Struggling to find the strength to keep going in your foster care journey? This powerful conversation with missionary and adoptive mom Mandie Summers reveals how faith becomes the essential foundation when the system feels broken and the burden feels too heavy.

Mandy never imagined herself as a foster parent until a casual dinner conversation with a social worker friend opened her eyes to the crisis within the foster care system. What began as complete naivety about trauma and fostering evolved into a profound family transformation that ultimately led to adopting two children and continuing to provide foster care. 

"Foster care and adoption really found us," Mandie shares, admitting she and her husband were probably "the two most naive people to ever sign up." Her honest account of expecting a simple revolving door of short placements versus the complex reality they encountered resonates with anyone who's discovered the gap between expectations and the fostering experience.

The heart of this episode explores spiritual sustainability – how faith provides the strength to continue when burnout threatens. Mandy's practical spiritual disciplines include daily Scripture listening during walks, worship music during chaotic pre-dinner hours, and leaning into biblical narratives that suddenly take on new meaning through the fostering lens. Her identification with Moses in Numbers 11 ("Did I conceive all these people? Did I give them birth?") offers profound comfort to foster parents carrying trauma they didn't create.

Whether you're considering fostering, currently fostering, or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers hope that God provides exactly what's needed in each season. As Mandie beautifully summarizes: "It is the hardest thing we've done, but so worth it in the richness of life. Offering a Christ-centered home to a child is worth anything."

For more information on Mandie and Jason's missionary journey and how to support them: https://give.cru.org/0578940

Foster Parent Well Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1VeRn4AaDHThddXx/ 

I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!

Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

What happens when love isn't enough? When trauma runs so deep that having your child live at home becomes unsafe for everyone involved? This raw, vulnerable conversation with Anna Bernacki pulls back the curtain on one of foster care and adoption's most painful realities – the moment when residential treatment becomes necessary.

Anna brings a uniquely powerful perspective as both an adoptee herself and an adoptive mother to four children through foster care. She shares the heartbreaking journey of having two children require residential placement, walking us through the complex emotions of loving from a distance. With unflinching honesty, she describes the shame that engulfed her when realizing her home couldn't provide what her daughter needed, the PTSD she developed from traumatic experiences before placement, and the guilt that haunted her with every empty seat at the dinner table.

Yet within this painful story emerges profound wisdom. Anna explains how distance sometimes allows authentic attachment to form where proximity once created threat. She details practical strategies for maintaining connection – setting clear boundaries for phone calls, explaining unavailability in advance to ease anxiety, and showing up consistently despite verbal abuse or rejection. Her insights into how siblings process this separation will resonate with any parent navigating the impact on their whole family system.

Perhaps most valuable is Anna's candid discussion of faith through uncertainty. She wrestles openly with trusting God's plan while sometimes losing hope that healing will come in her lifetime – a tension many parents in crisis understand deeply. Her vulnerability creates space for others to acknowledge similar struggles without shame.

For those walking similar paths, this conversation offers confirmation you're not alone. For those supporting families in crisis, it provides crucial perspective on the complexity of these decisions. And for anyone connected to the foster care world, it issues a powerful call to develop more trauma-informed systems at every level.

Whether you're currently facing these impossible choices or simply want to better understand the full spectrum of foster care and adoption experiences, this episode will expand your compassion and challenge preconceived notions about what successful parenting looks like in the shadow of severe trauma.

Anna's IG: @Anna.Bernacki

I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!

Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

The emotional toll of fostering and adopting can leave even the most dedicated parents running on empty. In this powerful conversation, Nicole T. Barlow welcomes Melissa Smallwood, a counselor and family coach whose perspective is uniquely informed by her experience on both sides of the foster care equation – first as a foster youth who entered the system in middle school, and later as an adoptive mother of five.

Melissa candidly shares how burnout creeps into foster and adoptive parenting when we're constantly managing complex emotional needs, navigating bureaucratic systems, and striving to heal wounds that often run deeper than our love alone can reach. She reveals the hidden impact of parental burnout through the eyes of a child: "Unfortunately, kids internalize the symptoms of our burnout as something wrong with them, or as a lack of love for them." This painful misinterpretation creates a cycle where children's behaviors intensify in response to our frazzled state, driving everyone further into distress.

Drawing from both professional expertise and lived experience, Melissa offers five practical strategies to prevent and overcome burnout, beginning with honest self-assessment. She emphasizes finding community with other foster/adoptive parents who truly understand the unique challenges, learning to ask for and accept help without shame, recognizing our personal limitations, and practicing genuine self-care focused on nervous system regulation. Her approach moves beyond bubble baths and pedicures to address the deeper work of managing our own trauma responses and expectations about parenting.

If you're feeling stretched beyond your capacity or worried you might be headed toward burnout, this conversation offers both validation and hope. Melissa reminds us that acknowledging our limitations isn't weakness—it's wisdom. And sometimes, the most powerful parenting moment comes when we admit, "God, I have given all I have to give. If anything else comes from me, it has to come from you."

For more resources, connect with Melissa on Instagram @MelissaSmallwood.

