May 25, 2025

Accepting Impermanence Through Grief - Dave Richo

53 minutes

What role does grief play in our understanding of impermanence?

Dave Richo opens with the foundational Buddhist concept of impermanence, reminding us that everything—relationships, beliefs, identities—changes and ends. Drawing on teachings from Zen master Dogen, Dave shares how impermanence is not a flaw but actually embodies our Buddha nature. In this light, change becomes not just acceptable but sacred. Dogen's view that “the very impermanence of all things is Buddha nature” grounds Dave’s message that resisting change only leads to suffering, while embracing it opens us to enlightenment. This sets the stage for grief—not as something to avoid—but as a crucial practice that helps us process endings.

Dave outlines grief as a healthy psychological response to impermanence, made up of three core emotions:

Sadness – letting ourselves feel the weight of the loss;
Anger – facing the unfairness or hurt of what changed;
Fear – acknowledging anxiety about what’s next.

He gently encourages us to face these with vulnerability rather than ego. Grief, when shared and expressed authentically, becomes a path to depth and personal growth. Using stories, metaphors like the “freeze frame” and “landing strip,” and even mystical quotes from Meister Eckhart, Dave weaves a poignant picture: everything is meant to be lost—not as punishment, but as a clearing for our true, unburdened self to emerge.

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David Richo, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, writer, and workshop leader. He shares his time between Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California. Dave combines psychological and spiritual perspectives in his work. His latest book is Ready: How to Know When to Go and When to Stay (Shambhala, 2022). The website for books, talks, and events is http://www.davericho.com.

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