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This episode takes us everywhere. Literally everywhere. There is wine, road rage, screen-time shame, Chicago planning, elder abuse, camping excitement, shopping priorities... and eventually, a horrifying discovery that makes us question everything.

Des starts with a hot flash for the people who move painfully slow in the fast lane...on the interstate. You know the ones. They are taking their sweet damn time while everyone behind them is ready to pass them emotionally, spiritually, and possibly physically. Des maintains that these people are more dangerous than the ones going way too fast. 😂

Cort has a little financial trauma to unpack after she and Des somehow managed to spend $70 on four glasses of wine. FOUR. With tip. At this point, Cort would like everyone to know that she should have just bought the damn bottle. 🍷

We're also calling ourselves out for our recent phone addiction. We keep picking up our phones when we should be doing literally anything else. Especially working out.

GIRLLLL. PUT THE PHONE DOWN.
GO DO YOUR DAMN WORKOUT.

We're getting excited for our upcoming Chicago trip and need the Chicago experts to help us out. Give us your must-go restaurants, places, shops, experiences, hidden gems and anything else we absolutely cannot miss. Because obviously we also need to go shopping ASAP. New event? New outfits. This is non-negotiable. 👗

Des brings up a heartbreaking story about a woman who lost her father and his home after discovering that the person she trusted to care for him had taken advantage of the situation. We talk about elder abuse, how devastating it is, and how anyone who exploits an elderly or vulnerable person deserves a very special place in the afterlife.

Then we shift gears completely because we're heading CAMPING! 🏕️

Fall weather. Campfires. Football. Adults only. Limited service.

Honestly, the limited service might be our favorite part. 😂

And just when you think we've covered enough random topics for one episode, we make a discovery at the very END of recording.

There is mouse poop.

ALL. OVER. THE PODCAST ROOM.

We had apparently been sitting, talking, laughing and recording in a room that some tiny little assholes had decided to make their personal bathroom.

Were we disgusted? Yes.
Were we mortified? Absolutely.
Did we immediately start wondering how long the mice had been listening to us? Also yes.

So now we have questions.

WHO TF HAS BEEN POOPING IN OUR PODCAST ROOM? 🐭💩

And, as always, we took several scenic detours along the way because apparently neither of us knows how to have just ONE conversation. 😂

🎧 Listen now to Adventures of Des and Cort on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts!

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This week on Adventures of Des and Cort, we're learning that even reaching for a swimsuit cover-up can apparently become a contact sport. 😂

Des's Hot Flash this week starts innocently enough. She reached into a tote for a swimsuit cover-up and somehow managed to grab the iron cord instead. The iron came flying directly off the shelf and straight onto her head.

Immediate rage. Seeing stars. A brief moment of questioning every life choice that led her to this moment. Then, naturally, Google searches. Because apparently the first thing you do after getting assaulted by your own household appliance is ask the internet if you're dying. 🔥👊

Cort didn't have a Hot Flash this week. Instead, she wanted to give her husband some well-deserved praise. Josh is the ultimate hype man and apparently has an unlimited supply of compliments, encouragement and affection. We love a man who knows his assignment. ❤️

We also check in on our brand-new Hot Flashers Fantasy Football League. It's all women, there are LOTS of questions, some confusion, and absolutely no shortage of confidence. Do we know exactly what we're doing? Not yet. Are we going to have fun? 100%. 🏈🔥

Then we had our final water aerobics class of the season and we are genuinely bummed about it. Warm water, sunshine, movement, and a bunch of ladies laughing together? Sign us up. We're already looking forward to next year. 🏊‍♀️☀️

And of course, we have our usual side conversations that somehow take us in twelve completely different directions.

An iron attack. A husband appreciation moment. Fantasy football confusion. The end of our water aerobics era.

Just another completely normal day with Des & Cort. 😂

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This week on Adventures of Des and Cort, we have questions. Important questions. Questions humanity has apparently been avoiding.

Like... how the hell do you face in the shower? 🚿

Front? Back? Sideways? Are you a flipper who rotates with the water like a rotisserie chicken? Cort has discovered she may be the odd woman out because she showers sideways or backward, while Des and apparently everyone else she questioned are full-on flippers. We need answers. This may be the most important poll we've ever conducted.

But first, our Hot Flashes are HOT 🔥

Des is irritated because her brother, with the best intentions, changed her parents' phone plan. Sounds helpful... until you realize Des will inevitably be the one answering all the questions when something stops working. Sometimes you just have to leave well enough alone, people. 😂

Cort's Hot Flash is a little more personal. Handsy husbands. Specifically, husbands who decide NOW is the perfect time for physical affection when you absolutely do not want to be touched. Apparently, there is no safe position. Can't bend over. Can't walk by. Can't exist peacefully. Ladies, you understand.

