Adventures in Adversity: an inspirational podcast

I'm so excited to introduce you to Ezra Vancil, a singer-songwriter from East Texas whose music has been on repeat for me in coffee shops for the past month!

Ezra grew up in a gospel-singing family, got signed to a record deal as a teenager, and watched the rock n' roll lifestyle eat everything up.

What followed was a decade of alcohol, overmedication, hospital stays, and multiple suicide attempts. Doctors told his wife he'd never be able to function on his own.

Then, waking up on his kitchen floor on Valentine's Day, he prayed, "I don't know who you are. Show me who you are. I'll do absolutely anything." He walked into a recovery group the next day and hasn't had a drink in 13 years.

This conversation goes deep, and I'm so grateful Ezra shared it so openly. We talk about why feeling nothing can be more dangerous than feeling low, how boundaries actually make love possible, and what it means to love someone "without hooks."

We also get into faith beyond doctrine and judgment, and why the most convincing testimony is the life you live. And Ezra closes us out with a live performance of "Thousand Pound Troubles."

Content note: this episode includes discussion of suicide and addiction. If you're struggling, please reach out. In the US, you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

In this episode, we cover:

• Signing a record deal from below the poverty line, and losing it all

• Overmedication, numbness, and why feeling nothing is a terrible place to be

• The wave: why you can't have the crest without the trough

• "You can't fix the problem with the problem," and the gratitude walk

• Why relationships take labor, and boundaries help us love

• Getting sober while his wife filed for divorce, and praying for her every day

• Growing up in a cult, becoming an atheist, and finding God again

• "Is it odd or is it God?"

• Letting your life, not your words, show the change

• "Not my ball, not my game" and letting go of judgment

• The story behind "Thousand Pound Troubles"

TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 Welcome, Ezra Vancil

02:13 Growing up in a musical family

03:45 The record deal and the rock and roll lifestyle

05:26 Losing music, a marriage, and the slide into alcohol

07:26 The darkest decade: hospitals, meds, and suicide attempts

11:05 Hearing your story told back to you

12:03 Overmedication and feeling nothing

14:26 The crest and the trough

18:38 Real positive thinking vs. fluff

20:24 The gratitude walk

24:27 Relationships take labor, and boundaries make love possible

32:09 Two people journeying together

33:45 Getting sober while his marriage fell apart

36:53 Love without hooks

40:56 Growing up in a cult and walking away from God

43:41 The kitchen floor prayer

45:41 13 years sober

49:07 "Is it odd or is it God?"

54:02 The farmer's list, from Ezra's book

58:28 Letting your life show the change

1:03:56 A new album with his daughter

1:07:09 Judgment, humility, and "not my ball, not my game"

1:14:12 How God gave music back

1:18:57 God as the good father

1:20:59 The story behind "Thousand Pound Troubles"

1:22:10 Live performance: "Thousand Pound Troubles"

1:26:02 Closing thoughts

EZRA'S BOOK

Mornings & Midnights: Poetry & Writings, the companion book to Ezra's double album Morning & Midnight

FOLLOW EZRA VANCIL

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#sobriety #recovery #faith #mentalhealth #singersongwriter #addictionrecovery #resilience #adversity

I'm so grateful to welcome Mark Thomas Beare back for part two. A survivor of narcissistic abuse, Mark turned his own collapse into Mirrored Psychic Inversion Theory (MPIT), built on the work of Professor Sam Vaknin.

Today, we unpack 6 things survivors often say to themselves after narcissistic abuse, and what's actually happening in your mind and body beneath each one. I've said every one of these to myself, many, many times.

• "I don't know what's real anymore."
• "When they stopped looking at me, I stopped existing."
• "I keep hearing their voice in my head."
• "What if I was the narcissist?"
• "If I just love them enough, I'll get it back."
• "I can't trust myself anymore."

We talk about identity, internalized voices, self-doubt, dissociation, the feeling of watching yourself from the outside, and ultimately, how we find our way back to ourselves. This isn't about the narcissist. This is about us.

Mark walks through every phrase without shame and without blame. If you're in the thick of it right now, please know this: what you're feeling is a normal reaction to a very abnormal situation. As Mark says, sometimes you just have to "hold on to the wreckage until the sea calms down."

