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Post-separation harassment is not heartbreak — it’s control. In this episode of Adult Nonfiction, Sarah Jay explores how post-separation abuse can escalate into stalking, surveillance, retaliation, reputational attacks, and social manipulation after a breakup or separation.

We talk about the difference between letting go vs ownership, the psychology of ego injury, and why so many people respond with victim blaming—even when the abuse is happening in plain sight.

This episode is educational, non-inflammatory, and focused on giving survivors language and clarity, while also addressing bystanders, law enforcement, and perpetrators who may not understand the harm these behaviors cause.

If leaving triggered escalation for you, you’re not alone—and you’re not overreacting.

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In this episode of Adult Nonfiction, we explore reputational harm—the slow, cumulative damage caused by smear campaigns, rumor-spreading, exclusion, and group bullying in workplaces, neighbourhoods, parent communities, and social circles. We unpack why adults engage in these patterns, how group dynamics can escalate cruelty while disguising it as “concern,” and why repetitional harm can be deeply destabilizing even when no single incident seems “serious enough.” This episode offers practical, non-inflammatory strategies for targets and bystanders, including language to interrupt rumours, ways to document patterns, and how to protect your nervous system while rebuilding credibility and support.

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Adult Nonfiction begins with a story—about disbelief, survival, and the quiet work of rebuilding after psychological abuse. In this solo introduction, the host explains the meaning behind the podcast’s name and why certain forms of harm between adults are so often minimized or ignored.

This episode introduces the themes of the show, including coercive control, stalking, bullying, smear campaigns and relational aggression, and explains the podcast’s mission: education over accusation, understanding over judgment. Future episodes will feature legal, medical, and academic experts who help translate lived experience of adult bullying into language that legal systems recognize.

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DARVO (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender) is a calculated strategy to evade accountability by flipping the roles of the accuser and the accused. 

Research identifies three distinct phases that perpetrators use to manipulate social and legal systems:

• Denial: The offender outright rejects the wrongdoing, claiming "it never happened" or "you’re exaggerating".
• Attack: Instead of addressing the core issue, the offender attacks the victim's credibility, character, or sanity to shift the focus.
• Reverse Victim and Offender (RVO): The perpetrator assumes the victim role, claiming they are the ones being harassed or "falsely accused," thereby making the true victim feel guilty or like the aggressor. 
• This is linked to Institutional DARVO, where systems like the courts or police may inadvertently support the perpetrator’s narrative, causing further trauma to the victim. 

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Episode 2 explores why abuse is so often missed when systems focus on isolated incidents instead of patterns. Drawing on lived experience and research from scholars who study coercive control, bullying, trauma, and relational harm, this episode explains how repeated, low-level behaviors can cause deep psychological damage even when no single act looks “severe.” It examines why survivors struggle to explain patterns, why institutions frequently dismiss cumulative harm, and how better language can help name what’s happening before it escalates. This episode is an invitation to survivors, professionals, bystanders, and those reflecting on their own behavior to better understand how harm accumulates—and why patterns matter.

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In this episode, I share a bit about who I was before experiencing psychological abuse and stalking and why this work feels both personal and familiar. I’m a former editor and publisher, an entrepreneur, and a product and human-centered designer who built a career around identifying gaps and creating what was missing in both the public and private sector—eventually serving as Vice President of Innovation at a global company. Experiencing coercive control and persistent harassment dismantled my voice and confidence, but it also reawakened the skills that had always shaped my life. Adult Nonfiction is an extension of that work: recognizing what I didn’t have when I needed it most and building the language, tools, and resources I wish had existed.