We also escaped our normal routines and tried water aerobics, and honestly... we're obsessed. Warm weather, perfect water temperature, beautiful pool, and the nicest group of ladies. It was exactly the kind of grandma activity we didn't know we needed. There are only three sessions left next Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, so if you've been thinking about going, GO! 🏊‍♀️😂

Then Des tells us a story that will make you sleep differently forever. A cockroach got into a woman's ear... and Des actually SAW THEM REMOVE IT. We repeat: SHE SAW IT. There will now be cotton in ears, excessive pillow checking, and absolutely no sleeping peacefully. 🪳👂😳

We also talk about the Lindsey Clancy trial and the questions we're having about the timeline and what we've heard so far. We're talking through our reactions and why reasonable doubt is weighing heavily on our minds.

And, naturally, there are approximately 900 side conversations because staying on topic is simply not our ministry.

🎧 Listen now to Adventures of Des and Cort on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts!

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This week on Adventures of Des and Cort, we're confronting the things that make us cringe, question our marriages, and wonder why we can't just act normal on the internet. 😂

Des's Hot Flash this week is... our old social media posts. The dancing. The singing. The wigs. The mortgage page content that seemed like a great idea at the time. Now? Absolutely horrifying. Nothing will humble you faster than watching yourself from five years ago with a little more wisdom and a LOT more secondhand embarrassment. 😳

Cort's Hot Flash is overthinking. Why do we spend so much time worrying, analyzing, imagining every possible outcome... and then eventually do the thing anyway? Why can't we just GO FOR IT? Apparently our brains need to hold a full committee meeting before making a decision.

Then we discover the singing car salesman on Instagram who blesses your new car with a full-on song when you purchase it. We have one thing to say...

Please don't. 😂

We would like our vehicle, our keys, and our dignity. No personalized performance necessary.

Then Cort drops the bomb that Josh casually referred to her as his "current wife." Just slipped it into conversation like that was a completely normal thing to say. His reaction? Hilarious. Cort's initial reaction? Less hilarious. 😂

We also get into the Brooks Nader conversation and the question nobody can stop thinking about... how comfortable are you being topless around your family? Girlfriends? Fine. Mom? Okay, maybe. But Dad walks in and suddenly we're reaching for a robe, a blanket, a tablecloth... literally anything. 😂

Then we introduce our newest word: Snerdle.

Do you know what it means? Probably not. Do we snerdle every night? Absolutely. Is it now officially part of our vocabulary? Unfortunately, yes.

Add in our usual side conversations, random opinions, marriage commentary, and enough yapping to make you wonder how we ever get anything done.

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This week on Adventures of Des and Cort, we're introducing a brand new word to the English language... and if you've lived long enough, you've probably experienced one.

F*ckalanche.

You'll know it when you hear it. 😂

Our Hot Flashes kick things off with neighborhood nuisances.

Des is officially over the dogs that bark at absolutely everything. You know the ones. You're just trying to sit outside, embrace your grandma era, water your flowers, work on your latest hobby, and suddenly you're starring in a nonstop canine concert. If your dog is announcing every leaf that blows by, respectfully... we'd like to file a complaint. 🐶

Meanwhile, Cort is battling a far more modern crisis. There is ONE notification on her Facebook Messenger that refuses to disappear. She's clicked everything. She's searched everywhere. She's accepted defeat. Is this just elder millennial life now? Because if one little red notification is staring at us all day, our nervous systems cannot relax.

Des also recaps an outdoor concert in 105-degree heat where everyone was packed together so tightly it felt approximately 147 degrees. Then, just when she thought it couldn't get worse, a teenage girl casually spitting into the packed lawn seating area... dangerously close to her husbands hand. Between the heat, the crowds, and the complete lack of spatial awareness, she was one body temperature away from becoming the headline.

Then Cort asks an important driving question...

If you're in the fast lane on the interstate, surrounded by traffic, are you controlling your speed with the gas pedal... or are you repeatedly setting and resetting your cruise control?

Because whoever keeps using cruise control in heavy traffic has unknowingly been testing her emotional stability for years. She stayed quiet... but internally? There was a full-blown F*ckalanche.

As always, we wander into random side quests, overshare a little too much, laugh at ourselves, and somehow invent vocabulary along the way.

🎧 Listen now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts!