What we cover:

• Why "I don't know what's real anymore" happens, and how narcissistic abuse damages your reality filter
• The ASR Complex (ASR1, ASR2, and ASR3) and the "organizing gate" where your mind decides what's real
• Why healing isn't linear, and why collapse can feel like it's getting worse before it gets better
• Becoming the "detective" after discard, and why all that searching is necessary, not shameful
• The gaze: co-idealization, feeling "chosen," and why losing their attention feels like losing yourself
• Hoovering and what it looks like when a narcissist tries to "reacquire" you
• Introjects, or why their voice keeps playing in your head long after they're gone
• The question that crucifies so many survivors: "What if I was the narcissist?"
• The Redeemer in us, and the belief that if we just love them enough, they'll come back
• Epistemic injury, and how to rebuild trust in yourself again
• Becoming the custodian of your own organizing gate

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome back, Mark Thomas Beare

02:33 Phrase 1: "I don't know what's real anymore"

11:25 Why healing isn't a straight line

17:56 Becoming the "detective"

20:48 "Hold on to the wreckage until the sea calms down"

20:56 Phrase 2: "When they stopped looking at me, I stopped existing"

32:23 Shame-based healing isn't healing

37:34 The gaze, hoovering, and being "reacquired"

43:20 Phrase 3: "I keep hearing their voice in my head"

1:01:02 Phrase 4: "What if I was the narcissist?"

1:19:22 Phrase 5: "If I just love them enough, I'll get it back"

1:27:19 Phrase 6: "I can't trust myself anymore"

1:41:24 Recap: becoming the custodian of your organizing gate

1:43:00 Closing thoughts and what's next in this series

MARK'S BOOKS

The two books I keep in my bag every day. They've been life-changing in my own recovery, and this conversation only scratches the surface of what's inside them.

Narcissistic Redeemer: Bringing You Back from Collapse

The Organising Gate: The ASR Complex and the Reconstruction of Reality After Narcissistic Abuse

NEW TO MARK'S WORK?

Start with part one in ep. 96, "You're not going insane: mapping the collapse after narcissistic abuse w/Mark Thomas Beare"

FOLLOW MARK THOMAS BEARE

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#narcissisticabuse #narcissisticabuserecovery #healing #trauma #mentalhealth #resilience #MPIT #SamVaknin #recovery #mirroredpsychicinversiontheory

Men are told to be quiet, suck it up, and man up. Steven Casillas did that for years, and he says it nearly ate him alive.

In this episode, Steven shares a story he's still living: growing up surrounded by domestic violence, drugs, and manipulation, raising his baby sisters at 8 years old, joining the Army at 18 with nowhere else to go, and surviving 3 years in Afghanistan, including the morning a bomber struck the gate he walked through every day.

He came home, bought his first house at 22, and walked into a relationship that he says repeated the patterns he grew up with. Steven is honest about all of it, including his own mistakes.

He also talks about the night he felt surrounded by darkness and then by angels, and how he hasn't put God down since.

Now a successful real estate agent and father, he's "healing loudly" so other men know they're not alone.

If you're a man suffering in silence, or you love someone who is, this one is for you.

In this episode:

-Why "man up" nearly broke him, and how he found his voice

-Growing up in chaos and learning what not to become

-Joining the Army at 18, and the close call in Afghanistan

-Trauma bonding, and why "just love harder" doesn't work

-Owning his own mistakes and unlearning things he saw as a child

-The spiritual awakening that changed everything

-His take on faith vs. religion, and why he leads with love

-"Create the man you admire and gift that man to the world"

-"If you're gonna sink to the depths of the ocean, you better come back up with that pearl"

If you or someone you love is experiencing abuse, men included, support is free and confidential: National Domestic Violence Hotline, call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text START to 88788.

Connect with Steven on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok.

We all have a story. And this is Steven's.

Sponsored by DIVINI, a honey-based sparkling kombucha tea. Visit LiveDivini and use code Breanne10 at checkout for a discount!

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#Abuse #WomenAbuseMen #MenToo #Redemption #Veterans #NarcissisticAbuse #HealOutLoud

At age 44, my beautiful ServiceNow colleague-turned-friend-turned guest Sarah Chea was teaching Pilates, raising two boys, and building a women's supplement brand.