Website: www.mendingheartscoaching.com

Instagram: @melissasmallwood 

Facebook: facebook.com/melissasmallwoodwriter

Mending Hearts Network: https://shorturl.at/aAZIr

I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!

Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

What if your entire city rallied around foster families? Rebecca from Georgia Kids Belong reveals how that vision is becoming reality through the Foster Friendly initiative, a movement transforming how communities support foster care.

Rebecca shares the powerful work of their I Belong Project, which creates advocacy videos for children waiting for adoption. These videos don't just share statistics- they amplify children's voices and help them find forever families. But the heart of our conversation explores their groundbreaking Foster Friendly initiative, which identifies businesses, faith communities, and nonprofits willing to support foster families through discounts, services, and resources.

The Foster Friendly app connects foster families with these supportive resources based on their location. What began as a small idea has grown into a movement, with entire cities now declaring themselves "Foster Friendly" and taking concrete steps to support foster families. Rebecca shares inspiring stories of how these initiatives are breaking down longstanding silos between organizations and creating organic communities where foster families find much-needed support and connection.

We dive deep into why community support is so crucial for foster families. Unlike other forms of service, fostering doesn't end when you come home- it is home. The 24/7 nature of this commitment, combined with the complexities of navigating the system, leads most foster parents nationally to quit within the first year. Community support through initiatives like Foster Friendly helps extend the longevity of foster families, directly benefiting children who desperately need stability.

Whether you're fostering, considering fostering, or simply want to support those who do, this conversation offers practical ways to get involved. 

Download the Foster Friendly app today to find supportive businesses in your area and discover how you can be part of building a community where foster families thrive!

I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!

Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

What happens to the children who were already in the home when foster kids arrive? Daniela Coats offers a perspective rarely heard in foster care conversations-  that of the birth child.

Growing up as the oldest of three biological siblings in a family that began fostering when she was seven, Daniela experienced firsthand the complex emotions that come with sharing your parents, your space, and your family identity. From the jealousy she felt when a foster child called her father "Dad" after just meeting him to the invisibility she experienced as relatives and community members focused exclusively on the new additions to her family, her story illuminates the hidden challenges birth children often face.

Now a licensed social worker, adoptive mother of four, and founder of With Siblings, Daniela brings professional insight alongside personal experience. She challenges common assumptions about birth order and instead focuses on how roles shift within families with each placement-  like a mobile that must find a new balance when pieces are added or removed.

For parents navigating this delicate balance, Daniela offers practical wisdom through her "three Rs" approach after placements end: rest to recover from the accelerated pace of life with foster children, reconnect through intentional one-on-one time with birth children, and reassess as a family whether and how to continue the fostering journey. Her children's book "The Day Lily Turned Uninvisible" further explores these themes through the eyes of a child.

Whether you're currently fostering, considering opening your home, or supporting someone who is, this conversation provides essential perspective on creating a family system where every child – both those who arrive and those who were already there- feels seen, valued, and understood. Because when we support the entire family, everyone thrives.

Daniela's Social Media:

Instagram - @with_siblings and @daniela.coats 

Facebook - facebook.com/withsiblingsTX

Book: https://a.co/d/5F68Vso

I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!

Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

Raquel McLeod shares her powerful journey as a birth mother, child of kinship care, and kinship adoptive mom, illustrating how resilience can be cultivated through intentional practices and consistent support.

• The nine elements that build resilience include having one stable adult, cultivating self-worth, and prioritizing physical wellness
• Physical health dramatically impacts mental wellbeing—Raquel shares how fitness transformed her life during her darkest period
• Practicing gratitude and optimism builds resilience by training the brain to acknowledge both difficulty and hope simultaneously
• Modeling healthy behaviors for children may not show immediate results but lays crucial foundations for their future
• Involving children in daily activities (cooking, exercise, spiritual practices) builds life skills and creates opportunities for connection
• Setting appropriate boundaries while maintaining family relationships is an essential skill for kinship caregivers

Join me in fostering parent well through understanding trauma, building resilience, and creating homes where both grief and gratitude can coexist.

Raquel's book: https://a.co/d/aGsBFtV 

Raquel's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mccloudlife?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw== 

I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!

Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

Ever felt like the gap between what you know about trauma and how you respond to it is impossibly wide? In this soul-nourishing conversation with Katrina Campbell, Director of Training at FaithBridgeU, we explore how continuous learning transforms not just our parenting but our spiritual lives.

"Suffering moved in with me," Katrina shares, capturing the profound reality of what happens when foster children enter our homes. The theoretical suddenly becomes intensely personal, challenging us at our core. Throughout our discussion, we unpack how this ministry reveals both our limitations and God's faithfulness in extraordinary ways.

We dive into the difference between knowledge and wisdom in trauma parenting—knowing facts versus knowing how to apply them when a child is in crisis. Katrina brilliantly explains this as "knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit basket." This practical wisdom comes through intentional learning and community support, both available through resources like FaithBridgeU.