#adventuresofdesandcort #fuckalanche #podcastlife #womeninour40s #hotflashes #midlifehumor #friendship #eldermillennial #concertchaos #yapsesh

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This week on Adventures of Des and Cort, we're just out here trying to survive... and the universe is making it unnecessarily difficult.

Idaho is currently covered in smoke so thick Des swears she's been smoking a pack a day. Every breath feels sponsored by Marlboro, and after reading one alarming article online, she's now convinced opening a window for too long might send her straight into cardiac arrest. (Please don't fact-check us. We're simply reporting from the panic section of the internet. 😂)

Then Cort recaps her trip to Michigan, and let's just say preparing for an early flight in your 40s is a completely different experience than it was in your 20s. Back then, you just... didn't go to bed. Now it's all about getting a solid six or seven hours of sleep because functioning on two hours is no longer a personality trait. And don't even think about traveling without your entire skincare routine. Missing one night? Absolutely not. We've worked too hard on these faces to let airport travel undo all our progress.

Getting home, however, was where the real chaos began. If you've checked a bag, that 45-minute cutoff before your flight is a hard 45 minutes...not 46. Unfortunately, an airline employee seemed absolutely determined to prove that point. She was loud, dramatic, and apparently operating under a strict "kindness is not included with your ticket" policy. You know the type. Less "How can I help?" and more "I'm going to make this a problem." Thankfully, cooler heads prevailed, but it definitely added a little unnecessary excitement to the trip.

We also talk about one of our biggest pet peeves... people who excuse aggressive dogs by saying, "Oh, they're just protective." Protective of what? Des’s mom Dee was standing in her own yard when a neighborhood dog charged at her. Thankfully the owners called it back just in time, but let's agree that almost becoming a chew toy isn't a personality trait anyone should have to accept.

Naturally, we wander into a dozen side chats, laugh at ourselves more than anyone else, and somehow make smoke, airports, and neighborhood dogs all belong in the same conversation.

If your week has felt like one long string of "Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t... God damn," this episode is for you.

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This week on Adventures of Des and Cort...

Our Hot Flashes are especially spicy. Des is officially over the people who ask a question, wait for your answer, then hit you with, "Oh, I know." Fantastic. Then why'd you ask?!

If you already know, why are we doing this little performance? Congratulations on wasting everyone's time.

Meanwhile, Cort has a message for the clients who choose another lender but still call, text, or stop by for mortgage advice. We love you... but we're commissioned. Respectfully, your discount lender should probably be answering those questions now. 😅

Then things take a turn into Facebook Marketplace chaos.

Cort's inbox has become the Wild West thanks to a listing, complete with one very persistent stranger who thought sending an unsolicited picture was somehow an acceptable conversation starter. Spoiler alert: It wasn't. It was offensive, unnecessary, and somehow the man still refuses to take the hint. At this point, Des is convinced this is how a Dateline episode begins.

Naturally, this sparked a very important discussion. Gentlemen, unless someone specifically asks, absolutely no woman is sitting around hoping a surprise dick pic lands in her inbox. The answer is no. Every time.

To cleanse our minds after that trauma, we fully embrace our Grandma Era. Des proudly ordered her very first needlepoint project and cannot wait to sit in silence stabbing fabric for fun. Honestly? It sounds amazing.

We're also seriously considering signing up for water aerobics. Floating around in the sunshine while exercising without our knees filing a complaint? That's starting to sound less like giving up and more like living our best lives.

As always, we wander into a dozen side conversations, overshare just enough, laugh way too hard, and somehow leave with more questions than answers.

🎧 Listen now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Come for the hot flashes... stay for the grandma hobbies and unsolicited life lessons.

#adventuresofdesandcort #whatahog #friendship #hotflash #grandmaera

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This week on Adventures of Des and Cort, we learned two things...

One... we're incapable of relaxing.

Two... apparently there are now shoes designed to help you poop.

Let's unpack that. 💩😂

Our Hot Flash this week is ourselves. Why do we feel guilty every time work slows down? Why can't we just sit still without convincing ourselves we should be answering emails, reorganizing a closet, starting a new business or solving world peace? Meanwhile Gen Z is somewhere protecting their boundaries, taking mental health walks and not feeling guilty for a single second. Honestly... respect.

Speaking of random projects... we realized we've had approximately 437 side quests over the years. Remember the time we decided we needed old photos of our town for the office? Naturally, we spent an entire day digging through boxes of letters and photos at the local museum like amateur historians. The office? Still standing. The project? Forgotten.