She went in for a routine checkup, mentioned something she'd felt almost as an afterthought, and walked out of a mammogram appointment with a biopsy.

That Friday night, curling her hair before dinner, she got the call: it was breast cancer.

In episode 102, Sarah shares the whole journey. An aggressive early-stage diagnosis, chemo and radiation, medically induced menopause, a seven-day meditation retreat, losing her father while still in treatment....and how she came to call it not a tragedy but an initiation.

She talks about blending Western medicine with holistic healing, writing "I've decided that I'm going to heal" on her bathroom mirror and leaving it there for a year and a half, healing inner-child wounds, and returning to teach with a bald head and no apology. If you or someone you love just heard the word nobody wants to hear, this one is for you.

In this episode:

-The routine checkup that changed everything, and why she almost didn't mention it

-"Life before and life after," the moment she sat down on the edge of the bathtub

-Integrating chemo and radiation with meditation, diet, and spiritual work

-The book that reframed her entire diagnosis

-Ho'oponopono, forgiveness, and healing what she was carrying

-Building the exact supplement she'd later need to heal, full circle

-Being at her father's side in his final days- Her closing reminder: everything you're seeking is already inside you

Sarah is the Founder of Love Lotus OfficialShe offers clinically-backed peri/menopause support. She passionately advocates for true healing: “From root to rise - balance begins within.”Connect with Sarah on LinkedIn

Books and resources mentioned:

Radical Remission: Surviving Cancer Against All Odds by Dr. Kelly A. Turner

This is the book Sarah found right after her diagnosis. Turner interviewed 1,500+ people with unexplained remissions and found nine healing factors, only two of them physical.

Radical Remission Project

Dr. Kelly Turner's site

Dr. Joe Dispenza, whose seven-day meditation retreat Sarah attended

Week-long retreats

Scientific research on "The Biology of Belief: How Your Cells Respond to Your Thoughts

"Becoming Supernatural

Ho'oponopono, the Hawaiian forgiveness practice Sarah used in her healing work

What it is and how to practice it

The Anxiety Toolkit Podcast

Where Bre first heard about Ho'oponopono

Connect with Sarah on LinkedIn

The next time a hard moment hits, get curious, and remember that adversity is an invitation.

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#AdventuresInAdversity #BreastCancerSurvivor #Resilience #HealingJourney #RadicalRemission #JoeDispenza #Hooponopono #CancerSurvivorStory #Podcast

This one is personal. I sit down with Tony Rico, my private batting coach from eighth grade through my senior year of high school, for a walk down memory lane that turned into something much bigger than softball.

Back in 1995, my mom drove me from Irvine to a backyard batting cage in Huntington Beach once a week. I thought I was there to fix my swing.

What I got was five years of mentorship with a softball and a bat, and life lessons I didn't recognize until decades later: you don't have to end on a good one, keep your shoulders back when you swing and miss, breathe, slow down, and make the adjustment.

Today, Tony is the President of Firecracker Softball, Inc., a program that has grown to 28 states, with a culture built on dignity, humility, and playing with honor. He's also the Co-Founder of The Range, a pitching academy in Anaheim, California.

We talk about how he coaches without ever telling a player what she's doing wrong, why the car ride home matters more than the game, what his parents taught him about love and safety, and how the same simple ingredients that worked in the cage still work in parenting, corporate life, and a cross-country move.

In this episode, we cover:
-How a referral from a teammate led me to Tony's backyard cage in Huntington Beach in 1995
-"You don't have to end on a good one": valuing yourself even after a swing and a miss
-Posture, presence, and the power of one word, and why Tony never told a player what she was doing wrong
-Asking questions instead of giving corrections: "Where did the last one go? Where's the next one going?"
-Why softball is the wrong game to play if you want constant emotional satisfaction, and what that teaches you about ego
-The long car ride home, and why girls have to feel good to play good
-Creating an experience that calms a player's nervous system, and the "hard, resilient love" behind it
-Firecracker Softball's journey from Gary Wardine's original program to a nationwide organization, and Melinda, the mom who walked in, saw Tony's schedule, and changed everything
-Tony's parents: a World War II Veteran father, a mother whose last words were "be good to each other," and what they taught him about safety and joy
-Parenting through adversity without losing your most beautiful self, and the importance of the repair
-Our shared inside joke, "maximum bat speed," and why the half swing still holds up
-The Natasha Watley story, the Alliance, and where women's softball is headed with NIL money and the pro league
-My family's move from California to Knoxville and the self-reflection that comes with a fresh start
-Why "Play with Honor" is about remembering the people who got you here

Whether or not you have a kid in sports, this conversation is about the people who shape us before we know we're being shaped, and about carrying yourself with dignity no matter how the at-bat goes.

