EPISODE 62 – DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS

SO MUCH IS HAPPENING! We have a new website (https://www.absoluteworstpodcast.com/), Sarah has a new microphone and AWP has stickers!!!

We start Episode 62 with a birthday message to an anonymous listener who is going through a lot. You can see the full message on our Instagram!

We kick off the Absolute Worst Feedback section with an email from Alison’s former boss who is still telling her what to do. We then get the 500th email asking why Dana calls her husband by his full name. We literally built a brand-new website solely to address this question. Please click on the FAQ section and find out for yourself!

Afterwards, the feedback continues and we finally receive some positive reinforcement — first, from a Dana fan and then from a woman mere moments away from having a baby!

We then get an update from a listener who originally submitted a question in Episode 51. Her original question about her brother garnered a lot of feedback so after her update, we hear from another listener who has words to say.

During the Absolute Worst Therapy section we answer the age-old question, “will a man marry you after he’s fucked you?” We also meet a woman whose mother is ruining her relationship. Dana and Alison wildly disagree on how to handle this situation.

We end with an Absolute Yourst from one of our favorite listeners, The Milk Bag Intern.

Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

**NOTE**

If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders.

In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

EPISODE 62 – DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS

SO MUCH IS HAPPENING! We have a new website (https://www.absoluteworstpodcast.com/), Sarah has a new microphone and AWP has stickers!!!

We start Episode 62 with a birthday message to an anonymous listener who is going through a lot. You can see the full message on our Instagram!

We kick off the Absolute Worst Feedback section with an email from Alison’s former boss who is still telling her what to do. We then get the 500th email asking why Dana calls her husband by his full name. We literally built a brand-new website solely to address this question. Please click on the FAQ section and find out for yourself!

Afterwards, the feedback continues and we finally receive some positive reinforcement — first, from a Dana fan and then from a woman mere moments away from having a baby!

We then get an update from a listener who originally submitted a question in Episode 51. Her original question about her brother garnered a lot of feedback so after her update, we hear from another listener who has words to say.

During the Absolute Worst Therapy section we answer the age-old question, “will a man marry you after he’s fucked you?” We also meet a woman whose mother is ruining her relationship. Dana and Alison wildly disagree on how to handle this situation.

We end with an Absolute Yourst from one of our favorite listeners, The Milk Bag Intern.

Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

**NOTE**

If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders.

In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

During the Absolute Worst Feedback section of Episode 61, we hear from a woman who is proud to call herself our stalker! Keep up the good work, sister! We also meet a hairy babe and a woman who wants to offer her condolences to another listener who got some gel stuck in the wrong hallway. We then get additional bra suggestions and in our biggest moment of glory to date, we help a woman orgasm…literally.

During the Absolute Worst Therapy section we try to help a listener combat bigotry. Pretty sure we solved homophobia! We then hear from a woman who is having legit daddy issues. Finally, we visit a dual-uterus household trying to determine whether or not to have a second child. EASY! We fix this super simple problem as well.

We end Episode 61 with an Absolute Yourst that proves true love exists in the form of a leftover bag of coke.

Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

**NOTE**
If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. 

In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

During the Absolute Worst Feedback section of Episode 61, we hear from a woman who is proud to call herself our stalker! Keep up the good work, sister! We also meet a hairy babe and a woman who wants to offer her condolences to another listener who got some gel stuck in the wrong hallway. We then get additional bra suggestions and in our biggest moment of glory to date, we help a woman orgasm…literally.

During the Absolute Worst Therapy section we try to help a listener combat bigotry. Pretty sure we solved homophobia! We then hear from a woman who is having legit daddy issues. Finally, we visit a dual-uterus household trying to determine whether or not to have a second child. EASY! We fix this super simple problem as well.

We end Episode 61 with an Absolute Yourst that proves true love exists in the form of a leftover bag of coke.

Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

**NOTE**
If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. 

In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Immediately prior to Episode 60, Dana Tommy-boyed a stranger’s car, left a note, and we then fled the scene. We’re clearly great examples of strong, capable women who should be helping you with your problems!

During the feedback section we get even more responses re Canadian milkbags, central vacs, and wanting to know if we have long-lost relatives.

Despite an overwhelming lack of evidence that we’re not qualified, we then answer some listener questions during our Absolute Worst Therapy section. We begin by determining the best form of exercise for pregnant women who have to pee all the time. We also try to figure out the most effective way to cultivate rich friends. WHERE ARE ALL THE RICH PEOPLE?!

