across the rocky terrain, all the myriad shapes of pebbles larger rocks and sand. The individual grains of ice the made up the snow cover. I listened to crow caw and fly by, maybe noticing me crouched down and still. I looked up to see where the sun was on its rise, golden light breaking through the cloud cover that was the morning sky, and I was grateful to feel the light. All these elements invite a story, one they have to tell, one we might make up and the moment that is now

A coaching client had a rough week - a meeting he understood with a simple purpose went sideways and then the follow on roll out to staff went worse. Messy he said. Reflecting on his experience, emotions thoughts and actions we were unpacking what was for him, for the team, for the meeting organizer and for the leaders. What about my upcoming meeting with John? John was a key player in this meeting - it was his work that was being rolled out that became the mess. Nothing wrong with the work itself save for the team alignment and the thoughtlessness of the intention, communication and ultimate impact. My client wanted to know how to approach his meeting with John - well, I asked, what was your original intention? To get to know him better, to deepen our working relationship - we don’t get to work on things together very much.

Tell me a story I offered. Tell me a story about you, your life anything you care to share. Tell me a story so I can know you better and we can share in stories that make us laugh about ourselves, empathize in our human experience and find our connection.

What is a story you’d like to tell? What is a story you’d like to hear?

I stood in the wind feeling my feet in my boots, my boots gripping the earth and the wind blowing me over. First from behind, then from the east and then a lull and just a breeze.

We hold fast in faith.

We met as a group of founders, formed by a friend in common. We shared a ‘forming story’ from our childhoods. Moments that defined who we later became. These are powerful ways to connect more deeply into a group that has agreed to come together for a purpose. A colleague has built a business on this concept of teaming - finding ways to create deeper connection to each other and then the work. Deeper connection is what withstands the normal challenges of teamwork.

My client is challenged by the lack of trust and healthy conflict on her executive team. Her question - how can we create a greater sense of ownership and accountability. These are generally the symptoms of a deeper issue. Lencioni in his book, Five Dysfunctions of a team, stacked the dysfunctions for a reason - trust, healthy conflict then accountability. I offered start with ‘go direct’ - building the daily habit of offering direct feedback and, more importantly, coaching those that come to you with feedback for someone else on how to offer feedback. Teach them the SBI or Radical candour model. Role play with them to build their confidence for the crucial conversation by asking for feedback yourself.

In hindsight, and when I speak with them next I will also offer a path to a deeper connection and a reminder to hold fast to their mission. This is the calling that unites them. They have all chosen to be in this mission-driven organization because of their belief in the impact to the community they serve. Finding ways to see each other in a new light, see their shared humanity so they can hold fast in the face of any challenge

What is your way to hold fast, to feel your feet in your boots and your boots gripping the earth?

Note: this photo and post was taken/written in November

I watched spider float with the wind She clearly had a goal in mind - a place to get to or connect to. Wind came in gusts and so there was a game of letting out the silk and dropping a long way down, then climbing back up to catch the next gust until she landed in the place she wanted to be. I watched a good long while not certain where she was really trying to go because I gave up before she did.

Most of us have goals, places we want to get to, things we want to accomplish a piece of the puzzle along the way to our Vision. Some days it can feel like we aren’t making any progress or certainly not fast enough Most of the CEOs or driven leaders I work with never feel like they’re moving fast enough or making enough progress - and so it shows up as seemingly insatiable drive to keep going a kind of tenacity that ensures success.

Spider has a knowing - a calm in the frenzy of the dance with the wind - she will get there she simply must be tenacious in the work of the path of the web.

Many of my clients don’t sound like they have a knowing - it’s often one of the things we talk about Reminding them how resilient and capable they are And we learn along the way - as we try, as we make strides - we learn what works and what doesn’t and that also helps us ensure we succeed.

What could a little more dancing and calm frenzied knowing do to serve your goal?

Mary had come over to visit, she had brought preserves mango salsa and salsa verde as well as home baked lemon blueberry muffins. I had made a farmer’s breakfast - eggs from my new friend Ramona, home-cured bacon and veggies from the Fall harvest. It was a good sharing of food, values and stories, one of my most favourite ways to spend time.

It made me the leader I am today she offered Her first ‘real’ job - the one after you’ve graduated and got your first opportunity to take on responsibilities and apply what you’ve learned. Mary was responsible for a large workforce in a complex environment in the health care space. Many complexities to deal with. Being the naturally courageous and mission driven person that she is, Mary took on several important portfolios Despite the size and complexity and age of the institution they still did not have employment contracts - they had a one page welcome letter. Mary took that on first. Then there was fair pay for time worked with a work force made up of at least 7 different categories from full time to contract and everything in between. She took these on with grace and grit - determined to get it ‘right’ and deliver value for the hospital and its front line workers. It’s a hard job in any environment but even more so when lives are actually on the line.

Mary knew when she was going to be fired, it was a calculated play. The CEO had recently been changed to one that was more of a ‘political’ move - an old timer that had risen the ranks within the institution. As such people underneath her were vying for position and clout. A new policy was being introduced by Mary’s new boss which she knew was not good for the hospital or the people. This was a defining moment, and the one that ultimately go her fired.

Cornered one day in the hallway by the new CEO, Mary was asked her thoughts about the policy and its impacts. She offered, in a fair and balanced way, the concerns she had. Not throwing anyone under the bus, she used her words carefully. It was not long after this conversation she was walked out of the building. Because of her wisdom and courage, Mary ensured that the open files she was working on were transferred to others well in advance of the ‘surprise’ exit, so that the good work she had started could be completed. Even how Mary handled her departure demonstrated her commitment to the organization and courage to do what was right. I resonated very much with this story, having a similar version of my own.

There are people that show up in our lives and we might wonder - who are you? What are we doing together? Is this a temporary or long term relationship? I generally prefer long term relationships. I like people and the people I like, it’s nice to know they will be part of my life for a long time to come. It doesn’t make my time with them less valuable - like no worries, I’ll see you again - it makes me appreciate them and their influence all the more. As these thoughts were visiting my mind listening intently to Mary’s story - Red cardinal came by to say Hey! Hey! Hey! Pay attention, this is important. And so I did - we said hello to Red Cardinal, we appreciated his visit and the reminder.

Later, I looked up what different cultures have to say about being visited upon by a Red cardinal and shared it with Mary - a symbol of hope and joy, positivity and good luck. Some cultures see them as a message from ‘heaven’ in positive ways - like a door between with blessings.

Is this a sign or a happenstance. ‘Noise’ or meaning.

We are the meaning makers, we get to choose

What do you choose?