Follow The Range on Instagram

Follow Firecracker Softball on Instagram

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#softball #firecrackersoftball #youthsports #coaching #mentorship #lifelessons #parenting #adversity #traumatotestimony #resilience #mentalhealth #girlsinsports

For our 100th episode, I sit down with Paul Fisher, and Chris Klimis, CEO and COO of Radiant Mobile, the world's first Christian mobile carrier.

Radiant Mobile is partnered with Compax and integrated into the T-Mobile network, bringing faith-focused mobile service together with world-class 5G connectivity.

Learn more about Radiant Mobile

Download the Radiant Mobile app

Follow Radiant Mobile on Instagram

Both Paul and Chris open up about the personal reckonings that led them here.

Paul talks about his 30 years in the fashion and beauty industry, describing it as the "belly of the beast." In the 1980s and early 1990s, when supermodels ruled fashion, Paul Fisher was one of the industry's most talked-about agents.

Over the course of his career, Fisher worked with some of the most recognizable names in modeling, including Naomi Campbell, Stephanie Seymour, Carol Alt, Carla Bruni, Brooke Burke, Kimora Lee Simmons, and Carré Otis.Paul describes the moment he decided he was done being "part of the problem".

Chris shares his journey from worship pastor to co-founder, walking away from his own career after one conversation with Paul.

Paul and Chris talk candidly about the technology they built to block harmful content at the network level before it ever reaches a phone, the criticism they've faced for it, and why they believe protecting kids online is a spiritual issue as much as a technical one.

In this episode, we cover:

-How Radiant Mobile blocks content at the carrier level instead of the device level, so kids can't work around it

-The 9 hard blocks (pornography, hate speech, antisemitism, racism, and more) built in for every subscriber, plus 120 categories parents can customize

-Paul's 30 years representing supermodels and hosting his own TV show, and the moment he walked away from it-Chris's path from worship pastor to co-founder, and the conversation with Paul that changed his life in two days

-Hearing the "still small voice" of God, and how both men describe being led into this mission

-Why they built exclusive Christian content, including original stories using licensed characters like Tinkerbell, Rapunzel, and Snow White, restored to a wholesome, faith-centered focus

-The upcoming home router device that extends protection to every device in the house-Geofencing, screen time control, and other parental control tools built into the platform

-Responding to criticism from groups that see their mission as exclusionary

-Why they see this as a ministry and a movement, not just a business

-How to switch carriers (keep your number, no added cost) and get started today

This episode of Adventures in Adversity is a special one, marking 100 episodes of turning trauma into triumph and ultimately into testimony.

All glory be to Jesus Christ!

⁠Paul's LinkedIn⁠

⁠Paul's Instagram⁠

⁠Chris' LinkedIn⁠

⁠Chris' Instagram⁠

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#faith #christianpodcast #parentalcontrol #onlinesafety #fatherhood #adversity #traumatotestimony #100thepisode #mentalhealth #resilience

I sit down with Joseph Pennell, a military veteran, cyber intelligence analyst, sobriety coach, and content creator, for an honest, analytical conversation about grief, addiction, failure, emotional avoidance, and rebuilding your identity from the ground up.

Joseph opens up about losing his brother Billy in high school and how he unknowingly postponed his grief for years. We talk about the role alcohol eventually played in his life, first as a way to shut off anxiety and later as a way to access emotions he didn’t know how to process any other way.

Joseph shares what happened when his drinking spiraled after his divorce, what it actually felt like to get sober, and why sobriety wasn’t the finish line he expected. For him, it was the beginning of learning how to truly understand himself.

We talk about relapse, shame, vulnerability, masculinity, emotional suppression, losing friends after getting sober, and the uncomfortable work of rebuilding a life without alcohol.

