Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills
Interpersonal Effectiveness
Presented by: Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes
Executive Director, AllCEUs
Objectives
~ Define interpersonal effectiveness
~ Identify barriers to interpersonal effectiveness
~ Examine the goals of interpersonal effectiveness
~ Review techniques for improving interpersonal effectiveness
~ Interpersonal effectiveness is the ability to ask for what you want and say no to unwanted requests
~ Goals
~ Get others to do things you want them to do
~ Get others to take you seriously
~ Effectively say no to unwanted requests
~ Strengthen current relationships
~ Find and build new relationships
~ End hopeless relationships
~ Create and maintain balance
~ Balance acceptance and change
Barriers
~ Lack of effective communication skills
~ Lack of clarity about what you want from others
~ Difficulty balancing your needs and the other person’s needs
~ Emotions get in the way
~ You sacrifice long term goals for short term relief/urges
~ Other people get in the way
~ Other people are more powerful than you
~ Need for external validation
~ Beliefs that you don’t deserve what you want
~ Clarify priorities…How important is
~ Getting what you want
~ What, exactly, do you want, and how can the other person provide this.
~ Feel better
~ Fix it
~ Know you will never leave
~ Keeping the relationship
~ Maintaining your self-respect
~ Describe in specific, objective terms
~ Express feelings and opinions using “I” statements
~ Assert
~ Ask for what you want
~ Don’t expect mind reading
~ Reinforce by explaining the benefits to the other person ahead of time
DEAR MAN
~ Mindfulness
~ Stay focused on your goal
~ Ignore diversion techniques-blaming, magnification, justification or switching topics
~ Appear confident in verbal and nonverbal behavior
~ Negotiate
~ Offer and ask for other solutions
~ Compromise
~ Say no but offer alternatives
Keeping Relationships- GIVE
~ Gentle—No attacks, threats, manipulation, judging (should, shouldn’t, moralizing), no sneering, smirking, eye rolling, name calling
~ Interested
~ Listen
~ Pay attention to nonverbals (yours and theirs)
~ Maintain eye contact
~ Try to unhook from your emotions
Keeping Relationships- GIVE
~ Validate
~ Pay attention
~ Reflect back
~ Pay attention to what is not being said
~ Understand how the other person’s reactions and thoughts make sense based on their past and present
~ Acknowledge the valid
~ Show equality treating the other person as an equal not as fragile, incompetent or domineering
~ Easy manner
Keeping Self-Respect– FAST
~ Fair to yourself and the other person (validate both of your feelings)
~ Apologies
~ Don’t apologize for your feelings or opinions
~ Don’t invalidate the valid
~ Stick to your values
~ Truthfulness
~ Don’t lie, exaggerate or make up excuses
Asking for Something or Saying No
Asking for Something or Saying No
~ Points to Consider
~ Capability of either person to deliver
~ Does it relate to a high or low priority goal?
~ How will it impact your self respect to say or take no?
~ What are each person’s rights and values in the situation?
~ What type of relationship do you have with the person
~ What is the effect of your action on your long-te