Episode 60 inexplicably ends with a lot of talk about plastic surgery.

Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

**NOTE**
If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. 

In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

Immediately prior to Episode 60, Dana Tommy-boyed a stranger’s car, left a note, and we then fled the scene. We’re clearly great examples of strong, capable women who should be helping you with your problems!

During the feedback section we get even more responses re Canadian milkbags, central vacs, and wanting to know if we have long-lost relatives.

Despite an overwhelming lack of evidence that we’re not qualified, we then answer some listener questions during our Absolute Worst Therapy section. We begin by determining the best form of exercise for pregnant women who have to pee all the time. We also try to figure out the most effective way to cultivate rich friends. WHERE ARE ALL THE RICH PEOPLE?!

Episode 60 inexplicably ends with a lot of talk about plastic surgery.

Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

**NOTE**
If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. 

In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

This week’s guest is Fortune Feimster! You may recognize Fortune from Last Comic Standing, Chelsea Lately, and The Mindy Project. She is also a hilarious stand-up! Check out her website for tour dates! http://www.fortunefeimster.com/

In Episode 59 we discuss being a failure, coming out, and CraigsList murders.

During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we try to figure out the best way to ditch a family member. We also discuss lust versus love and try to determine if it’s ok for our friends to date our siblings. Finally, Alison fixes all of Fortune’s problems in the form of Scottsdale, AZ.

Fortune ends Episode 59 with an Absolute Yourst that reminds us why exercising is dumb.

Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

**NOTE**
If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. 

In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

This week’s guest is Fortune Feimster! You may recognize Fortune from Last Comic Standing, Chelsea Lately, and The Mindy Project. She is also a hilarious stand-up! Check out her website for tour dates! http://www.fortunefeimster.com/

In Episode 59 we discuss being a failure, coming out, and CraigsList murders.

During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we try to figure out the best way to ditch a family member. We also discuss lust versus love and try to determine if it’s ok for our friends to date our siblings. Finally, Alison fixes all of Fortune’s problems in the form of Scottsdale, AZ.

Fortune ends Episode 59 with an Absolute Yourst that reminds us why exercising is dumb.

Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

**NOTE**
If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. 

In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

In Episode 58, Alison and Dana continue with their attempts to solve the world’s problems despite their own inabilities to successfully take a pregnancy test and/or not gnaw through a mouthguard.

We kick off this episode with a throwback to Alison’s pooslution that involves a driver’s seat with a toilet on it. #brilliant. We also hear from a woman whose life we changed? We then get a suggestion about how to keep our tits out of our laps and then another listener demands that we break her anonymity.

During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we answer some questions about what one should wear to a wedding…DEFINITELY NOT WHITE, YOU DUMB MORONS!!! We also try to figure out if it’s appropriate to take a family vacation without your husband and then we try to decide if another listener is in love with her alcoholic stalker.

We end this episode with an Absolute Yourst that’s either pornographic or murderous. We can’t decide!

Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

**NOTE**
If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. 

In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/

In Episode 58, Alison and Dana continue with their attempts to solve the world’s problems despite their own inabilities to successfully take a pregnancy test and/or not gnaw through a mouthguard.

We kick off this episode with a throwback to Alison’s pooslution that involves a driver’s seat with a toilet on it. #brilliant. We also hear from a woman whose life we changed? We then get a suggestion about how to keep our tits out of our laps and then another listener demands that we break her anonymity.

During the Absolute Worst Therapy section, we answer some questions about what one should wear to a wedding…DEFINITELY NOT WHITE, YOU DUMB MORONS!!! We also try to figure out if it’s appropriate to take a family vacation without your husband and then we try to decide if another listener is in love with her alcoholic stalker.

We end this episode with an Absolute Yourst that’s either pornographic or murderous. We can’t decide!

Alison and Dana ALWAYS want to hear your problems, advice, feedback and Absolute Yoursts! You can contact them through their website, friend them on Facebook, or follow them on Instagram and Twitter.

**NOTE**
If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone, is free, and confidential. See website for additional crisis services and hotlines. Online chat services provided as well at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Eating Disorder Association is a great resource: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/types-symptoms-eating-disorders. 

In order to learn about the different types of abuse that occur in unhealthy relationships and receive help while remaining anonymous, you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline here: (800) 799−7233 and http://www.thehotline.org/resources/victims-and-survivors/