Advice Fight

TODAY'S QUESTION:

Squirrels keep stealing tomatoes from my garden. I've tried nets, metal screens, chili powder. A motion-activated noise thingy. Nothing works. I need some fresh ideas. Please help!

Hugs and kisses,

Mater Gator

LINKS

Got a question? Email us: [email protected]

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

TODAY'S QUESTION

Long time listener, first time writer.

How can I pick up a guy at the pickleball courts? (Or anywhere out in the wild for that matter?)

I grew up in the 80s/90s where no one was teaching us ladies how to pick up men... How do I tell who's single? Who's interested? How do I let it be known that I'm single? Do guys want to be hit on?... Is that a turn off?

I would love to find someone to dink around the kitchen with, both on and off the courts.I recently joined a league so I can work on my pickleball game, and now I'm coming to you boyz for help to work on my "game" game. What say ye-es? [yeez]

Sincerely, Desperately Dinking "Susan"

LINKS

Got a question? Email us: [email protected]

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

TODAY'S QUESTION:

Dearest GrawDogs, 

I moved to Denver in 2011 (it seems like Producer Ron™ loves your Denver-specific riffs, so I’ll just mention that my first apartment was at 13th & Grant, across from City O’ and the original Quiznos, that I believe is now a hair salon or something).  

Anyway, moving here was the first time I left home, and for the last 15 years I have enjoyed blissful, family-free autonomy. Recently however, my sister and her family moved from out of state to a house a few miles from my place…  

Don’t get me wrong, they’re nice folks and we all get along, but in the last couple of weeks I have received multiple texts suggesting we get dinner (again), or get drinks (again), or that they’re at the park down the street if I want to stop by (again)… I’m happy to hang from time to time, but I still want to maintain the family-less freedom i’ve come to know and enjoy. 

Fighters of advice, in your infinite wisdom, what should I do? Can I tell them to respectfully kick rocks as they get settled in a new city? Should I suck it up and be grateful to have family nearby? Help me, Grawlix three!

—  Not-so-family-friendly in Denver

LINKS

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

TODAY'S QUESTION:

Gentlemen Fighters,

My family and I are having a challenging time out here in the burbs of Denver. For the past 2 years we have had fairly consistent ding-dong ditches at our house between 8 and 10pm. It would only be a minor annoyance if not for the devastating effects on our household. 

Of note:

1- our neurotic shepherd dog. We had to put this dog on prozac earlier this year because of her anxiety, so these late-night intrusions derail this fragile dog.

2- if the doorbell doesn't wake the kids up, the dog does with her insane, shrill barking and spinning out around the house.

3- the kids. Our 7-year-old is starting to get freaked out by these random knock/doorbell instrusions while he is falling asleep or asleep for the night. The worst effects are on our 3-year-old. After 2 years of constant bedtime battles and not sleeping through the night we have finally made progress, but these late-night interruptions are starting to undo all of those efforts.

Our current solutions aren't working. We have a camera doorbell (that's why we know it's teenagers). We have a motion-sensor light on our driveway, and we leave our front light on too. These deterrents have no effect on these determined teens. Our street runs along a park and our neighbors have encountered the same issue, but not as frequently. We won't call the cops for these minor things, and it wouldn't help anyway. My wife and I figured that the Advice Doctors would have the best prescription to stop these inconsiderate dicks, without causing retribution.

Sleepless in Centennial, your friend,

Elliot

LINKS

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

TODAY'S QUESTION:

Me and 4 of my great friends all have mothers or mothers-in-law named "Barb." Please let us know the best way to commemorate our friendship with your best Barb-forward idea. Thank you! 

--Kyle

LINKS

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

TODAY'S QUESTION:

To my favorite trio of advice professionals,

I have been with my wife for ten years and married for six years. I love her dearly and try to make sure I always have her back. She is smart, talented, and supportive. She also believes she was put on this planet to help and heal people. One of the many things I love that about her. The problem is, her version of healing relates less to medicine and science and more towards energy work and spirituality. She wants to start a business that is part reiki healing and part body energy work. We’re not destitute, but we definitely don’t have that ‘pursue a seemingly volatile business idea’ kind of money either. Especially in a time where everything feels like it’s on fire and extra money for these types of services seems to be at a premium. While I’m not completely against her pursuing these healing opportunities, how do I stay supportive of her dream while very much not supporting this specific business idea?  Keep up the good work, fellas

Sincerely,

Stuck in #@%-@$$ Douglas County 

LINKS

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

TODAY'S QUESTION:

Dearest Ben and remaining two talentless dinks,

I am seeking advice that is of the utmost importance. I am known about my city as a scorching hot standup comedian with accolades galore, as well as a gifted actor and scribe, worthy of all the awards that Hollywood can bestow, if the godless bastard gatekeepers would take the time to notice me. But, my career has been stunted by my love of music. My social media presence has struggled to gain the numbers I feel I deserve, because it appears scattered as I am always interrupting standup clips with videos of me performing in my various music projects, not to mention that my management has repeatedly said that the industry doesn't know if I want to be a comedian or a quote-unquote "Mr. Rocker Guy." What do I do? Music is my first love and has been my true passion since I was 14 years old, but I'm aging out and have more opportunities at the ready in the comedy world. Help me, you talentless hacks.

Signed,

Your Bestest Friend, Ben Roy

LINKS

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

TODAY'S QUESTION:

I'm a 29 year old woman living in the big city for the first time. I've been so lucky to meet a lot of wonderful people, and in embracing the queer community here I've really had the chance to learn about myself. Me and my partner are polyamorous and have been since before we met each other. I have another friend who we will call C who is also a queer poly person. I love C, but everytime I bring a hot new person around, they immediately drop what they're doing and try to take them to Strap City, North Dakota. I would never try to control my friend or my lovers, but how do I gently tell my friend to get their own hotties instead of trying to bone all of mine?

Sincerely, Lost in Trans-lation

LINKS

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

TODAY'S QUESTION:

LINKS

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

TODAY'S QUESTION

Dearest boys,

I love you and appreciate you equally.
I am seeking advice as how I might get Adam to forgive me.
My mother and I were at Mississippi Studios in Portland to see Adam.
She and I are having difficulties, both individually and congruently.
We were talking and it was offensive. 
I am not arguing the facts.
I am sorry and I will understand if this is the end for us, Adam. 
Loved seeing you, regardless.
You are taller in person.
Thanks for being you. All four of you.
Best,
Love.
Hail Satan,
Penelope
LINKS

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices