Who to choose when your friends get divorced. 

TODAY'S QUESTION:

Dear Talktors, here is my dilemma. My wife and I are very close friends with a couple who just recently got divorced. We love both parties, but they do not care to be near one another. We love to go out dancing, and these two were always down to join us. However, since they are no longer together, neither of them want to go dancing, out of fear of running into the other at the club. 

Now we don’t get to go dancing with either of them!

The zenith of this problem is that I have a milestone birthday coming up and I want to see them both at the party, but I’m afraid neither will show because of the aforementioned situation. What should I do?

Yours truly,

Custody Battle for Besties

LINKS

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠See the Grawlix live at the Bug Theatre on Saturday, May 30th with Zach Peterson, Laura Peek, and Leah Althoff!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Follow us for show dates and more: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Adam Cayton-Holland⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ • ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ben Roy⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ • ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Andrew Orvedahl⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ • ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠The Grawlix⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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We slip and slide into the infamous subreddit "Am I The Asshole?" to issue some guerrilla advice.

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***LINKS***

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How to induce a midlife crisis.

TODAY'S QUESTION: Hi Grawlix, I am turning 40 this summer. I live a rather comfortable life. Steady job, loving wife, and two great kids. That said, something has to give, right? I am the kind of guy who likes to get out ahead of things and want to take on my mid-life crisis on MY OWN TERMS. So, my questions is, "How do I induce my own mid-life crisis?" To be clear, I'm not asking what my mid-life crisis should look like... I'm asking what steps I should take to bring whatever underlying crisis there is to the surface. Thanks -Billy

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TODAY'S QUESTION: Boyz, I smoke too much weed, totally in secret. My family doesn't know, my job doesn't know, even my friends don't really know. People say it's not addictive but I am def addicted. I'm not unhappy (maybe cuz weed). It's my anti-depressant and my social helper and the only thing that shuts off the bad stuff in my brain. But the secret is hard to maintain and I feel really guilty about it. What do I do?

— Secret Stoner

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How to get revenge when you get laid off.

TODAY'S QUESTION:

Letter time! I need the help of the learn-ed boiz Fairbell, Shoemaker, & Payton.

Long story short: I’m a middle school librarian at a small public school here in Colorado. I work my ass off and do everything I can to support all the students and staff. For the 4th time in my 16 years as an educator, my position got cut because of district budget bullshit. I’m pissed and it hurts to leave this school I love that I’ve been at for 6 years. I’m ready to leave education but because of retirement and child care discounts, I’m going to have to find another job in the district that screwed me over…again. I’m still at my school until early June & there are multiple people who threw me under the bus or have made my life hell. And assuming I find another job as a librarian, I’ll have to still work with the higher ups who also fucked up this whole situation. Because I’m a “good person” and can’t afford to burn down the whole damn system, I need something to daydream about without actually doing it. What is the pettiest shit you can think of for me to do to the asshats I loathe while still at my school and during district meetings next year? Those Who Can’t is still my favorite show about teachers so I know you’ve got some ideas that didn’t make the screen. I love (most of) my students so nothing to mess with them. Please don’t share my real name so I can still get a job…

-Abbey Logan’s BFF

LINKS

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Tips for maintaining that creative spark.

TODAY'S QUESTION:

Gentlemen,

Let me get right to it. I love your work. Each one of you has made top shelf independently produced work. Comedy, music, games, podcasts. I can't imagine it has always been easy but hopefully, you've always found it rewarding. I've had the good fortune of publishing a handful of short stories in online journals and anthologies. I have long-term goals of self publishing a collection (with reasonable goals and even more reasonable expectations). Long term because I know how much work it will take to do it right. So how do I keep that indie motivation alive and well when it gets tough and no one is asking for the work?

With all the love for what you do,

Patrick

LINKS

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Why are you making the comedy choices you are making?

TODAY'S QUESTION:

Dearest doctors, my favorite podcasters are three guys who love each other and love to make fun of each other. Lately they've been making lots of jokes about about marrying each other or having sex with each other... I don't think they're homophobic or being mean, but it's def homoerotic and I'm gay and they're straight and sometimes it all makes me feel some sort of way. Boys in high school would make the same jokes but then act grossed out by it and I would feel soooo not good. This sends me back to those feelings. It's not actually bad, but not good either, you know? Do you have any advice for not taking stuff like that so personally? I know my podcast buddies are good guys and I don't want to feel this away. 

Hi-T

LINKS

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Newly single? Let’s go! 

TODAY'S QUESTION:

Hi friends,

I am currently going through a break-up after being together for 2 years (living together for 1). We are on great terms and there is still so much love between the two of us. My life has been flipped upside down but I'm doing well given the circumstances. Do you have any advice on navigating through this? Thx <3

LINKS

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A listener yearns for the keys to fair Andrew's heart

TODAY'S QUESTION

We know how to fuck Ben. We know how to kill Adam. So how does one go about marrying Andrew?

LINKS

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A listener needs the boys advice for spending a surprise $27K.

TODAY'S QUESTION:

Dear comedic counselors, 

My uncle didn't have any kids of his own. When he died last month, he left me $26,800 in his will. Total surprise. I thought he was broke. What should I do with the money?

You said you wanted shorter letters,

Dinah

P.S. I'm in my thirties, I rent my apartment, and I have no debt. I drink but don't do drugs (anymore).

P.S.2. If you write extra stuff after your name, it doesn't affect the word count, right?

LINKS

Got a question? Email us: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]

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