Foster Parent Well

Trauma-informed care isn’t a better behavior chart. It’s a whole new way of seeing what’s happening underneath the behavior in the body, the brain, and the nervous system and it changes how we parent the moment we truly get it.

We sit down with Dana Hargus, a mental health counselor with 25 years of experience and the founder of Biofeedback and Counseling and Restore of Ada. Dana explains why so many foster and adoptive kids don’t need “more discipline” first, they need regulation and felt safety. We talk about what constant transitions and multiple placements do to a child’s trust, why correction without connection backfires, and how expecting gratitude from kids who are grieving can quietly break attachment. Along the way, we connect the dots between trauma, fight flight freeze, developmental delays, and the real-life moments that push parents into reactivity and burnout.

Dana also walks us through biofeedback (neurofeedback) in plain language: what it is, how it works, and why it can help with anxiety, rage, sleep issues, PTSD symptoms, and chronic stress by training the brain toward calmer patterns. We dig into the Restore of Ada model and why a whole-person approach matters, including gut health, toxins, heart rate variability, and practical nervous system supports that don’t require perfection. You’ll leave with doable next steps like grounding, morning sunlight, hydration, protein, breathing, and building one sustainable habit at a time.

If you’ve been looking for trauma-informed parenting tools that actually match what your child’s nervous system can handle, this conversation will give you a clearer lens and real hope. Subscribe, share this with a foster or adoptive parent who needs it, and leave a review so more families can find this support.

Dana's Links:
Restore of Ada: https://restoreofada.com/
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/restoreofada
Instagram: https://instagram.com/restoreofada

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“Would you please hold her until she dies?” That question stopped us in our tracks, and it’s where Judy Wright’s story begins. Judy and her husband foster for 12 years, welcome 55 babies, and think they’ve seen it all, until a two-month-old leaves the NICU weighing four pounds with intense medical needs and an uncertain future. What follows is a raw look at medically fragile foster care, where love and skill have to grow side by side, sometimes on no sleep and with a lot of fear.

We walk through what it actually takes to bring a fragile infant home: learning monitors, preparing for CPR, doing glucometer checks, and giving insulin injections to a tiny baby. Judy also shares the emotional side that foster parents don’t always say out loud, the tension of nurturing attachment while also doing painful but necessary care, and the steady faith that carries her through the hardest nights.

Then the story turns into a masterclass in foster parent advocacy. Judy notices patterns others dismiss, pushes for donated breast milk, finds a pediatrician willing to think outside the box, and watches dramatic changes unfold. The medical mystery deepens with a discovery that reshapes everything: Jaden is born with no pancreas. We also talk about trauma-informed care, medical trauma in the NICU, and why foster and adoptive parents often become the most accurate experts on a child’s “normal.”

We end with permanency, adoption transition, and what it looks like when adults choose the child’s best interest over their own comfort. If you’ve ever wondered whether you could handle a high-needs placement, or you’re in the thick of it right now, this conversation will give you language, courage, and hope. Subscribe, share with a foster parent friend, and leave a review to help more families find this support. What’s one area where you need courage to advocate today?

JUDY WRIGHT:

Alongside her late husband, John, Judy Wright fostered fifty-five children over twelve years, many of them medically fragile. Their home became a place where readiness was ordinary: bassinets carried up in the night, doctor visits folded into the week, and children held without any promise of what would happen next.

The work brought her inside hospitals, courtrooms, case plans, and the daily realities of caring for children whose lives were already marked by instability, medical trauma, and loss. In 2012, she and John were named Michigan Foster Parents of the Year by the Michigan Supreme Court.

She did not set out to become a writer. She became one because some things she witnessed could not go unwritten. Just Hold Her drawn from the spiral notebooks she kept during one child’s long medical vigil, is her debut memoir.

The memoir came later. The work of staying came first.

Judy speaks to foster, medical, and faith-aware communities about presence, caregiving, and the courage required to remain available.