Perhaps most compelling is our exploration of how this journey deepens faith. Those moments when we have no strength left become sacred opportunities to experience God's provision. As Katrina says, "When foster care, which is mission work, moved in with me 24-7, that's when I started to see... I had to start relying on my faith so much more."

Whether you're gathering required training hours or simply seeking wisdom for your adoption journey, this episode offers a refreshing perspective on learning as spiritual formation. The challenges may be significant, but the community, resources, and divine support available make this sacred work not just possible, but transformative.

Ready to approach your parenting journey with renewed purpose? Subscribe to the Foster Parent Well podcast for more conversations that blend practical wisdom with spiritual encouragement.

FaithbridgeU Training Platform: https://faithbridgeu.com/

I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!

Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

Parenting children from hard places requires an extraordinary partnership between spouses. In this candid conversation, Nicole interviews her husband Bruce about how they've navigated the challenges and joys of foster parenting as a team.

When Nicole first felt called to foster care, Bruce's immediate response was a firm "no." His journey from reluctance to acceptance reveals how important it is for both partners to independently hear God's calling rather than one spouse feeling coerced. Through vulnerably sharing their early missteps, the Barlows demonstrate how complementary differences between spouses can either strengthen or undermine trauma-informed parenting.

One of their most significant discoveries came after bringing home their sibling group of five. Bruce's natural bent toward being the "fun parent" while Nicole maintained structure created inconsistency that triggered their children's trauma responses. They learned that children with trauma backgrounds need both parents to provide high structure AND high nurture simultaneously—not the traditional "good cop/bad cop" division many couples naturally fall into.

The conversation takes a touching turn when they discuss how they support each other through parenting mistakes. Bruce shares how offering grace rather than criticism when Nicole becomes dysregulated creates space for repair—modeling for their children what healthy relationships look like, including how to mess up and make things right.

Their key advice? Both parents must become students of trauma-informed care. "It doesn't work for just one parent to do all the research and try to convey that to the other parent," Bruce emphasizes. This mutual commitment to understanding creates the unified approach that children with trauma desperately need.

Whether you're considering foster care, currently fostering, or simply wanting to strengthen your parenting partnership, this conversation offers practical wisdom for creating the consistent, loving environment where children—and marriages—can thrive.

I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!

Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

Ever found yourself triggered by your child's meltdown, wondering how to break the cycle of dysregulation? This summer rewind episode tackles one of the most challenging aspects of foster and adoptive parenting: staying calm when everything around you is chaos.

Drawing from personal experience as both a certified parent trainer and adoptive mom to five siblings from foster care, I share seven practical strategies that can transform how you respond in moments of intense dysregulation. Beyond just techniques, we explore the science behind why both children and adults move into fight, flight, or freeze responses, and how understanding these patterns creates pathways to healing.

The foundation of calm parenting starts before crisis hits. Most parents focus extensively on meeting their children's basic needs while neglecting their own. We dive into specific nutritional needs often overlooked (like the fact most women consume less than half the protein they require daily) and how proper self-care creates the physiological capacity for emotional regulation. From practical interventions like using cold sensations to reset your nervous system, to spiritual practices that center your heart in the storm, these strategies work in real-life situations with real kids.

What sets this episode apart is its honesty about the human limitations we all face. Perfect regulation isn't possible, and that's okay. These moments of repair actually provide powerful opportunities to model the very skills we hope to teach our children. Whether you're parenting kids from hard places or simply trying to navigate life's challenges with more grace, these insights will empower you to foster deeper connection even in your most difficult moments.

Looking for more support on your parenting journey? Connect with me on Instagram @NicoleTBarlow where we continue the conversation about fostering parent well-being alongside child healing.

Get My Newsletter: https://nicoletbarlow.myflodesk.com/fosterparentwellnewsletter

I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!

Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/

We confront the reality of injustice in foster care and explore how to effectively advocate for change without burning out or losing sight of our purpose. From recognizing that not every battle is ours to fight, to making strategic relationships within the system, these seven practical tips help foster parents navigate the broken parts of the system with wisdom and grace.

• Not every injustice is your battle to fight—ask God for discernment about which assignments are yours
• Get educated before advocating—understand the reasoning behind policies before fighting to change them
• Identify gaps in the system rather than just complaining about what's broken
• Advocate with respect instead of rage—your voice carries more weight when delivered with grace
• Build relationships with people working in the system to increase your influence
• Cover everything in prayer and trust that God sees every injustice

This is the last episode of the season. We'll be taking a break for the summer and returning the first week of August with all new episodes and amazing guests. Screenshot this episode, share it to your Instagram stories, and tag me @NicoleTBarlow to let me know how you're choosing to advocate with grace in this season.

Faith + Fitness Waitlist: https://nicoletbarlow.myflodesk.com/fandfwaitlist 

Get my newsletter: https://nicoletbarlow.myflodesk.com/fosterparentwellnewsletter

I'd love to hear from you! Send me a text!

Connect with me on Instagram: @Fosterparentwell
@nicoletbarlow https://www.instagram.com/nicoletbarlow/
Website: https://nicoletbarlow.com/