Stepping into foster care or adoption without understanding trauma is like trying to navigate unfamiliar terrain without a map. That's why this conversation with Melissa Pemberton, a trauma-aware licensed therapist and parent coach with over 20 years of experience in child welfare, is absolutely essential listening for anyone caring for children from hard places.

Melissa shares her personal journey from being a teen mom with her own childhood trauma to becoming a powerful advocate for trauma-informed parenting approaches. She explains why traditional parenting methods often fail with children who have experienced early adversity—even those adopted at birth—and offers practical insights that transform how we understand challenging behaviors.

Whether you're already fostering or adopting, considering this path, or simply want to better support families in your community, this episode provides essential insights that will forever change how you view children's behaviors and your role in their healing journey. Download Melissa's free resource on regulating your nervous system and connect with her at mendingfamilieswa.com to continue learning these transformative approaches.

Melissa's Info:

www.mendingfamilieswa.com

www.instagram.com/mendingfamilieswa

FREEBIE for listeners - 6 Tips to Calm your Nervous System - https://mending-families.myflodesk.com/calm

OTHER RESOURCES Mentioned:

Get Nicole's Newsletter: https://nicoletbarlow.myflodesk.com/fosterparentwellnewsletter 

Mending Families Podcast: https://www.mendingfamilieswa.com/mending-families-podcast

Empowered to Connect Podcast: https://empowered-to-connect-podcast.castos.com/ 

The Connected Child: https://a.co/d/h6Ddu1v 

The Connected Parent: https://a.co/d/bl2Gwy9 

Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: https://a.co/d/hDQXcDQ 

I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!

Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

What happens when the romanticized dream of adoption crashes into the complex realities of parenting children from trauma? April Ficklin knows this collision intimately. From a teenage mission trip where she first felt called to adoption, to the Good Friday when her family doubled overnight with the addition of two siblings from foster care, April's journey has been one of profound transformation.

The chaos was immediate. Despite years of successful parenting with her biological children, April found herself utterly unprepared for the behaviors that emerged from her adopted children's fear responses. "I'm not the parent I used to be. I'm not the parent I thought I would be. I'm definitely not the mom I want to be," she remembers thinking during those early days.

This raw conversation peels back the layers of what trauma-aware parenting truly demands. April shares how she discovered that traditional parenting methods focused on compliance and behavior correction were failing both her children and herself. The breakthrough came when she shifted her entire approach from changing behaviors to building trust - recognizing that she needed to prove her trustworthiness before expecting her children to trust her.

Now working as an adoption professional and raising four teenagers, April offers a message of hope grounded in reality. Healing happens, but it's measured in moments like when her once fiercely independent child said, "Mama made me a peanut butter sandwich. That's what mamas do." Those small victories reveal the power of connection-based parenting that values relationship over compliance.

Whether you're considering adoption, in the trenches of foster parenting, or simply want to understand trauma-responsive approaches better, this conversation offers both practical wisdom and heartfelt encouragement. The journey may not be what you expected, but the healing – for both you and your children – is worth every step.

Please connect with April by following her growing Instagram account where she shares encouragement for stressed out moms, tips for trust-based parenting, and stories to help create hope in the overwhelm.  https://www.instagram.com/april_ficklin/

The Connected Child: https://www.amazon.com/Connected-Child-healing-adoptive-family/dp/0071475001

TBRI: https://child.tcu.edu/about-us/tbri/#sthash.3OROkCJX.dpbs

Nicole's 5 Day Belly Blast Challenge: http://www.fasterwaycoach.com/5-day-belly-blast-2025?aid=nicolebarlow

I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!

Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

God shows up in extraordinary ways for foster parents when we embrace the truth that we're participating in His holy work of restoration and redemption.

• His grace is sufficient for our weakness, covering our doubts, fears, and mistakes
• New mercies arrive each morning—only when we need them, not a moment sooner
• Hard things are exactly what Jesus calls us to, equipped with His strength and comfort
• We are not invisible—God sees every midnight cry, pantry prayer, and moment of faithfulness
• Our service is bigger than we realize—we're friends of God helping bring His plans to life

Keep saying yes, keep pressing into Him, even when your voice is shaking. This is holy ground you're walking on, and God is not finished with your story.

I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!

Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

The tension between fostering deep relationships and managing difficult behaviors sits at the heart of every foster and adoptive parent's journey. In this deeply personal exploration, we uncover why our focus often shifts from connection to control—and the surprising neurological reasons behind it.

When behaviors are under control and there's order in our homes, we feel safe. But what happens when our peace becomes dependent on our children's compliance? We end up parenting from exhaustion rather than connection, creating a cycle that works against the very healing we're trying to facilitate.

Your nervous system responds to stress just like your child's does. When you don't feel safe, you move into fight-flight-freeze-fawn mode, making it neurologically impossible to parent with patience and wisdom. Even when you know better, your survival brain takes over—leading to burnout, anxiety, and disconnection.

Building felt safety from within changes everything. Through spiritual practices, predictable routines, environmental comfort, supportive relationships, appropriate boundaries, and essential wellness habits, you can create internal regulation that doesn't depend on external circumstances. Each practice—from morning prayer to consistent hydration, from soft lighting to meaningful conversations with understanding friends—sends powerful signals to your brain that you are safe.

