A Satisfied Mind

The past couple of episodes have generated the most responses of all, they certainly appear to have struck a chord. Each of the comments and emails fall into one of two themes, people are saying:

1. "I can totally relate, this is is my experience too! I just didn't have the words to describe it."
2. "What do I do next? I know I need to make a change but feel trapped and don't know where to begin"

Me too. This past 12 months has been a conscious decoupling from my identity and a commitment to reconditioning and redefining what success looks like, for me.  Covid and the forced shutdown and isolation was the catalyst and it's been a turning point in my life as it has for everyone.

The question is, "What am I turning towards?"

There's something quite unique about asking these questions, diving into shadow and embracing potential and possibility at this time, I'm 45. Going through this questioning stage of mid-life at a time when the entire world seems to be doing the same kind of reckoning is a powerful combination.

For me, it's been an incredible catalyst for change. I would normally say it's long overdue change but the truth is, the timing is perfect, it always is. And so now, I live a life more aligned to my values, I live and act with greater integrity and I live in alignment with my purpose. Most of the time. I'm a work in progress as we all are. 

As a teacher (and student) for over 20 years, I've learned a few things along the way through experience. And that's what I share in this program.

The Mid Life Crisis Survival Guide

It's 12 weeks, 12 modules, 12 lessons. 3 months to transform you life, or at least survive this crisis. There are three options to get involved.

1. Keep listening to this podcast and subscribe to this newsletter and I'll share an overview of each lesson for the next 12 weeks. Subscribe here.

1. Join us in a group coaching program where we apply the lessons via weekly challenges. This will be a 1hr live zoom call weekly with live coaching and Q&A as well as a Slack workspace to support your transformation and build. community. Register to join this group here. 

1. Work with me 1:1 and go all-in. We'll work together each week and adapt the program to suit you and your needs now. You'll get to know yourself in a way you've never understood before, you'll gain greater clarity on how you got here, why you're here and what your purpose is now. This really is a life-changing experience and only for those who are ready to transform - we go beyond just surviving or thriving, this is about radical self-awareness and fully embodied expression of you, your gifts and your purpose in this world. Apply to do this work here. 

Until next week, take care and be kind to yourself, and each other. 

Lotsa love,

Mikey

This conversation is a follow up to Ep. 65 where I talked about decoupling from your old identity.

This is what happens after you take the leap, after your departure from all that you know. 

This is The Waiting Place and it's your initiation. 

It can be pretty brutal, I hope these lessons learned help you though. 

This is one of those 'so much easier said than done' episodes - decoupling and letting go.

Truth is however, if we want to create something new – a new experience, a new way of life, a new way of being... we need to create space. And we create space by letting go.

That's the 'easier said' bit. The hard part, is the process of letting go and what that brings up. Fear, so much fear! Frustration, disillusionment, resentment, uncertainty... it's a minefield of fears to navigate.

But go there we must.

This episode I explore what that process has been like for me. I hope it helps you as you continue to let go, and learn to swim.

For more discussion and resources on this topic, subscribe to the good newsletter. I put my heart and soul into, it if you like the podcast you're going to love the newsletter.

Subscribe here.

Lotsa love,

Mikey

This is a fascinating question to ask yourself.  Take note of the subtle distinction however – I'm not talking about what others require of you, but what is required of you, by you.

What do you need to be doing right now? What does your body require of you, what does your heart require of you? Do you need to stop, to start, to rest, to let go, to launch something, to create, to sleep? Do you need to step up and speak up? Do you need to step back and listen?

This requires a couple of things. Firstly, an awareness of your current experience in the moment. Secondly, it requires some self awareness - how are you actually feeling and what do you need to do to honour these feelings and the process of experiencing them in a way that's best for you?

I mentioned the poem 'Let's Dance' in this episode. You can find the words here and the podcast of me reciting it here.

And if you haven't already, sign up to my newsletter – it will make your day.

Cheers,

Mikey

If you've ever wanted to write, create, make, do, build or launch something and have been too [insert fear here] to do it, you're going to love this book.

The last book summary episode I did was the most popular of all the podcast episodes to date,  apparently the format is resonating. So here's another one! 

When Seth Godin writes, I read. He has a unique ability to make complex concepts concise and he understands and communicates contemporary culture and its challenges so well. His latest book, The Practice is brilliant - I dare you to read it and to not only be inspired to create something that matters, but to get started immediately. 

In this summary I share quotes and highlights from the book, including topics such as:

• Imposter Syndrome
• Perfectionism
• Finding Purpose, Your Voice, Your Passion
• Doing Work that Matters
• Minimum Viable Impact
• Being an Agent for Change
• Finding Your Audience

And so, much, more.

I recorded this 'in the wild' so audio quality is a little different to usual but I reckon you're going to love this one as much as I enjoyed creating it.

Here's a link to Seth's blog and this book.

Lotsa Love,

Mikey

As far as email subject lines go, this one from Ester Perel grabbed my attention – 'Questions that meet people where they are now'.  I've learned so much from Ester regarding relationships (much of what I've learned is how much I have to learn, and unlearn) and so I read everything she shares.

This email contained a list of questions to 'meet people where they are now' and there was one that stood out for me, which is the the question for this episode. This past 12 months has changed everything for everyone and so too has our definitions of success changed, or are least they're changing.