Book: https://justholdher.com/

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We talk with foster parent and pediatric physical therapist Dr. Trevor Carlson about why early childhood development still affects our kids long after infancy. We walk through practical milestone windows, red flags, and simple ways we can help our kids build skills with hope and clarity. 
• Why missed early milestones can show up later in regulation and connection 
• When to talk with the pediatrician and ask about early intervention 
• How to describe concerns when we do not have a full history 
• Gross motor milestones to watch from rolling to walking 
• Why crawling varies and what it can support later 
• How prenatal drug exposure can affect brain arousal and sleep 
• The difference between physical therapy and occupational therapy 
• Clues that suggest a neurological issue, including asymmetry 
• Why parent education and everyday play drive progress 
• Where to find Dr. Carlson’s book, blog, email, and milestone checklist 
Would you just take a minute to leave a review wherever you listen?

 Baby Movement Milestones: A Simple Guide for Foster Parents to my website. 

infantpt.com/fosterparentwell

Dr.Trevor Carlson:

[email protected]

www.infantpt.com

Dr.Carlson's Book:

https://www.amazon.com/Tummy-Time-Walking-Building-Foundation/dp/B0DRK3WG5Z?crid=AR92ASCKUFH5&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.51VlWH4zo3jSb2t4Mp3AKkwRnypcnRupeEwusdu8T9zhG6V-Uz5V8EngEDZ4duPoMlLFu3QDLahu4074wKTfib_FVi1F7OrrlWLCc0W-5qbamSVidgVuwV1vW--LtIBN_4l2GKLNaPfbrOzD-_D0MH40MkejBfVIj7CmjIpXRosuMOCffjC6pwVGG6al5tv4C5oJFYM9dOgqAxsstHbeIe_9IRkaohF1iAzhOU9L4ns.wTqjbg1EPHmN-0xOa2T03T0F0cWr-5r2MzeCWAPSt1U&dib_tag=se&keywords=tummy+time+to+walking+book&qid=1737383341&sprefix=tummy+time+to+walking,aps,185&sr=8-1&linkCode=sl1&tag=tummytimetowa-20&linkId=e3537184621b4a7be8126c6bd7b4beb0&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl

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We talk through what it really takes to advocate for foster and adoptive kids at school without turning every meeting into a battle. We share a trauma-informed lens for reading behavior, partnering with teachers, and building plans that support nervous systems instead of rewarding or punishing survival responses. 
• why back-to-school transitions hit trauma-impacted kids harder 
• Jennifer’s adoption story and how TBRI reshaped her parenting and school work 
• the Four Rs of trauma-informed care and what “trauma-told” looks like 
• why systems protect systems and how teacher constraints affect support 
• fight flight freeze fawn fib as stress signals, not character flaws 
• why home and school can see different behaviors from the same child 
• co-regulation ideas to share with school staff and what to ask for 
• scaffolding safe alternatives for unsafe behaviors without being permissive 
• how progress often shows up as proximity frequency duration before intensity 
• compassion fatigue in both parents and educators and how gratitude helps 

Before we go, make sure you check the show notes for all the links that Jennifer mentioned today. 

And hey, if you missed last week's episode on transition, go back and give it a listen.

TBRI:  https://child.tcu.edu/tbri/ 

TBRI Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-tbri-podcast/id1566206875 

Empowered to Connect: https://empoweredtoconnect.org/ 

Empowered to Connect Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/empowered-to-connect-podcast/id1522355545 

Robyn Gobbel: https://robyngobbel.com/ 

The Baffling Behavior Show: https://robyngobbel.com/podcast/ 

Dr Lori Desautels: https://revelationsineducation.com/ 

Connect with me on Instagram:     
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/

On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 

Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

The fastest way to turn a peaceful day into chaos is a simple transition: shoes on, screens off, cleanup time, bedtime. For foster parents and adoptive families, those small pivots can hit like a tidal wave, and it’s easy to wonder why a child who seems “fine” suddenly spirals. We’re opening season four with a practical, hope-filled conversation on transitions and why trauma makes change feel so hard. 

Dr. Brandy-Lea McCombs joins us with deep experience in education and trauma strategies, plus her own perspective as an adoptive mom. Together, we unpack what’s happening in the brain during transitions, including executive function demands and the role of the prefrontal cortex when kids have lived through stress, chaos, and loss of control. We also talk honestly about holidays, moves, school routines, and the long arc of growing up when a child’s developmental age doesn’t match the number on their birthday. 