This isn't about luxury or self-indulgence. It's about creating the neurological foundation you need to show up as the regulated, connected parent your children need. When you build felt safety from the inside out, you can finally address behavior while strengthening connection rather than damaging it.

If you're ready to break free from survival mode parenting, join our six-week wellness challenge starting March 24th, where we'll take small, doable steps toward creating lasting felt safety—for you and your whole family.

Join my 6 Week Wellness Challenge: https://www.fasterwaycoach.com/?aid=nicolebarlow

Subscribe to my newsletter! https://nicoletbarlow.myflodesk.com/fosterparentwellnewsletter 

I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!

Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

What happens in that critical moment when your child's behavior pushes your buttons? That split second before you respond determines whether your correction will actually work or simply bounce off ineffectively.

Foster and adoptive parents know the struggle all too well—the same behaviors repeating despite countless corrections. But what if the key isn't what you say during correction, but what you've established beforehand?

Drawing from neuroscience and trauma-informed approaches, this episode reveals the four non-negotiable steps required before any effective correction: regulation, trust, connection, and instruction. I break down why your nervous system must calm before you can help regulate your child's, and how co-regulation creates the biological foundation for receptive listening.

You'll discover practical techniques like "Yes Jars" that build attachment cycles with resistant children, and understand why connection feels so difficult when a child pushes away (hint: it's your brain's reciprocity response protecting you from rejection). Most importantly, you'll learn why teaching expected behaviors during calm moments is essential—because correction without instruction is just punishment.

Whether you're struggling with a child who seems to resist every boundary or simply want to make your guidance more effective, these foundational principles will transform your approach to discipline. Your patience and consistency in these four areas creates the safety necessary for lasting behavioral change.

Ready to see correction that actually sticks? Start with just one of these principles this week and watch what happens. Share this episode with another foster or adoptive parent who needs this encouragement—because even when change isn't visible yet, your impact is real.

6 Week Challenge: https://stan.store/nicoletbarlow/p/6-week-coaching-group

Get my newsletter! https://nicoletbarlow.myflodesk.com/fosterparentwellnewsletter 

I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!

Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

We explore the critical importance of healing for foster and adoptive parents, emphasizing how past experiences shape our parenting. Understanding ourselves allows us to nurture our children effectively while providing the love they need.

• Exploring the concept of healing and being a steady presence
• The impact of past traumas on parenting styles
• The significance of understanding how childhood shapes our view of God
• Strategies for prioritizing health and emotional well-being
• Insights on creating a nurturing environment for children with trauma
• Encouragement for listeners to start their healing journey

If you found this episode helpful at all, I'd love for you to leave a review. It helps so much for this podcast to be found by other foster and adoptive parents.

Wellness IG Account: https://www.instagram.com/fosterwellnesscoach/

6 Week Challenge: https://stan.store/nicoletbarlow/p/6-week-coaching-group 

I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!

Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

We explore the complexities of foster care and adoption and the emotional toll trauma takes on families, emphasizing the importance of candid conversations about these challenges. Anna Bernacki shares her personal journey through adoption and how faith has guided her family.

• The importance of discussing difficult topics within foster care 
• Differences between crisis hospitalization and residential treatment 
• Navigating shame and guilt in parenting from hard places 
• The role of faith in coping with challenges 
• How to support other family members when one child is absent 
• Encouragement for parents feeling overwhelmed or isolated 

If you know somebody that is facing similar challenges, would you send them this episode? 

I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!

Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

The latest episode explores the multifaceted challenges of foster care and adoption, inviting listeners to engage with the often unspoken truths of this journey. By addressing hard topics with compassion, the episode emphasizes the importance of validating the experiences of caregivers and children alike while encouraging open conversations.

• Validating the difficulty of foster care without diminishing its beauty 
• Acknowledging the impact of trauma on children in care 
• Recognizing the complexities of bonding with foster children 
• Balancing the goals of reunification with concerns for child safety 
• Navigating conflicting feelings during goodbyes 
• Identifying the difference between primary and secondary trauma in caregivers 

Share this episode with a friend who needs to hear it, and if you haven't yet, leave a review so we can keep having these important conversations.

I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!

Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

This episode explores the spiritual warfare that foster parents face as they navigate their unique challenges. By emphasizing the importance of guarding our minds, nurturing relationships, prioritizing self-care, and cultivating gratitude, we equip ourselves to combat discouragement and support each other through this journey.

• Understanding spiritual warfare in the context of foster care 
• The significance of filling our minds with God's truth 
• Importance of nurturing marital and community relationships 
• Necessity of self-care for spiritual and emotional resilience 
• Strategies for guarding our hearts against negativity and despair

Couple's Wellness Challenge: 

https://stan.store/nicoletbarlow/p/couples-challenge 

Sign up for my newsletter! 

https://nicoletbarlow.myflodesk.com/fosterparentwellnewsletter 

I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!

Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

Overwhelming exhaustion is a challenge that many foster and adoptive parents experience, often without acknowledgment. This episode discusses burnout's signs, neurological impact, and practical steps toward healing and renewal. 
• Exploring the definition of burnout what it looks like in parents
• Recognizing signs indicating a move in that direction
• Addressing emotional detachment and the inclination to check out 
• Discussing diminished desire to connect with children 
• Identifying physical symptoms of burnout and health concerns 
• Offering practical steps to combat burnout 

If this episode resonated with you, would you share it with a friend?

I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!

Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/