Mine certainly has. How about you?



For more on Ester Perel's work click here.

Follow me on Clubhouse @mikeyellis for more thoughtful conversations. 

Please subscribe to this podcast, share it with friends, share the love. We need it. 

In this episode I try something different. It's not quite a book review, nor is it just a summary. I share plenty of quotes and passages from the book with the intention to provoke thought and stimulate discussion.

This is one of the best books I’ve read on personal development, growth, emotional awareness and generally understanding yourself and how you relate. Reflecting on it while recording this podcast I was reminded just how important this education is right now. And how much this has positively impacted my life at a time when I really need the support and perspective such fundamental truths provide.

I read at least a book a week on these topics and have done for 20 years, and if I was to recommend one book to read, it’s this. I take notes in all books I read and for this one, every second line was highlighted, some were double underlined with brackets, an asterisk and dog eared pages.

In this podcast I work though the five sections of the book and share the passages that resonated for me and I also share why they resonated, we get personal on this one.

Below are the sections and times at which I discuss certain topics if you want to skip ahead – it's a long one but I reckon it's worth a couple of hours of your time.

Here's a link to  Alain de Botton's website and a link to  The School of Life.

The School of Life YouTube channel has plenty of short videos explaining many of these topics - it's brilliant, check it out. But beware, you'll easily lose a few hours in there!

Chapter Markers

0:02:00 – Intro to the book and author bio

0:08:20 – How I came to this book (a little bit of personal context setting)

0:13:30 – The introduction. Sane Insanity and In Praise of Melancholy 

0:19:30 – The School of Life

0:21:10 – Self

0:29:30 – The Importance of a Breakdown

0:38:00 – Others 

0:55:20 – A Case for Pessimism (from a recovering naive romantic idealist)

0:57:15 – Vulnerability

0:58:30 – Building Connection (with a hug, a cry or glass of milk), and Listening

1:01:30 – More on Pessimism and Disappointment as a Leisure Activity

1:04:45 – Anxiety 

1:09:40 – On the Need to be Alone and Nature as a Teacher

1:14:20 – Relationships and the Failings of Romanticism

1:18:25 – A Post-Romantic Approach to Relationships and Finding a Partner

1:22:30 – How to Know You’re Ready for a Relationship

1:25:15 – Anxious and Avoidant Attachment Styles 

1:33:00 – Conversation Starters to Build Connection in Relationships 

1:33:45 – Why we Argue

1:36:50 – Marriage

1:40:10 – Work 

1:43:00 – Culture

1:44:40 – Wisdom


Michael Bungay-Stanier – 'The Coaching Habit' and 'The Advice Trap'

Esther Perel – 'The State of Affairs'

To subscribe to this podcast or leave a review, please do so here. 

One of the all time great questions this one. In fact it's more of a statement starter than a question.

What if...?

It's what comes after this is where the gold is. It challenges our beliefs or presumptions, it opens up possibility.  Enjoy indulging in imagination, in potential, in possibilities...



I mentioned a Seth Godin blog post in this episode - here it is.

To subscribe to podcast episodes and blog posts, simply click here.

To leave a review, please do so here. 

Cheers,

Michael 

It's a couple of weeks into the new year. Do you have big goals, visions and dreams for how you might start? 

New year, same you? Yep, me too. 

If you're feeling a bit disillusioned already, this episode might help. We talk about the current reality v expectation contrast and how that's messing with your flow. I share a few resources with links below to approaches that might help with 

• Goal setting (that works)
• Finding your word for the year (that's sustainable)
• Connecting with others who are sharing a similar experience (that's challenging)

I hope this helps by providing some perspective for you.

Lots of love,

Mikey


Mark Manson's - The surprising science of goal setting and why you’re probably doing it wrong.

Dr Jason Fox's - 'Choose One Word', ritual for becoming.

James Clear's - Atomic Habits (great resource for behaviour change and habit building).

Happy New Year. 

There’s no question to answer no lessons to learn, no year to reflect upon. I know you’re all doing that already in your own way. 

And there’s no resolutions to make, no goals to set, no declarations of massive change to make. 

Instead, just a pause, to acknowledge this present moment. For who you are right now, in this present moment, for all that you’ve become and are, now, for all that you are already, for all you are to be. 

What I want to say here now, is that if you are listening to this, thank you. Thank you for sharing the most precious of commodities, your time and attention with me and this community that is fast growing, a conscious community of others just like you and me committed to being better, to doing better, to fearing less and loving more through cultivating self awareness and perhaps even a more satisfied mind. 

For now, as one year ends and a new one begins, if possible set aside the weight of expectations, set aside the innate desire to do better next year, let go of that which you regret or wished you had’ve done differently last year. For all  that you’ve lost, for that which you’re grieving, for that which you’re celebrating, the best way to acknowledge it all is to simply be with it all in this present moment, to inhale, to pause, to exhale and to pause. 

To bear witness to the truth and the beauty inherent in this moment, in you, to wonder at the perfection of it all, including the uncertainty, the tragedy, the triumphs, the loss and the lessons. To wonder at it all. To inhale, pause, exhale, pause. 

And repeat.

And continue. 

You’re doing a great job. 

You’re here, you made it. You won. 

And on it goes.