A Day at a Time Reflections

In the words of Teilhard de Chardin, "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience." Even though we acknowledge in theory that we are spiritual beings, most compulsive gamblers had to experience some sort of spiritual awakening before we were willing to turn our lives over to a Higher Power. It was then that we could finally say we were spiritual beings. For some of us, it was as though we had experienced spirituality for the first time in our lives. But, no matter what our spiritual base had been previously, once we discovered this new sense of spirituality, it became an experience and a feeling we would not soon be willing to leave behind.

Am I grateful for the "awakening" that has put me in touch with my Higher Power and with my own spiritual essence?

Today I Pray … May I not forget how my outlook toward life, myself, friends, loved ones, and God had deteriorated prior to coming to Gamblers Anonymous. May I do whatever it takes to keep my spiritual life from hitting bottom again. May I keep growing spiritually — a day at a time.

Today I Will Remember … Let my spirituality guide my humanity.

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The Gamblers Anonymous Red Book says: "The word spiritual can be said to describe those characteristics of the human mind that represent the highest and finest qualities, such as kindness, generosity, honesty, and humility. Inasmuch as the Gamblers Anonymous Fellowship advocates consideration of these principles as a way of life, it is said that ours is a spiritual fellowship." I have begun to understand that my spirituality has to do with my wholeness - the healthy congruency of truths, as I now perceive them, and my inner self.

Do I continue to strive for qualities that will bring me the greatest long term happiness?

Today I Pray … May I work toward taking into myself those "highest and finest qualities" that define my spiritual being. May I know the joys that come through living the GA way, until all life becomes a celebration shared especially with others who, like me, are trying to live up to these God-inspired principles.

Today I Will Remember … From spiritual holes to spiritually whole.

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The more self-searching we do, the more we realize how often we react negatively because our "pride has been hurt." Pride is at the root of most of my personal problems. When my pride is "hurt," for example, I almost invariably experience resentment and anger-sometimes to the point where I'm unable to talk or think rationally. When I'm in that sort of emotional swamp, I must remind myself that my pride and nothing but my pride has been injured. I have to pause and try to cool off until such time as I can evaluate the problem realistically.

When my pride is injured or threatened, will I pray for humility so that I can rise above myself?

Today I Pray … May I know that if my pride is hurt, the rest of me may not be injured at all. May I know that my pride can take a battering and still come back for more, stronger than ever. May I know that every time my pride takes a blow, it is liable to get more defensive, nastier, more unreasonable, more feisty. May I learn to keep my upstart pride in another place, where it will not be so easily hurt or so willing to take credit.

Today I Will Remember … Humility is the only authority over pride.

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Those whom I most respect in the Gamblers Anonymous Program - and, in turn, those from whom I've learned the most - seem convinced that pride is, as one person put it, the "root-sin." In moral theology, pride is the first of the seven deadly sins. It is also considered the most serious, standing apart from the rest by virtue of its unique quality. Pride gets right into our spiritual victories. It insinuates itself into all our successes and accomplishments, even when we attribute them to God.

Do I struggle against pride by working the Tenth Step regularly, facing myself freshly and making things right where they've gone wrong?

Today I Pray … May I be on guard constantly against the sneakiness of pride, which can creep into every achievement, every triumph, every reciprocated affection. May I know that whenever things are going well for me, my pride will be on the spot ready to take credit. May I watch for it.

Today I Will Remember …  Put pride in its place.

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The mystery of ego: painful when inflated and painful to deflate, often keeping me from wholeheartedly working the Gamblers Anonymous Program. Even armed with the truth, I too often fall back on the old, familiar ideas that led me to the edge of despair. It takes such work to shrink the ego, and sometimes it inflates without my knowing it. I always thought my gambling systems would work; they never did. I doubted GA would work; and it has one day at a time.

Am I willing, just for today, to release those old ideas and count on the GA way?

Today I Pray … May I know that a puffed-up ego is inappropriate for me as a recovering compulsive gambler. It hides my faults from me. It turns people off and gets in the way of my helping others. It halts my progress because it makes me think I've done enough self-searching and I'm "cured." I pray to my Higher Power that I may be realistic enough to accept my success in the GA Program without giving in to pride.

Today I Will Remember … Pride can halt progress.

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Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

Now that we have progressed through the first nine steps, we should be ready to maintain them with the last three steps. Each day, take an inventory. This inventory is for today only and it shows quite clearly if the day has been used wisely or not. The daily balance sheet will help you see personal growth as you realize that you are accomplishing things which you could not do before. This is a good feeling which gradually increases self-worth and self-esteem. Changing "love of self," a fantasy, to "self-love," is a reality.

In taking an inventory, look for personal growth, not perfection. For example, make a list containing five items you want to achieve. At night the inventory might reveal that you accomplished three. Be happy with three. Remember the many days, months and even years, when you tried to think of even one thing of a positive nature that you had done. Seek daily progress, not perfection. Growth may be slow and small, but be grateful for progress. The ability to cope is perhaps the most valuable reward which you will receive from the program. One no longer has to avoid a problem by ignoring or sidestepping the issue. With some problems, particularly at first, you may cope weakly. So what? Don't avoid responsibility, and as you cope on a daily basis, you will become more skillful. One day at a time becomes a lifetime. Some of us tend to be over achievers; we tend to take on tasks for which we are not yet ready. Either we are too new in the program to handle such a problem, or we are too ambitious. Take it easy, a little progress each day is a great reward. Perhaps two questions we might ask ourselves each day are these - Did I help another person today? Did I contribute to harmony in my world today? It is suggested that no major changes be made during the first two years of abstinence. The mental and emotional imbalance we brought to Gamblers Anonymous needs time to heal. After two years our thoughts are much clearer and success much more reachable. Abstinence combined with physical, mental and emotional healing will give us a logical ability to cope.

