This episode contains discussion around addiction, rehab, grooming, cuckoo'ing, and chemsex.
🎧 Join us for an incredibly honest and inspiring conversation with counsellor and campaigner Ben Kaye as he shares his remarkable journey from addiction and breakdown to becoming an award-winning therapist specialising in LGBTQ+ substance misuse and chemsex support.
This powerful episode reveals how life can completely change course twice - first when Ben's parents divorced at 15, derailing his university dreams, and again at 37 when a "tsunami of personal circumstances" led to his breakdown and recovery journey.
Hosted by:
Michaela McCarthy (Founder of The Awareness Centre, The Awareness Centre Training School, and Creator and Host of A Bunch of Therapists Podcast. Senior BACP Accredited Psychotherapist and Influential Leader) and Dipti Solanki (Therapist, Coach & Consultant, Mental Health Trainer and Founder of Grief Matters 4 All CIC).
In this compelling episode, Ben openly shares:
• How his parents' divorce at 15 changed his life trajectory overnight
• Working in the City for 20+ years whilst feeling completely stuck
• Using substances from age 15 to 37 as a way to change how he felt
• His mental breakdown at 37 and the dangerous situations he found himself in
• Walking through the doors of a Lambeth drug and alcohol service
• His transformative three months in rehab in Bournemouth
• Discovering he could retrain and pursue education for the first time since leaving school
• Launching Dorset's first LGBTQ+ recovery groups and chemsex support services
• Completing his counselling qualifications and psychology master's degree
This profoundly moving conversation offers hope and practical guidance for anyone struggling with addiction, identity, or feeling trapped in their circumstances.
🔍 Key Topics Discussed:
• The impact of family breakdown on teenage development
• Feeling stuck in careers that don't align with your true self
• Substance use as emotional regulation and escape
• The chemsex scene and its specific challenges
• Finding culturally competent therapeutic support
• The importance of being truly heard versus just listened to
• How personal struggles can inform professional specialisation
• Building LGBTQ+ specific services outside major cities
• The difference between MSM (men who have sex with men) and gay identity
• Practical advice on finding the right therapist
Chapters:
00:00 Intro
01:20 Parents' divorce and life derailment at 15
05:30 Working in the City and feeling stuck
09:00 Substance use as coping mechanism
09:32 Mental breakdown at 37
11:50 Accessing drug and alcohol services
13:10 Rehab experience in Bournemouth
13:30 Chemsex explanation
14:45 Rehab in Bournemouth
19:20 Mental Health & Being Believed
20:14 Working in Drug & Alcohol Services as an Addictions Therapist
20:29 Grooming & Cuckoo'ing
20:50 LGTBQI Specific Therapy
22:58 Training to Become a Counsellor
23:20 Volunteering at a Drug & Alcohol Charity
23:54 Launching the Charity's First LGBTQ Recovery Group
24:52 Creating a Chemsex Drop In Clinic
25:46 Launching the Charity's First LGBTQ Webchat Facility
26:20 Therapy Training & Psychology Masters
27:48 The Next Chapter in Ben's Journey & Returning to The Awareness Centre
28:57 Meeting Clients Where They Are
29:50 Shame Around Sex & Behaviours Around Sex and Finding The Right Therapist
31:16 Male Prison Population & MSM
32:12 Ben's Message to Listeners Who Are Struggling
32:40 Being Listened to vs. Feeling Heard
35:00 Outro
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