Then we stumbled across a woman desperately asking for help because her mother-in-law is convinced she's in an online relationship with Jeff Dunham. She refuses to believe otherwise. Which led us to one very important question...

At what age do your children earn the right to take away your social media privileges? Because if either of us starts publicly professing our love to a celebrity scammer... shut it down immediately.

Then came the greatest internet invention we never asked for...

Shit Shoes.

Yes, they're real.

Seven-inch platform shoes designed to put you in the perfect squatting position to... let loose. We laughed so hard we nearly needed them.

Eat questionable food... buy questionable shoes. It's the circle of life.

We also revisit Dee's latest talk-to-text disaster where she accidentally referred to someone as a "fat son of a bitch" in a group text. Technology remains undefeated.

And because we're officially entering our "what are the kids even saying?" era, we try to decode today's slang. If someone says "cake topper," trust us... they're not talking about weddings anymore.

As always, we wander into side stories, unnecessary opinions and enough laughing to make strangers wonder what we're listening to.

🎧 Listen now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts!

#adventuresofdesandcort #shitshoes #podcastlife #friendship #midlifechaos

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This week on Adventures of Des and Cort, we prove once again that absolutely nothing is off limits.

Our Hot Flash kick things off with the thermostat war. We would like to file a formal complaint that office temperatures are apparently determined by whichever man gets to the thermostat first. We are left trying to survive in what feels like a commercial freezer. 🥶

Then we recap our camping weekends and honestly... this is our happy place. Give us a chair in the water, sunshine on our faces, music playing, a drink in our hand and absolutely no responsibilities. We highly recommend Elk Valley RV Resort with two enthusiastic thumbs up. Pickleball, cornhole, golf, evening walks on the course... live your best mountain life.

Cort proudly made a big pot of soup and had it completely finished. The vegetables were perfect. The meat was cooked. It was ready to simmer into greatness. Then she grabbed one last carton of broth to top it off... and out came what can only be described as a 12-inch mold snake that slithered right into the pot. 🤢

She immediately consulted Google, hoping for validation to simply scoop it out and continue living her life. Google looked her dead in the eyes and basically said, "Absolutely not." She still argued with Google for a minute because throwing away an entire pot of soup felt criminal... but even she had to admit defeat.

Des found what may be the greatest classified ad ever written. A woman was looking for shared custody of a neglected porch goose. Apparently, the goose wasn't getting enough seasonal outfit changes and is laying in a bush upside down. This lady is prepared to step in as co-parent. We laughed way harder than grown adults probably should.

We also talk about an unbelievable story that reminded us miracles still happen. A baby was declared dead after drowning, only to be found breathing hours later at the hospital. The entire story is absolutely incredible and left us speechless.

As always, we somehow wandered into twenty other conversations because staying on one topic has never been our strength.

🎧 Listen now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

#adventuresofdesandcort #sharedcustodyofaporchgoose #podcastlife #womeninour40s #campinglife #porchgoose #midlifechaos #friendship #yapsesh

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This week on Adventures of Des and Cort, we discovered something that should have surprised absolutely no one...

Cort admits she is emotional about America and the 4th of July. Des immediately confesses she’s been just as sappy about it…she just thought she was the only one.

Seriously. Give us a small-town Fourth of July parade, a patriotic country song, kids covered in glow sticks, lawn chairs lining the streets and grass, fireworks over the golf course, and suddenly we're fighting back tears like we're starring in a recruitment commercial. 😂

Our little town absolutely SHOWS UP for the Fourth of July and we love every second of it.

Then... confidence entered the chat.

We became just cocky enough to think, "We've got this golf cart thing."

Reader... we did not.

Somehow that confidence turned into a trailer jumping off the hitch... the golf cart getting high-centered... a window barely hanging on... accidental wheelies... and the golf cart bouncing across a major road like it was auditioning for an action movie.

Everything is fine.

No one died.

The golf cart survived.

Our pride... questionable. 😂

We also took a Lagree class at Tone Fitness in Boise and it absolutely humbled us. If you've never tried it, prepare to meet muscles you didn't know existed. We highly recommend it... while also questioning our life choices.

Des shares the tiny habit that's been helping her make it to the gym. It's simple, effective, and leaves very little room for morning excuses.

And we're excited to announce our next Besties Book Club pick, The Last Letter by Rebecca Yarros. Come read along with us... although based on what we've heard, we may all need emotional support by the end.

As always, expect side quests, random tangents, unnecessary opinions, and two best friends laughing their way through life.

🎧 Listen now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

#adventuresofdesandcort #america #smalltownlife #golfcartchaos #lagree

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