Joseph also shares his analytical approach to recovery: understanding your triggers, your emotions, and the different “parts” of yourself well enough that fewer things catch you off guard.

In this episode, we cover:

• Growing up as a quiet, internal kid in a home shaped by his father’s addiction
• Losing his brother in high school and postponing his grief for years
• How alcohol became both an escape from anxiety and a gateway to buried emotions
• The “parts” of ourselves that step forward to protect us—even through self-destructive behavior
• Why Joseph chose to feel his anxiety in rehab rather than immediately medicate it
• Intentionally confronting triggers early in sobriety instead of simply avoiding them
• Why relapse doesn’t have to mean failure—and how to break the shame cycle
• The emotional flood that can come after the initial “sober high” wears off
• Why recovery requires real tools, not just willpower
• Losing friendships after getting sober and learning to be okay with it
• Men, vulnerability, and why toughness can sometimes be suppression in disguise
• Rebuilding your identity after addiction
• Why deeply understanding yourself can become one of your greatest tools in recovery

Read more about Joseph’s story in the US Times

If you're struggling with alcohol, you don't have to suffer in silence. Explore these FREE recovery resources

Connect with Joseph:
Instagram: @th3next24
TikTok: @th3next24
LinkedIn: Joseph Pennell

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This episode is sponsored by DIVINI, a honey-based sparkling kombucha tea. Visit LiveDivini.com and use code BREANNE10 at checkout for a discount.

I sit down with my fantastic friend Ervin Anderson, a husband, father of 2, high school math teacher, and ⁠Diablo Valley City College basketball coach⁠. We have a real conversation about what it was like growing up on the DC/Maryland border during the crack epidemic and the anger Erv carried as a teenager.

He shares how faith, basketball, and his parents' discipline turned that anger into fuel instead of fear.

Erv opens up about what it was like living on the edge of DC, where kids stayed in the yard instead of the neighborhood. He remembers the metal detector at school feeling like safety instead of fear, and recalls how the game of basketball became both an escape and the reason his grades turned around.

He talks candidly about the anger he carried as a black teenager who felt like a target everywhere he went. Erv shares how he learned to place that anger instead of burying it, and how his understanding of God shifted from fear of hell to a genuine, steady faith. Erv now leans on this faith to make decisions in his life.

In this conversation, we talk about:
-Growing up on the DC/Maryland border during the crack epidemic, and what his parents did to keep him safe
-How basketball and construction work with his dad turned into real-world lessons in math and discipline
-The anger he carried as a teenager, where it came from, and how he learned to "place it" instead of letting it control him
-His dad's line that changed everything: "you don't complain unless you plan on fixing it"
-The bull vs. cow analogy for facing a storm head-on instead of running from it
-Why "I've been here before" and looking to Jesus's life as a template for adversity changed how he copes with hard moments
-How he moved from fearing God to trusting God, and what that shift unlocked in his marriage and parenting
-His advice for anyone who wants to know God but doesn't know where to start: "just move"

Connect with Erv on Instagram

Meet Erv's incredible wife, Kendal Anderson, author of the children's book "Different," in ep. 76

Grab Kendal's book, "Different"

This episode of Adventures in Adversity is sponsored by DIVINI, a honey-based sparkling kombucha tea. Visit LiveDivini and use discount code Breanne10 at checkout for a discount!

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I sit down with Prophet Samia Young, attorney, author, and founder of Samia Young Ministries, for one of the most raw and powerful testimonies this show has ever featured.

Samia grew up in a domestic violence household and, by age seven, was already carrying her own birth certificate and Social Security card because she knew she'd have to raise herself.

At 13, she was sent to live with an aunt in Chicago, where she endured three and a half years of starvation and abuse so severe it temporarily took away her ability to speak.

At 14, in that same house, she gave her life to Christ, and at 15, a pastor she'd never met called her out from the back row and told her she was a prophet.

Years of running followed: promiscuity, addiction, and jail on her 24th birthday, until a night at rock bottom holding a bottle of pills when she heard God say the words that saved her life.

Today she's an attorney, a minister who preaches in women's prisons in Ohio, and the author of a memoir that's now becoming a stage play.