You’ll walk away with concrete, trauma-informed parenting tools you can use right away: pre-talk that doesn’t overwhelm, side-by-side “walk and talk” conversations, visual supports like calendars and checklists, countdowns and timers that build trust, predictable routines, color coding, and night-before prep to make mornings calmer. We also explore how to slowly scaffold independence without stripping away the supports that help kids succeed, and how faith can live alongside science when we’re setting expectations for obedience and regulation. 

If this helped you, subscribe, share it with a foster or adoptive parent who needs steadier days, and leave a review so more families can find this support.

Ways to connect with Brandy:

Email: [email protected]  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/stl234/

Connect with me on Instagram:     
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/

On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 

Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

Foster care is one of those topics people say they care about until the details feel too heavy. That’s exactly why I wanted this conversation with Dr. John DeGarmo and Jen Lilley to be unfiltered, practical, and full of hope, because foster parenting is hard, kids in care are real, and vague inspiration is not enough when a placement call comes at 10:30 at night. John brings decades of foster care advocacy and training, and Jen brings the raw, lived experience of fostering and adoption while raising kids and using her public platform to shine a light on child welfare.

We talk about their book, Call to Foster: An Honest Guide to Getting Started, and who it’s for: the person quietly wondering “Could I do this?”, the foster parent on the edge of burnout, and the social worker who needs a resource that tells the truth without scaring good people away. We name the myths that hurt families, especially the “you must be a superhero” narrative, and why it can pile on shame when you’re already stretched thin. We also dig into why awareness equals advocacy, how trauma impacts kids for years, and why this work deserves urgency in every community.

Faith is woven through the conversation in a way that stays honest about suffering and big emotions. We share what foster care has taught us about control, surrender, resilience, and finding support that actually helps. If you’re considering fostering, already in the trenches, or looking for a concrete way to support foster families, you’ll walk away with language, perspective, and next steps you can use today. Subscribe for more real foster care conversations, share this with a friend, and leave a review telling us what stood out to you.

Called to Foster: https://a.co/d/00WC1p2e

Visit The Foster Care Institute:  https://www.drjohndegarmofostercare.com/index.html

Dr. John’s Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100078889265859 

Jen Lilley Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jen_lilley?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw== 

Jen Lilley’s Website: https://www.jenlilley.com/ 

Halo Project: https://haloprojectokc.com/ 

Connect with me on Instagram:     
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/

On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61558410502165 

Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

The hardest seasons are the ones we want to hide, and they are often the ones other foster parents most need to hear about. We are coming to you from the messy middle, where trauma meets puberty, where kitchens are loud, and where you can love the people under your roof with your whole life and still feel like you have nothing left to give. If you have ever thought, “I cannot encourage anyone right now because I am barely surviving,” this conversation is for you.

May is National Foster Care Awareness Month, and we wrestle with a real question: how do we recruit, advocate, and invite others in without selling a highlight reel? Polished foster care advocacy can isolate families who are struggling and can give future foster parents unrealistic expectations. We talk about a faith-filled “both and” framework: foster care is hard and holy, grief and gift, exhausting and sacred. We also name the reality underneath adoption and reunification, and why telling the truth can actually build trust and reduce shame.

You will leave with practical, trauma-informed ways to advocate without oversharing: tell one true thing, reframe the ask so people can support through respite care, meal trains, rides, tutoring, mentoring, court advocacy, and donations, and invite questions instead of applause. We also get honest about sustainability, because rest is advocacy, and a burned-out foster parent is not a recruiter. If you are considering fostering, we share the clearest counsel we know: expect cost, expect Jesus, and do not do it alone.

Subscribe to the Foster Parent Well Podcast, share this with one person who needs it, and if it helped, leave a review so more foster, kinship, and adoptive families can find steady support.

Connect with me on Instagram:     
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/

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Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

Five parenting “truths” get repeated so often they start to sound like gospel: let them be bored, they should sit through church, eat what I make, obey right away, and don’t worry because kids are resilient. But when you are fostering, adopting, or parenting children impacted by trauma, those messages can pile on pressure and leave you wondering why your home feels harder than everyone else’s. I share why that disconnect is not proof you are doing it wrong. It is often proof the advice was not made for your child’s nervous system, history, or needs.