The second part of the step is sometimes more difficult. To promptly admit to being wrong means that one has become a little humble and that can rid oneself of deceit, arrogance, false pride and other character defects. If you can admit to being wrong right now, you are truly gaining a deeper insight into yourself. Freely admit the other party is right and being glad for them, even appreciating confrontation and constructive criticism is a giant step. This step and the two which follow, if done each day, will help maintain daily growth. Another view is that Steps One through Nine are never done and should be regularly repeated.

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When I'm motivated by pride - by bondage of self - I become partly or even wholly blind to my liabilities and shortcomings. At that point, the last thing I need is comfort. Instead, I need an understanding friend in the Gamblers Anonymous Program-a friend who'll unhesitatingly chop a hole through the wall my ego has built so that the light of reason can once again shine through.

Do I take time to review my progress, to spot-check myself on a daily basis, and to promptly try to remedy my wrongs?

Today I Pray … I pray that the group or just one friend will be honest enough to see my slippery manifestations of pride and brave enough to tell me about them. My self-esteem was starved for so long that, with my first successes in the GA Program, it may swell to the gross proportions of self-satisfaction. May a view from outside myself give me a true picture of how I am handling the triumph of my abstinence - with grateful humility or with pride.

Today I Will Remember … Self-esteem or self-satisfaction?

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Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

To make direct amends means making amends in person whenever possible. If miles apart makes such a meeting impossible, a phone call, perhaps followed by a letter, would fit the bill. In regard to the method you choose, the question one must ask is: Am I following the program and taking my lumps or seeking a softer, easier way? One must be satisfied in one's own heart that you did the harm and likewise you must be satisfied with the method chosen to make amends.

Which amend should be made first! Look back to Step 4 and it's quite possible that you have already made or started to make amends. Sometimes pressure makes this decision, although that may not be the best way. Loan sharks might scare you more than bookies, so you may react to fear and start with them, bookies may come next, then banks. Last may come friends and relatives because you don't fear them; in truth, they should probably bet first on your list except for a crime you've committed which may lead to court action and incarceration.

The solution to these questions may be found in an effective pressure relief group meeting. Usually amidst all the confusion, it will be suggested that each creditor be asked for a moratorium. This extra time will permit a chance for a pressure relief group meeting to be held and a course charted which will, in time, rid one of all the pressure of debts and bring manageability into the new way of life..

This pressure relief meeting can cover marital, legal and financial areas.

It is an objective approach - help will come from experienced people who once were in the same shoes. The success of such a get-together depends on complete openness, spouse's willingness to cooperate in the plan and continuing desire to follow the plan to the letter until completed. It is equally important that the single member also have a pressure relief group meeting. As one approaches those harmed, one may assume to know how they will react to the effort. Try not to predict their reactions, their reaction is not predictable. At this point, honesty is needed.

As long as this honesty is present, you can correctly present the harm and how you intend to try to make amends for this harm. One may be facing a long period of paying back debts; in some rare cases, perhaps, the task will take a lifetime. Remember, it took a long time gambling to get to this point and it may take a longer time to repay. Recovery from addiction is a lifetime process. These wrongs can be corrected by practicing the Steps in your daily life. One may hear in Gamblers Anonymous, "You must walk the way you talk" As one practices the Steps, personal growth will result and family will benefit. Abstaining from gambling, working the program and making amends, you will gradually return to society. Self-respect, so long absent, starts to return.

Making amends does not always mean just repaying. You may not have taken money from your in-laws. You might have treated them very poorly or with indifference- Also think about your fellow workers, teachers, neighbors, etc.

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Virtually all of us suffered the defect of pride when we sought help through the Program, the Twelve Steps, and the Fellowship of recovering compulsive gamblers who truly understood what we felt and where we had been. We learned about our shortcomings and of pride in particular-and began to replace self-satisfaction with gratitude for the miracle of our recovery, gratitude for the privilege of working with others, and gratitude for God's gift, which enabled us to turn catastrophe into growth and good fortune.

Have I begun to realize that "pride is to character as the attic is to the house the highest part, and generally the most empty"?

Today I Pray … God, please tell me if I am banging my shins on my own pride. Luckily for me, the Gamblers Anonymous Program has its own built-in check for flaws like this - the clear-eyed vision of the group, which sees in me what I sometimes cannot see myself. May I know that any kind of success has always gone straight to my head, and be watching for it as I begin to reconstruct my confidence.

Today I Will Remember … Smug "success" can become a setback.

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I never cease to be amazed at how appropriate the topic at meetings I attend seems to be in relation to my life at that particular time. We can only become students in the presence of a teacher-and when a student becomes ready, a teacher will appear. We can only learn if we are being taught, and we can only teach after we learn. I have come to realize that, although God is the greatest teacher of them all, most often we learn from others He has taught.

Do I learn when I listen? Do I share what I learn?

Today I Pray … May I not forget those all-important lessons learned in Gamblers Anonymous. In GA we are all students, and we are all teachers. May I know that if I do not continue to learn, it may be because I'm not willing to be a student. If I am not sharing, it may be that I need to be open to more learning.

Today I Will Remember … If I remain teachable, I will continue to find teachers.

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