In this conversation, we talk about:
-How a domestic violence childhood shaped Samia's early "supernatural knowing" and sense of calling
-The three and a half years she spent starved and abused by her aunt in Chicago, and how trauma took away her ability to speak
-Giving her life to Christ at 14 inside the very house where she felt invisible and unsafe
-Being called out as a prophet at 15, and why knowing your calling isn't enough to keep you from running from it
-Jail on her 24th birthday and the exact words she heard from God the night she considered ending her life
-The difference between coming out of the grave and actually being loosed from your grave clothes
-Why God is after our dependency, not our perfection
-Her new stage play, "Loose Her" debuting in the Cleveland, Ohio area this September

Samia, Come Forth! Trading Graveclothes for Purpose (book)

Samia's website and shop

Follow Samia Young on Instagram

Subscribe to Samia Young Ministries on YouTube

This episode of Adventures in Adversity is sponsored by DIVINI, a honey-based sparkling kombucha tea. Visit LiveDivini and use discount code Breanne10 at checkout for a discount!

#ComeForth #Loosed #ChristianTestimony #FaithOverFear #TraumaToTriumph #ProphetSamiaYoung #AdventuresInAdversity

I'm incredibly grateful to sit down with ⁠Mark Thomas Beare⁠, a survivor of narcissistic abuse who turned his multi-year search for understanding into ground-breaking psychological work.

Mark begins ep. 96 by candidly sharing where it all began.

After experiencing his own total psychological collapse in 2019, Mark spent years mapping his unraveling into a full theory, now known as (MPIT), built on the work of Professor Sam Vaknin, who wrote the forward to Mark's new book:

Narcissistic Redeemer: Bringing You Back from Collapse

Through thousands of hours of deep self-reflection and in-depth psychological research, Mark developed the Mirrored Psychic Inversion Theory (MPIT) and Anticipatory Stress Reflex (ASR) theories of narcissistic abuse, two critical frameworks that are changing the way survivors and clinicians approach recovery.

This is one of the most detailed conversations this show has ever had about what actually happens inside the mind of survivors of narcissistic abuse. We talk about why the chaos, dissociation, and identity loss that follow a discard are not a sign that you're broken.

It's a sign that you can feel pain...and you can recover. If you've ever wondered whether you were losing your mind after a relationship ended, this conversation offers language, structure, and real hope for finding your way back.

In this episode, we cover:

-The shared fantasy, the dual mothership, and the cathexis cycle (idealization, devaluation, discard)

-Why survivors co-idealize a partner too, and how that creates a collapse that gets deferred until after the relationship ends

-The liminal phase, collapse-induced psychotic regression, orbital collapse, and the deadness phase that follow a discard

-The five self-states inside collapse: the Redeemer, the Mute Child, the False Protector, the Introject Enforcer, and the Truth Self

-The ASR Complex (Anticipatory Stress Reflex) and why reality feels like it's slipping away during collapse

-Building an "observer ego" and learning to decathect from the internal loop

-Why the capacity to feel this much pain is proof you can heal, not proof something is wrong with you

You're not going insane. You're not alone. You were abused by a narcissist whose primary goal was to, as Mark puts it, "colonize your mind."

You did not imagine it. You're not being too sensitive. And you CAN rebuild yourself after collapsing under the weight of the darkness of narcissistic abuse.

As Mark brilliantly says in this interview: your breakdown - that reaction that rocked your inner psyche - from a clinical psychology perspective, is a normal reaction to a very abnormal situation with your abuser.

In this episode, Mark walks us through each phase of the survivor's collapse in detail so you can understand exactly what happened when the narcissist infiltrated your mind and began conditioning you through abuse.

Read Mark's books to help you recondition your psyche to heal and step back into your true self...the self you swore you knew and lived in before the narcissist.

The Organising Gate and the Reconstruction of Reality After Narcissistic Abuse

Follow Mark Thomas Beare on Instagram

This episode of Adventures in Adversity is sponsored by DIVINI, a honey-based sparkling kombucha tea. Visit LiveDivini and use discount code Breanne10 at checkout.

#narcissisticabuse #narcissisticabuserecovery #MPIT #mentalhealth #trauma #healing #selflove #discard #cptsd #resilience