We talk about why boredom can feel like a lack of safety, how structure and predictability can reduce chaos, and what scaffolding unstructured play can look like in real life. We also dig into faith spaces, including the unspoken expectation that kids should “perform” in big church. I explain why church should be a place of connection, how movement breaks and gradual exposure can be wise, and how spiritual formation happens far beyond the sanctuary. You will also hear a personal story that reframes what growth and sanctification can look like over time.

Then we move into two everyday battlegrounds for many foster and adoptive parents: food and obedience. We explore why food is often about trust, control, and sensory needs, plus practical ways to offer safe foods without turning dinner into a war. Finally, we challenge the idea that resilience is automatic and replace it with a trauma informed view: resilience is built through consistent care, safe relationships, and support. If you are craving permission to parent differently and still feel confident you are doing good work, press play, then subscribe, share with a friend, and leave a review so more foster and adoptive parents can find this space.

Connect with me on Instagram:     
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Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

Quiet, unseen moments often carry the greatest weight in foster care: packing lunches, sitting in courtrooms, driving to visits, and praying in the dark when no one’s clapping. We open with a moving reunification story—a true sending where a mom and baby are wrapped in prayer, gifts, and a promise of ongoing community—and use it to reframe what impact actually looks like over the long haul.

Pastor James Griffin of Cross Point City Church joins us to share why their church mobilized around foster care and adoption through a biblical, personal, and local lens. We talk about the call to care for the vulnerable, the role of grandparents and spiritual family in breaking cycles, and the practical reality that hundreds of kids nearby need trauma-aware, loving homes. James lays out a path for anyone discerning their role: start with prayer, seek wise counsel, and consider joining a care community to support a foster family before taking the licensing plunge. Along the way, he returns to a simple but freeing reset—our job is faithfulness; God’s job is fruitfulness.

We also get honest about the grind. Why do so many families burn out? Isolation. Together we unpack habits that protect endurance: prayer as a daily confession of weakness, leaning on a church community that refuses to let families carry the weight alone, and embracing the long game of Galatians 6:9—do not grow weary in doing good, because a harvest will come. From baptisms across foster, adoptive, and biological families to ministries reshaped by trauma-informed care, we trace how quiet yeses ripple into visible change and generational restoration.

If you’re on the fence, this conversation offers tangible first steps and a vision big enough to overcome fear. If you’re exhausted, it’s a reminder that you are seen, supplied with daily grace, and never meant to do this alone. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs courage today, and leave a review to help more families find hope and practical support.

Crosspoint's Website

Instagram: @pastorjamesgriffin and @crosspointcity

Facebook: Crosspoint City Church

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What if the hardest conversation in your home could become one of the most healing? We sat down with licensed clinical social worker and adoptive mom Susan Paa to talk about how to speak with kids about their biological families in a way that is honest, compassionate, and hopeful. No scripts that erase pain. No platitudes that glamorize harm. Just grounded wisdom you can use tonight.

We unpack the core lens that changes everything: compassion. When we learn the wider context behind addiction, domestic violence, mental health, poverty, and generational trauma, our language shifts from blame to dignity without excusing unsafe behavior. Susan shares why phrasing like recovery is possible matters, how to honor birth family humanity, and simple ways to affirm kids daily—You have your mom’s eyes; your dad’s creativity is in you—so trust is present before heavy truths arrive.

Timing matters, too. Drawing on Erikson and Piaget, we explore why ages eight to ten can be the best window to share a child’s full story: before abstract thinking blooms and identity turbulence hits, facts land as facts and integrate with less shock. We cover how to address sexual trauma wisely by first teaching a healthy framework for bodies, consent, and God’s design, then layering detail with care. Along the way, we model both-and thinking: you can love your first family and name what wasn’t safe; you can miss them and feel secure here.

You won’t get every word right. You can still create a home where every person in your child’s story is spoken of with truth and honor. Listen for concrete language, timing cues, and a faith-shaped posture that holds dignity and safety together. If this served you, subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with a foster or adoptive parent who needs fresh courage today.

Find Susan on IG: @paasusan1

Replanted Conference: https://replantedconference.org/

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