Send us a text

What if the most loving thing we can do for our kids isn’t to fix their pain, but to guide them through it? We sit down with Isaac Etter—transracial adoptee, educator, and founder of Identity and Parenting Different—to unpack what adoptees actually need: honest stories, practical preparation, and communities that make belonging real.

Isaac shares how identity often splits in two for adoptees: Who am I in a family where no one looks like me, and how does my race shape my daily experience? He names a trio many families miss—loss, grief, and guilt—and explains why guilt is so common when adoptees fear disappointing loving parents with honest questions. We dig into how parents can move from protection to preparation in transracial homes, offering concrete examples for talking about bias, public behavior, and safety without making the world feel hopeless. From Nerf guns in the front yard to being followed in a store, Isaac gives language to help kids understand what happened, know where we stand, and feel safe coming back to talk more.

We also map an age-appropriate path for lifelong conversations about race and adoption. Start early with everyday affirmation—books, toys, hair care, and mentors that reflect your child—and build toward practical scripts for school, friends, and authority. Belonging grows when the whole family participates in diverse communities, cultural festivals, and routines that normalize the child’s heritage. And when it comes to birth stories, we talk about sharing truth in stages—without vilifying or hiding—so kids carry a coherent narrative into adulthood.

Looking for ongoing support? Isaac’s work with Identity and Parenting Different brings post-adoption training and free resources to families, agencies, and states. Listen for the frameworks and scripts we use at home, then share the episode with someone who needs it. If this helped you, subscribe, leave a review, and tell us: what’s one conversation you’ll start this week?

Link: https://www.parentingdifferent.com/

Connect with me on Instagram:
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/